Life — March 4, 1909 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

238 *~LIFE- First Aid to Home Seekers (Immigrants From Pittsburg, Chicago and Other Foreign Parts) HE Lower East Side Section. Highly desirable. The heart of the residence district. Acces- sible to Cooper Union, the Aqua- rium and Emma Goldman. — [deal lo- cality for the bringing up of children, whole streets being devoted almost exclusively to this purpose. Neigh- borly quarter, differing in this re- spect from all other parts of the city, and consequently extremely popular with all persons with com- anionable natures. Frequently as many as ten companions reside in the same room at the same time. ¢ escapes on which to sleep ir summer and stow superfluous brats in winter—really very serviceable when there isn't any fire. Rents low, and all homes within easy reach of the Black Hand. In fact, were ** not for the magazine writers and the settlement workers, ins quarter would be hard to beat. But it gets on some people's nerves, this having the family’s degradation used for copy in all the Sunday supplements, not to mention the danger of having one’s soul saved and being moved into a Trinity tene- ment! Those desiring privacy would better aim a little higher, pay a little more and try NLDING ars FOR SALE |” THE UPPER WEST SIDE DISFRICT Not so nice, but more expensive. Formerly inhabited by Governor Hughes and recently the dog-shooting preserve of ex-Chief of Police Kill Devery. District devastated by the icy winds of the Hudson and the United States bankruptcy law. Climate highly beneficial to nurse maids and the bicycle police, but decidedly injurious to children, thousands perishing annually from such maladies as purse pride, overdress and loneliness. Peculiar soil, producing apartment houses in great abundance and musbroom growths of second mortgages and foreclosure proceedings. Private residences are rare, furnaces refusing to flourish in the Arctic atmosphere, but boarding houses are by no means unknown. Principal occupation of the natives, wondering how the neighbors do it; principal 1g the suicides in the subway. If you are really too good to live this district—and we do not blame you—you are a ruined man. You must either go back where you came from or buy a city block, tear it down, erect a monstrosity and become a dweller in the celebrated inspecti UPPER FAST SIDE SPLASIE Cold, cold stones and colder hearts Money and divorces! Inhabitants miserable and helpless, but too rich to know it. Monkey dinners, monkey antics, monkey brains. Children practically extinct. Universat depravity, the effete civilization of the Orient being gene one hundred better, A national horror, shocking to the world at large and abso- lutely abhorrent to the healthy ideals of the great American people. The Mecca of the godless financier—and his wife! Glamour and illusion, but a skeleton behind! Don't let it de- ve you. Any of us who live elsewhere can tell you ail about it. The human limit! Arthur Judd Ryan. To-ay is yesterday's “I told you so. THE SAME OLD LURE A Hypothetical Question Question—What is your name? Answer—A. Traction Expert. Question—Well, Mr. Expert, how would you answer the following hypothetical question? Suppose, under the authority of the Dartmouth College Decision by which Daniel Webster so adroitly fixed the channel of history, a gang of pirates were given perpetual control of the streets of a city with the express understanding that they were to carry the people at a certain specificd price, and: that they immediately pro- ceeded to pay more attention to capitalization than to trans- portation, until finally there was no way to get the people hauled without appointing receivers who, as officers of the law with extra powers, were able to raise fares and continue to give more attention to paying dividends than hauling the people, and until there were no tracks or cars or other ma- terial assets left, nothing except the right to continue doing the same thing until, finally, the people were not carried at all at a still higher price, what would you say? Answer—I should say that the city you referred to must be New York. No other people would submit to it. Ellis O. Jones. From the San Francisco Call Loxe Bracnt, ‘early goo children were dismissed from the pablic schools today because they had not been vac- cirated. The parents of most of the children will not permit them to he vaccinated. Several families will leave town on account of the trouble, A public mass meeting has been called for to-morrow night by the anti-vaccinationists to consider the subject So; they are beginning to wake up at Long Beach! In New York UDIENCE—A small body of people entirely surrounded by Jews. "TWAS EVER THIS comicbooks.com