Life — April 8, 1909 — page 27: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ADelightful VacationinEurope jes of high grade trips sailing in June and July. Auk Sitverlands “Germany, Austria, | France, Great Britain. Also Notway, Russia. Write for particulars, ftating which countries you wish to visit. IW, Dexstvo& C Congregational House. Boston. Mass. Self-Betrayal Jayor Guthr at a dinner in Pittsburg, s: afters whom he had exposed: It was not such a difficult work to catch them as some people think. Guilty men, you see, al- ‘ays betray themselves through their continual ciorts to appear innocent -_ ‘Thus a Philadelphia professor from the Uni- versity of Oxford, at a banquet here one night, drank several glasses of port. The professor did t know this wine's extraordinary strength, and all innocence he took too much. When he : to leave the table, his legs, to his dis tottered, and the room seemed to sway slightly “The horrified professor got to the parlor in safety. He sat down in the most distant corner But soon his young hostess, leading a maid who carried her two beautiful twin babies, came to him for his approbation. The professor sat up very erect. He gazed at the twins glassily. Then he articulated care- hoarse, thick voice : What a bonny little child!’ ''—Mirror. no! Anticipation and Realization Feeppiz: Hooray, sis, what d’ you think? automobile I'm going Feepore: No, you won't. That front seat is for pa and me only—sce? - You've got nothing to say about this au- : I's more mine than your'n, and you'll just have to git in the back seat or stay home. Sis: I won't get in the back seat and I won't stay home. Frevom (pushing her away): See here, now, you just keep out of this automobile.”"—Lippin- cott’s No Difference At dinner one day, Dr. Whately, Archbishop of Dublin, sat near a young aide-de-camp, and in the course of the meal the latter asked his Grace : Do you know the difference between an Arch- Lishop and an ass?'? The Archbishop was too taken aback to reply, and seeing his hesitation the aide-de-camp continued: “ One wears a cross on his mitre, the other wears it on his back.” Dr. Whately looked the young man over with the utmost gravity, and without relaxing a muscle of his face he propounded another conundrum. “Do you know," he said, “the difference be- AROUND THE WORLD IN LUXURY lestbaaspasathespamamermerneieecieemerememenene orem eeaeal THE GREATEST VACATION TRIP THE WORLD CAN AFFORD FOR A FRACTION OF THE USUAL COST the globe ordinarily requires 6 months, 12 changes . with indefinite connections, trouble and dis- ( costs nearly early $3000. K's Cruise rae wor tarts Oct. 16, 100, by the S. S. Arable, 16,000 tons, larze. luxurious untesually steady: berths now available from $600 ‘an shore tri hotels, ete, included. Avoids all the a lays and worry. Visits ports usually accessible wed Seg tramp’, steamers or sailing ships, a route. that mul require 18 changes to cover otherwise. Less than 4 Months. All first-class—no. steerage. THE FIRST OPPORTUNITY IN HISTORY ere fonuctony te. ata rerree, of the most successful toEur geal Ortent cruise Feb. 8, 1910, $400 up, 90 Tours F.C. CLARK, 412 Times Bullding, New York. | P. of Goodness The goodness of Uneeda Biscuit is not a matter of cost to you. It is assured by the careful selection of the best ma- terials for Uneeda Biscuit; by the skill of experts who bake nothing but Uneeda Biscuit; by the perfect cleanliness and appliances of great bakeries built ex- pressly to bake Uneeda Biscuit; and, finally, by the perfect protection of a package that excludes all dust and moisture. All this has resulted in a quality out of all proportion to the price. Uneeda Biscuit FX NATIONAL BISCUIT COMPANY (ween an aide-de-camp and an ass? do not,’’ replied the other. “ Neither sirt"* thundered his Grace-—Bellman, WOMAN'S RIGHTS: N'T SHE LOOK siLty! ~ do 1, Onto His Job Railroad men are telling this incident as ha ing occurred on a Kansas train some time ago: The rails spread and the engine, tender and gage car left the track, but the jar was not hard enough to disturb the sleepers in the rear Pull mans. In the last Pullman the porter was shin ing shoes and, thinking that the train was stop- ping at an unusual place, he went ahead to see about the difficulty, He was told that within a couple of hours the engine could be put back and the track repaired. So he got busy with his shoes again. Suddenly a head popped out of one of the berths and a man shouted: “Say, porter, what we stopping here for? ”” “Oh,"’ answered the porter, “we had a wreck “A wreck? Wow! Oh-oh-oh-wow-wow! My neck! My chest! My back! Oh- —Kansas City Journal. | TEN LIMITED, conducted parties to ROPE ace pair Drees