Life, 1909-03-04 · page 30 of 44
Life — March 4, 1909 — page 30: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a humorous fiction story satirizing fortune-telling fraud and apocalyptic panic. Two wealthy men consult a fake "Professor Gasston" from Pennsylvania who predicts a massive earthquake will destroy New York City on a specific date and time. Taking him seriously, they rent a dirigible balloon to witness the "destruction" from above, carefully positioning themselves over Newark to avoid danger. The satire targets gullible rich people who believe obvious charlatans, and the era's susceptibility to doomsday prophecies. The story mocks both the "professor's" transparent con (he conveniently requires their full names and addresses) and the protagonists' credulity—particularly Arthur's "proof" that fortune-telling works because a vague prediction about meeting a tall blonde came true while he was traveling to Monte Carlo, where such meetings were statistically inevitable. The implicit joke: nothing will happen on the eighth.
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302 /@ CRE Arthur, grimly, “if we were on the spot and it didn't hap- pen.”* “But we can get at a respectable distance. Run along and get that paper and get the fakir’s address. He may be on the level after all. I had my fortune told once, and the chap predicted I'd fall in love with a tall blonde from Chicago in- side of three weeks, and I'll be hanged if I didn’t. “That was a pretty safe proposition,”” said Arthur, “ con- sidering that you were on your way to Monte Carlo, where you couldn't walk a block without running up against a tall blonde from Chicago.” “Well, never mind. Get the fellow’s name.”’ “Here it is,” said Arthur, returning with the paper. “ Professor Pickering Gasston, Bethlehem, Pa.” Is there a long-distance telephone on the island?" “1 don’t think so. We'll call him up from Newport.” Ina few hours more, Henry was shouting over the Casino telephone to Bethlehem, Pa. Professor Gasston was hard to locate, but they finally got him. Yes, It was all right. The thing would happen on the cighth, at cight o'clock a. m. “Good,” exclaimed Henry, as he shut down the receiver. “The Professor, whoever he is, certainly tells a. straight- forward story, only he insisted on getting my full name and Jdress first. Now for business, Where shall we sce it?" “How about the Palisades.”” “Too near. They will probably cave in. You see, from what his royal prophets says, there's hell to pay underneath already, There's an immense crack running slowly through the centre of the earth. It began at "Frisco, and as near as I can determine, it will wind up under the Waldorf palm room. When this happens, dear old New York will give a convulsive shudder, rise up in the air and pass away. Brooklyn, Jersey City, Hoboken, and other well-known baby marts, will follow suit. There isn’t going to be any place safe enough where we can get near enough to see it.”” “How about a balloon?” “By Jove, I hadn't thought of that. Just the thing. I saw an account of a chap who was sailing over town the other day. We'll get his.”” Inside of forty-cight hours the two friends had completed their arrangements. They secured a fine dirigible balloon, and at one o'clock on the morning of the fifth they waited impa- tiently in a large outhouse on the edge of Fordham. Arthur had been through a scientific school, and a little coaching on the part of the owner was all he needed to manipulate the air vessel. “Strange that we never thought of doing this before,”? said Henry, as they slowly arose in the air, while below them glittered the countless lights of the huge metropolitan district. By Jove, old man, isn’t it great? Why, even if nothing happens, it's worth while. Where are you going?" “1 thought,” said Arthur, as he manipulated the steering gear, while he peered at the phosphorescent clock, “that I'd just take a turn over the town before the thing happened. You sce, it won't do to be over it when it does happen, be- cause gases might arise, or rocks might be blown up, or we might he drawn into the vortex. “Well, don't linger too long in the danger zone. They were now over Harlem. They could see the ferry boats, like lightning bugs, floating across the river. It was as if underneath the surface of the earth there was a vast reser- voir of light that streamed forth from a myriad pin holes. They went as far as Sandy Hook, and then turned back. “Six thirty,” said Arthur, at last. “Well, we might as well take our position, I should say over the Newark meadows would be a safe place.”* “AM right.” The balloon slowly drifted across the Hudson River, past Hoboken, until the thin line of the Passaic as it passed through Newark could be seen. Then they hung motionless. Below them lay New York in apparently dead silence. And yet there were certain signs of the matchless, resist- less energy going on in that vast teeming human hot-bed. Lines of smoke drifted on. Vessels of all sizes could be seen. Occasionally, clear and distinct, the vibration of a whistle reached them in the clear morning air. It was not as though they had left the earth. It was as though the earth bad left them—had slipped down away from them. Suddenly, while they were looking at the wonderful scene, there was a low rumbling sound in the distance, that gradually increased in volume. “ Look!’ exclaimed Henry. “ What is that?’ The two friends peered breathlessly over the sides of the balloon car. They were, indeed, the only privileged spectators of the greatest disaster known in history. An inmense crack suddenly appeared in the earth, begin- ning just east of White Plains. And, as if a great unknown giant suddenly, as we take an apple, had grasped the earth be- tween his hands and split it open, the immense fissure grew open with tremendous, incredible rapidity. Down the centre of the Isle of Manhattan the crack ran. While the friends, grasping each other's hands in a frightful emotion, gazed almost fainting on the awful scene, the entire city disappeared in the yawning chasm, the rivers rushed into the void. A huge column of steam arose and volumes of black smoke poured upward. The atmosphere grew dark as night. A cloud of cinders filled the air. “Quick! '” muttered Henry, “or we are lost.”” Arthur, almost incapable of any movement, half mechani cally turned on the power, and the balloon began to move swiftly away from the terrible scene, in the direction of Phila- delphia. At intervals, they gazed backward, but the cloud of dark- ness enveloped the earth; nothing but a black curtain of night; above it the blood red sun. Henry grasped Arthur's arm “ Come,’ he said, blindly, “let us go to Bethlehem, to the professor, whatever's his name.” “All right. We can learn the particulars from him. In fifty minutes more they had descended on the outskirts of Bethlehem. In this peaceful Pennsylvania town all was quict—a wel- fe relief from the horrors they had witnessed. A crowd gathered to witness their descent. From one of the spectators they learned the whereabouts of Professor Gasston In fifteen minutes more they were sitting in the office of that gentleman. The door opened, and a tall, ascetic indi- vidual, with a wonderful eye, entered the room. “Gentlemen, you are prompt. “ Did you expect us?’ said Henry. “Certainly. How did you enjoy the destruction of New York?"” The two friends, still pale with their excitement, shuddered siniultaneously. “ Frightful,"” they murmured. “Well, I am glad it gave you a thrill. Hope you will calt on me again. One hundred dollars, please.” Arthur started up. “What do you mean?’? he exclaimed. “How can you make light of such a terrible thing The Professor smiled. “Gentlemen,” he said, “you certainly could not pay a higher compliment to. my powers.”” “You m “T mean that you have only been hypnotized, by my won- derful new discovery, into believing and actually witnessing the destruction of New York. understand. I mere! Sow, all things are mental, you made you go through the sensations of seeing a disaster, which, of course, never actually took place."” There was a short pause. Then Henry Hope, putting his hand in his pocket and extracting a thousand dollar bill, said : * Professor, it was worth to me ten times the amount you have asked, and I cheerfully make you a present of this little testimonial to your extraordinary ability. But there is one thing I would like to ask. How in the world could you trust us? How did you know that we would come to you right after the show was over, and pay up?"* And the Professor, howing his acknowledgments, replied gracefully : “My dear sir, if I could hypnotize you into seeing what you have seen, don't you suppose I could hypnotize you into coming here and paying for it?” Chesterton Todd. comicbooks.com