Life — July 15, 1909 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

prepared for us by a famous architect and located on top of | building in the heart of the tenderloin district. Nothing will be spared to make this place a husbands’ paradise. Vaudeville performance every afternoon and even- ing. Free-lunch at all hours. Roulette tables and a poker game going on all the time. In fact, everything that any hus- band could possibly want will be found. Special trips will also be arranged to surrounding districts at a minimum expense. One of these will be “A Hot Time in Coney Island." Automobiles will not return from this trip until It should be thoroughly understood, however, that while in this manner we make every effort to bring our customers together, and to give them a good time, we don’t encourage them to always live this sort of life. We realize, however, that we can't prevent them from doing it, and therefore we would rather have them right under our cye than to stray too far from the fold. No, brethren, the object of this bureau is to enable hus- bands to live with their wives and not mind it. That's what we are here for. Many of our customers get discouraged too soon They arc not willing to let our treatment take its ordinary course. For example, here is a man who writes as follows: a.m. Dear Burecu: ‘About three weeks ago I took a course of treatment, or rather, I subscribed to a preliminary course. You will find my name on your books, and that I have paid in advance. As I explained to you at the time, my wife had the Sunday visitors habit. That is, she in- ted on having friends come out to spend Sunday—just seemed to crave that sort of excitement. Now, I am a quiet, peaceable citizen, and I need my rest. I don’t feel, when Saturday afternoon comes, like taking a lot of municipal cynics out around my. prem: ises—pointing, as it were, with an air of conscious pride to. my superb hayloft, to the fact that I have three bathtubs for my sery ants. and a job lot of hydrangeas that my wife got at a bargain counter three years ago. I'm tired. I want to smoke and rest and dream, all by my lonesome. It keeps me so busy hustling for the almighty — dollar week days, in order to buy Directoire’ gowns, that on Saturday and) Sunday I'm not in the mood to become the bucolic manager of a tort of Cook's tour around my premises—leaving the li brary, say, at nine o'clock, making our first stop at the pagoda, and after viewing the rusty old grapevine, pro- ceeding by easy stages through the chicken house and the garage. I'm tired. Now what do you do for me at the end of three weeks of conscientious use of your remedies? Why, even write this i any com: fort. The house is full of relatives, and my wife, with 2 smile that won't come off, is just reading a. telegram that three old maid friends from the heart of the Massa- chusetts literary belt are on the way and will be at the station when the next train arrives. Wouldn't that get on. vour nerves? It's my oninion that you area firsteclacs fake, Get Tid of some of these people ~ for me, and Iet_me be my self once more, ard T'll he lieve in. you. Otherwise. send me back my remittance. n— w— This is no doubt an ob- stinate case. Let our friend ‘LIFE: 85 returned his money and will treat him free for one year, If by next spring, however, he suddenly awakens to the fact that his wife is beginning to agree with him that their home is sacred, and too many visitors are a nuisance, then we shall expect him to pay up. Later: We have just received this message by wire: Old maids left this morning by carly Relatives getting uneasy, Wife whispered that she never would do it again. Take back all T wrote. Check follows. B— W— This only illustrates the fact that in our darkest hours the morning may be near. Also that this bureau is on the j day and nigh! Every husband who reads this, no matter how chronic his trouble, should communica! with us at once. Confidential. Unfailing. Send for illustrated book of testimonials. Address, Hussanps’ Corresroxpexce Berrav T NEWSPAPER READER": Yes, your inference from the Sigel, Woodill and other recent cases is correct. It is dangerous to fool with men. Not even Chinese are afe. Joe Miller's Intention JT I can't sce,” said the friend to old Joe Miller, after the latter had shown him the manuscript of his Jest “why you ever took the time to collect all these old “I didn’t mean to do so much of it,” explained Joc, con- fidentially. “At first I started out to arrange the scenario of a musical comedy, but learned that the time was not yet ripe for such a production.” Somer noses by any other name would bloom as red. have a little patience. It will take a year to get his Mr. Countryboard > THIS 18 SOMETHING WE DIDN'T MARGAIN FoR! wife regenerated. Wehave Mrs, Countryboard: you KNOW, DEAR, THE ADVERTISEMENT REA! “ ROATIN PATHING AND FISHING! ’? comicbooks.com