Life — July 8, 1909 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

EEE ‘NLESS your car has perfect lubri- cation, your gasoline 1s used for friction instead of miles of speed. The use of Vacuum MOBILOIL saves the wear of your car, the waste of gasoline, and most of the money that goes for repairs. _ Vacuum MOBILOIL is made in six different grades to suit the lubrication of every automobile made. One of these grades is exactly adapted to the nceds of your car. Its use’ is an investment that saves expense. It’ will end forever your lubrication troubles, and add to your pleasure and the life of your car. Write for free booklet showing grade of MOBILOIL adapted to the use of every care Gives track records to date aod moaey-saving motor biats. VACUUM OBILOIL ia barrels and in cans with patent pouring spout, is sold by dealers everywhere. Manufactured by ‘VACUUM OIL CO., Rochester, N.Y. Bug: Gos, mow QUICK THE TIDE CHANGES Too Vague Mistress (at the agency): Now, my husband is very particular whom I engage as a nurse. He wishes me to go into the most minute details about your qualifications. Do you know how to prepare food? Can you sew and mend? Do you mind sitting up late at night? Are you faithful and devoted, and have you a kind, lov- ing disposition? Nurse: Excuse me, ma’am—am I to take care of the baby or your husband ?—Chicago Netes FOR g MEN gy OF 1G ‘BRAINS IGARS “MADE AT KEY WEST A Witty Preacher The Rev. Hugh Peters, who from 1636 to 1640 was settled in Salem, Mass., combined his duties as a minister of religion with the business of trading so successfully that he was spoken of in the colony as “the father of our commerce and the founder of our trade.’ He was also a man of so much humor that after his death a col lection of his witty or humorous sayings was published in book form, It is interesting to re call that the Rev. Mr. Peters was executed as a regicide. He was not directly implicated in the death of Charles I, but was accused of encourag ing the soldiers to cry out for the blood of the king, whom he had likened to Barabbas Mr. Peters had preached one morning for two hours. The sands in the bour-glass had run out He observed it, and turning it over, said to his hearers, “Come, let us have another glass Preaching on devils entering into swine, he said that the miracle illustrated three English proverbs : One. That the devil will rather play at small game than sit out Two. That those must needs go forward whom the devil drives. Three. That at last he brought his hogs to a fair market Tt was a favorite saying of Peters’ that in Christendom there were neither scholars enough, gentlemen enough, nor Jews enough; for, said he, if there were more scholars there would not be so many pluralists in the church; if there were more gentry, so many born would not be reckoned among them; if there were more Jews, so many Christians would not practice usury Once he preached, “ Beware, young men, of the three W’s—wine, women and tobacco. Now 9,059-Word Business Book Free Simply send us a postal and ask for our free illus trated o.0:9 word Business Booklet which tells how riceless Business Experience, squeezed from the ives of 112 big, broad, brainy business men may be made yours—yours to boost your salary. to increase your profits, This free booklet deals with “How to manige abusines. Tiew to tal gods, Tow to eet money by matt Howto tn ivertise a businevs How to devise ofize methods Senting lor this free book bisds you to eothing, iavalves you Tt may te the means of yeu 6: Sately'you will sot deny yourselt this privil ofa postal—a peasy! Simgly. mat 9 Oeamnek Bacvtets Sand to Cpt. 221-12, 151-143 Wabash Ave, Ch tobacco, you will say, does not begin with a W. But what is tobacco but a weed?’ Discoursing one day on the advantages Chris- tians had in having the gospel preached to them: “Verily,” said he, “the Word hath a free pas- sage amongst you, for it goes in at one ear and out at the other.’ Again, from the pulpit: england will never prosper till one hundred and fifty are taken away.”’ The explanation is LLL—Lords, Law- yers and Levites. Preaching on the subject of duties, Peters said, “Observe the three fools in the gospel, who, being bid to the wedding supper, every one had his excuse: “One. He that had hired a farm and must go and see it. Had he not been a fool, he would have seen it before hiring it “Two. He that had bought a yoke of oxen and must go try them. He also was fool, be- cause he did not try them before he bought them. “Three. He that married a wife, and without complement said he could not come. He, too, was a fool, for he showed that one woman drew him away more than a whole yoke of oxen did the former.” One rainy day Oliver Cromwell offered Peters his greatcoat. PhilipMorris igarettes ORIGINAL LONDON There’s absolutely nothing of the com- monplace about them CAMBRIDGE 25¢ AMBASSADOR 35¢ after-dinner size “The Little Brown Box"? “X22. “No, thank you,’’ replied his chaplain. “I would not be in your coat for a thousand pounds.”’—Saturday Evening Post. A More Practical Way Tt was the dreamy hour when the Chri dinner, having been eaten, was doing its best to digest itself and the girls were talking in the hushed tones appropriate to the occasion “T've just heard of a new charm to tell whether any one loves you, and if so, who it is,”” whispered Elsie “What is it? "’ queried Sophie, absently finger her new diamond ri “Well, you take four or five chestnuts, name them each after some man you know, and then put them on the stove, and the first one that p © one that loves you "m,’’ said Sophie. “I know a better way than that"? “Do you? “Yes, indeed. By my plan you take one par- ticular 1 him on the sofa in the parlor, sit close with the light a little low, and Jook into his eyes. And then, if he doesn’t pop, you'll know it’s time to change the man on the sofa.""—Woman's Home Companion He Explained Ata school one day a teacher, having “asked most of his pupils the difference between an island and a peninsula without receiving a satis- factory answer, came to the last boy “T can explain it, sir.’ said the bright youth. “ First get two glasses. Fill one with water and the other with milk. Then catch a fly and place it in the glass of water. That fly is an island, because he is entirely surrounded by water. But now place the fly in the glass of milk, and it will be a peninsula, because it is nearly sur- rounded by water.” The boy went to the top of the class —Am can Veterinary Review. HARTSHORN SHADE ROLLERS Bear the script name of Stewart Hartshorn on label. Get “Improved,” no tacks required. Wood Rollers Tin Rollers comicbooks.com