Life — March 11, 1909 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

326 a eE aE: The Modern Adventures of Princess Piffleton * H, DEAR! "’ said Princess Piffle- “I wish I was Medixval ton, back in ages."" “It's too late to do that now,’ replied her maid Fa- vorita. “You asked to be transported to this time, you know, and there is absolutely no help for it. Come, my dear, you must be fitted for the new style.” “Can't I beg off for to-day?’ “Dear me, no. You have a fitting at eleven o'clock. You couldn't commit a worse crime than to disap- point your dressmaker. Why, if you did, she would ostracise you. Think of that! Come, now, step up into this hip re- ducer.” “What will it do to me?” “ Reduce your hips, of course. There! Steady! Now I will bring on the pres- sure. Hurt? Don't cry! Remember, it is the only way. In a few days you will get used to it. Eh, there, Francois, rn the screw a little faster.” his is worse than the Inquisition,” cried the Princess, “But think of the grand figure you will have—or rather, that you will not have. Come now, throw on this wrap, we will have the motor car ready and then it will be time to go to the dress- ker's. “ What's poor papa doing? "* “Don’t you see him off in the dis- tance, yonder? "* “Why, the poor thing! He appears to be hitting a small object with a stick, and then following it up. Oh, dear me! 1 just knew that all this dreadful life would affect his reason. “His reason is all right, my dear. That's only golf. Why, it’s considered such a sensible game that not only the ruler of the country plays it, but the richest man we have dotes on it. Here's the motor car. Come, get in.”? Poor Princess Pifleton was hustled into the motor car, and they started off down the road to the dressmaker's. They had not gone far, however, before there was a loud report. The car stopped short. “What can the matter be?’’ asked the Princess, frightened almost out of her senses. “Horrid!"’ exclaimed Favorita. “I just know that terrible chauffeur made it happen on purpose. He probably gets a commission from the tire maker.’” “Why don’t you cut his head off?" said the Princess. “If you did it once or twice the car wouldn't stop.”’ “Sh— He might hear you! There! What did I tell you?’ The door opened abruptly, and the chauffeur thrust in his head. “What's that yer saying?’? he de- manded. “Come, now, young lady, you'd better keep a civil tongue in your head. This ain't no joy ride. You can't insult me without insulting the Union. Understand?" ightened almost out of her wits, the Princess Piffleton shrank back into the seat, while Favorita tried in vain to soothe her. In a few moments they stopped at a tall building. As they stepped out of the car, two ladies presented themselves. One of these ladies grabbed Princess Piffleton by the right arm, the other by the left. “Are you with us, my dear?" asked Right Arm. “Say you are with us,”” Left Arm. You must believe,”” said Right Arm, “in equal suffrage for all. Unless we control the ballot, how can we advance beyond our present position? Can you speak? Will you address us to-morrow night?" “Just listen to me,’ interrupted Left Arm, “Don’t pay any attention to her. You don’t want to vote, do you? Of course not. Now we—that is the anti- suffragists—have a mass meeting to-mor- row night. I am sure that you will come. You——"* The faithful Favorita managed to carry the Princess past the line, and de- posited her, in a half fainting condition, in the dressmaker’s establishment. The saleslady came forward. She surveyed the Princess through her lorgnette. “She appears to be indisposed,”” she said, languidly. “ Wait until I send for my maid.” Presently the maid came. She carried a bartender’s guide with her and a port- able sideboard. “ Ab!" she exclaimed, “you need a insisted the ROOT AND BLOSSOM (A POPULAR SPRING VARIETY) bracer badly. Must have been siti up all night at bridge.”’ She started to mix a cocktail. “Manhattan or Martini? have a touch of absinthe?’ “Save me!" muttered the Princess, who, perceived that unless she recov ered herself instantly, she would be forced to take the potion. She rose, and forced a smile Thank you,"’ she said, “I don’t need anything; I am all right. I came to be fitted,’” she continued, to the saleslady. She was hurried into a fitting room Glancing around she saw what appeared to be an array of instruments of tor. ture. But she had no time to speak, A man presented himself instantly. “Kindly remove your clothes.’* The Princess shrieked. “What does this mean?" mured to Favorita. “Don't mind, my dear. It is only the modern way. The men always fit, you know. In a few days you will get used to it. This is really nothing. Wait un- til you are operated on for appendicitis.’” While this explanation was being mad: two girls were handling the Princess without gloves. They stripped off her outer garments, while the man, critically surveying her with his professional gave instructions about the new direc- toire gown, that had been brought in “I can’t stand it!'? muttered the Princess. “It’s too tight.’” “Wait until I get through with you,”” snapped the'man, “and you won't know yourself. It’s only begun now.”” He waved his hand. “Tell her to Will you she mur. comicbooks.com