Life — February 4, 1909 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“LIPE* Linights of We Round Cable Right Up-to-Date Chapter I OW Sir Benjamin de Tillman wroght against Ye Knight of the Holy Grail, and had like to have lost his life. It befell in the days of Rockefeller, when that he was King of all Graftland, and so reigned, there was one yclept Knight of Ye Holy Grail, who compassed all about him with words of garrulous mean- ing and jousted with conceit full well, and 1 saying all was not like to stop; for well he knew his own raundon, and slashing about with his big stick any doughty and orgulous knights, Excalibur, he slew so that there came a great drea kingdom. Now the name of this fearsome ht was Theodore de Roustebout, and when Sir Benjamin heard of him, he graithed himself full well, and arraying in his hauberk, and taking his trusty gysarm, he strode forth on his good steed Honourbound, and would give ye knight battle. I am Dee-lighted, said Theodore de Roustebout. And King Carnegas du Pittsburg, and Pepe le Morgan and Lyman de Abbott and Sir Thomas de Ryan, be- sides Duke du Root and his errant knights of Gotham and Sir Jo de Putitizer, King Gary, and the Knight of the Silver shield, Sir Bryan de Downandout, he with dole in his hearten, for full sore felt he from his wounds gotten in battle with ye same knight, all of these foregathered in the courtel- age; and there were full others beside. The Lady Columbia, in heaviness clothed as she was to see so sad a sight. Never- theless, she bore herself with becoming dignity. Anon there came the giant trusts, and sat them down round about, and all were feared except Ye doughty Theo- dore And again anon came ye Congress grafters, and they jousted merrily with each other, albeit only in play, and handed out the revenues to all who entreated with generosity gladsome; nor beskift one beggar, which was like to make the Lady Columbia shed dole, for that she was much dretched with the robber crew. And soon came the brigadier generals, full risen to great governance from bookkeepers and plumbers. making great swough ; meseemeth, it would have heen more scemly and curtiest. for them to abate their conceit. And there came Pen- sioners, full and plenty, and they gat them about and did eat of the provender un- til was there none left. Time servers there were also in goodly numbers, and office holders and what not, all in. pursuit of the holy graft, to the wonton afterdele of the whole land, Now said the Knight hight Pepe le Morgan, for that he was of great prowess, and girt about with bonds and art treasures from over water, and the king pin amoung panic jousters, God wot said he, that there be a fair field foughten, and he pressed back King Rockefeller of him over the Ye Phomber Brizadier-Ceneral with his right hand, albeit that orgulous King made stour with him, but he laughed blithly. Come off said he; thou mayst square thyself with the magazine readers, maugre thy record, and make them to think thou art the real thing, but we of the round table are on to thee, and wot well thy semblaunt. Then King Rocke- feller called his henchman Archbold de ribbler and said Sir Archbold, dost thou issue another circular to the press, me list to paint us all in virtue’s hue, nor with thy cunning words spare our qualities. § Benjamin de Tillman Certes replied Sir Archbold, full boughten is the Senate already, and wist ye well it is high time to square us with the masses. So it was done. Yet King Rocke- feller sat disperpled before Pepe le Morgan, nor venture.l again in governance, albeit Pepe le Morgan was silent all time, and kept mum. Yer all knew he was the main guy in Graftland. Chapter II Then Theodore de Roustebout armed him and mounted upon his horse, and rode more than a pace away and the damosel Columbia was ware of him, as were all the rest, and she said Now wage thy battle well, for een way it goes I suf- fer. Howbeit that Sir Benjamin be proved a grafter, then meseems my spirits shall abate still more. And Sir Theodore rode a wallop, rashing about with Ex- calibur, laying it athwart the Congress assembled, foining and flaying off and to-shivered them, for, said he, 1 am immune, and forthinketh me, it is my bounden duty to raise hades— and so he slashed about again and again. Until there was hue and cry, and Congress garte a grouch on, and bade ye dominating Knight to cease his wanton slander against such holy men as they, albeit they had squandered the revenues in riotous living. But Sir Theodore was not stonied, and showed his teeth all the more and had like to have fallen on them again. And I count myself said he, the best in the Kingdom, and full well ye know ye are all liars. I would be quit of the despite you have done me so that Sir Bil de Taft, who comes after, will not be forfoughten on thy account. And my deeds will live in the state archives, said he, where my messages take up all the space there is. Then forth from the Congress assembled came the doughty Sir Benjamin de Tillman, and they have at each other. And so they went eagerly to battle, and gave cither great strokes, and Sir Benjamin's horse Honourbound was sore stricken. And_ this, sighed Sir Benjamin, is the horse that has car- ried me so far and I a blustering. Now, Knight, said Theodore, thou art an- other, and smote him again, and Sir Benja- min’s sword brast and he could speak only feebly, for his horse Honourbound was all to the bad. Yet he would not cry mercy, but called lustily for one Sir Foraker to help, and Sir Foraker came forward and smote Theodore, who, nothing daunt, beskift him full well. comicbooks.com