Life — July 22, 1909 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

my {AUT SCISSORS AUT NULLUS Tariff Bill Little Bill and big Bill and short Bill and tall, Billy with the billygoats and sideburns and all; Fat Bill and lean Bill and dumb Bill and smart, Truc Bill and due Bill and Bill ¢ la carte Tariff Bill's the first Bill, ‘The middle and the last, For it’s always on the go, But it never gets a-past! Soft Bill and Hard Bill and old Bill and new, Billy atribilious and Billy fresh as dew; Square Bill and Round Bill and sour Bill and sweet: And little Billy breeches in his bare brown feet: Tariff Bill's the boss Bill, Who's like a Sunday beau That lingers on the stairway And never wants to go! High Bill and dry Bill and Billy wild and calm, And Billy in a fury, sir, and Billy-I'll-be-damn White Bill and tight Bill and Bills of yesterday You thought were out of reason and declared you wouldn't pay: Tariff Bill's the straight Bill, The old Bill friend, Who came when the world came And stays until the end! —Baitimore Sun. Not in His Lifetime A well-known scientist was lecturing on the sun's heat, and in the course of his remarks said: “It is an established fact that the sun is gradually losing its heat, and in the course of Ra RESTAUEAsT Mrs. Wood-Borer: po You THINK Lapis CovLD GET ANYTHING 10 EAT MERE? “WHY, YES, DON’T YOU SEE THE SIGN—TABLES RE- SERVED FOR Labies?"” some seventy millions of years it will be ex- hausted; consequently this world of ours will be dead and, like the moon, unable to support any form of life At this juncture a member of his « in an excited manner and said: “Pardon me, professor, but how many y did you say it would be before this cala overtakes us?" Tur. Prorrssor: Seventy millions, sir “ Thank God,"’ was the reply. “I thought you said seven millions! '""—P. Lloyd, in Success. idience rose As the celebrated soprano began to sing, little Johnnie became greatly exercised over the ges- ticulations of the orchestra conductor. “What's that man shaking his stick at her for?’ he demanded indignantly. “Sh-h! He's not shaking his stick at her, But Johnnie was not convinced “Then what in thunder’s she hollering for? Saved the Situation She raised her head from his shoulder for a moment. “Do you believe that exercise and lotions and toilet preparations will improve a woman's looks?’” she asked. He pressed her blond curls chest. “They couldn't improve the some women,’ he said. “Whose?” she asked. “Well, yours and Violet Cochrane's, for in- he replied, thoughtlessly. “T don't understand you,” she said, raising her head for the second time and chilling hin with a look, “ We are not at all alike.’’ “I mean,” he replied, turning her head for the second time and thinking quickly, “that your looks couldn't be improved because they are perfect as they are, and that hers couldn’t be in proved because no amount of work could make her pretty.” And the firelight flickered knowingly as she sighed a great sigh of contentment and relicf while he drew a deep breath.—Tit-Bits. back upon his looks of Superfluous “When I observe the'way some things go in New York, over which we make a fuss when we get them,” said the Rev. Thomas R. Slice “and think of what we ought to have, I am re- minded of the poor minister who had seven chil- dren and whose family was increased to cigh: He told his eldest child, a daughter, about the new baby. ‘Well, father,” she said, ‘I suppose it is all right, but there are a lot of things we necde! more.’ ""—Saturday Evening Post. Iy a certain restaurant the electric 1i were suddenly extinguished. When they were turned on again after a few moments, a lady whispered to ber companion: “ Somebody kissed me!"’ “Yes, and somebody took my veal cu let!” replied the other bitterly.—Argonaut 12 is published every ‘Thursday, simultaneous! Rintish Possessions, $5.(0a year in advance. | A¢ Union, $1.08 a year; to Canada, S2.cents, Single current Months from date of publication, 25 cents, News. nges, ze, Milan 1, Via Firer Nocontribrtion will be returned unless accompanied by stamped and addressed envelope. Ne for the lots Or Ron FetNrn of WH. tted contributions The International News Company, Breams frentano’s, 37 Ave, de l'Opera. Paris; few Coveniry S icester Square, W, London: 9, Kot ‘May from the text may be used, giving thout special permission ob ™ Prompt notification should be sent by subscribers of any change of address, Cost and Convenience Are twoitems worth while con- sidering in purchasing and handling Gasoline. With an AIR-TIGHT STEEL TANK placed underground you can buy your Gasoline at wholesale—at a savin enables you to pay for the tank in less than a year, preventing loss from evaporation through = Air-Tight Storage—each gal- lon providing more mileage through the re. tention of its origin strength. Air-Tight Steel Tanks for Automobiles, Motor Boats, etc. placed underground provide the most convenient means of Storing gasoline underground salely. A. few strokes of the pump anda steady Bow is started — stopped instantly by opens apetcock—no waste, 89 dripping, na risk. ‘Thetank itsell is made of heavy steel, 318 in, thick, brazed without rivet of Solder by a process we have successially STEELTANK COMPANY 418 Wood St. Prrrspurct AIR-TIGHT STEEL TANKS are sold on 80 days' trial with an absolute money-back guarantee, Wofte for illustrated Booklet FREE, the OXYGEN Tooth Powder Prevents Decay, Dentists advise its use. McKesson & Robbins, 91-97 Fulton St. NewYork. Secure Relief From HAYFEVER By wearing a Nasalfilter for a few days before and throughout your reg- ular period. This simple device, as comfortable as spectacles, filters dust and pollen from the air and prevents them ‘irritating the sensitive mucous lining of the nostrils, which really is Hayfeve: sD ‘< for our descriptive book ard testimonials from satisfied users. 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