Life, 1908-11-12 · page 22 of 24
Life — November 12, 1908 — page 22: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page is primarily **advertising**, with one notable satirical poem titled "To Father Time." The poem mocks early-1900s consumer anxieties about modern life's complications. It asks "Father Time" to reverse progress and restore a simpler past—specifically requesting: - Rustless skirts and "hustleless" men - Absence of teddy bears, microbes, and "fakeless" things - No "rats" (hair-styling pieces worn under hair) - No peroxide for hair bleaching - A return to when breakfast didn't require Shredded Wheat cereal - "Whineless" farmers and "moving-pictureless" towns **The satire**: The poem gently ridicules Americans' simultaneous embrace of modern conveniences while nostalgically lamenting their complications. Items like safety razors, automobiles ("hustleless"), and processed foods promised to simplify life but instead created new anxieties—hair maintenance, food preparation standards, entertainment expectations. The poem's tone is humorous rather than harsh; it's social commentary wrapped in whimsy, poking fun at the tension between progress and tradition that defined the era. The surrounding advertisements (champagne, caskets, cigarettes, shade rollers) reinforce this theme of modern consumer products.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
CHAMPAGNE CROPS Failures of the Champagne Crops in recent ears have left enormous quantities of wine to sold which no house would think of ship- ping as Vintage Champagne. To make it saleable it must be blended with older and bet- ter wines and shipped as Non-vintage cham- pagne. You can be certain, however, of al- ways getting a guaranteed Vintage Champagne by ordering Monopole Red Top 1898 (Moderately Dry) OR Dry Monopole Brut 1898 Caskets of Metal The Springfield Metallic Cas place within the reach of private families a tribute which before could be yielded only by entire nations to their saints and kings. The Springfield Metallic Caskets are in- destructible. They are made of bronze, of cast metal and of steel. They hold the remains in perfect protection from the de- sacred forever. ‘Their simple beauty is im- pressive and lends dignity to the last rites Make your final tribute worthy of your love. To all who write we will send “’ The Final Tribute,”’ telling of the efforts of all peoples, even savages, to preserve the bodies of their dead. (Very Dry) spoilment of the earth,—keep the body The Monopole now on the market, at the usual price, is exclusively of the celebrated 1898 vintage. 10,000,000 bottles of Monopole Champagne are in reserve. ALEX D SHAW & CO 76 Broad St N Y General Agents The Springfield Metallic Casket Co., Springfield, ©. Do youenjoy a Cigarette with real flavor and taste—mild, full and satisfying The Springfield Bronze Casket, the most perfect burial receptacle known. U.S. Letters Patent, Sept, 13, 1898 TO FATHER TIME Backward, turn backward, O Ti Give Give us a A rustleless skirt, and a hustleless man, in thy flight! HARTSHORN SHADE ROLLERS Bear the script name of Stewart Hartshorn oa label. Get “Linproved," no tacks required Wood Rollers Tin Rollers A habe teddy-bearless, a microbeless kiss, fight fakeless, a straight-frontless m A gigeleless schoolgirl, and—better than that! do, ask your dealer for IMPERIALES A summer-clad college man wearing it hat! I know, Father Time, that I'm asking too much, But turn to a day em a dinner was lunch. Swing back to an age peroxideless for hair— An xon ere “rats'’ made their rendezvous there— hioned breakfast without Shredded Freett on receot CIGARETTES and you will get a cigarette distinctive and dif- ferent from any you have ever smoked. Impertales are made of a rich, perfectly blended selection of the finest leaf, rolled in thin rais paper and crimped, not pasted. They have individual mouthpieces to cool the smoke. The Increasing demand for Imperiates Cigar- ettes is the best proof of thelr appreciation by critical smokers, If your dealer cannot supply you write us direct, A season when farmers went whineless a day A burgh moving-pictureless—ah, what a tre: A gumless-girl town and a trolleyless street; I'm asking too much, but I pray, dy Time, For days when a song had both substance and rhyme! The Bohertian. AN advertisement of a nursing bottle printed in a Canac newspaper concluded with the following: “ When the 1 is done drinking it good old Ale, and like it with a bewitching froth of cream, luscious flavor and spark- ling brilliancy, just specify [: you are fond of a glass for one package, if you prefer, Just to try them. must be unscrewed and laid in a cool place under atap. If the baby does not thrive on fresh milk, 10c for 10 it should be hoi —St. Louis Mirror. THE JOHN BOLLMAN CO., Mfr. a COOK’S NILE STEAMERS Cairo to Luxor and the First Catarac LEWIS N. urplus $13 and weekly thereafter, connecting with service for the Second Cataract, Khartoum, Uganda, &c. In addition | Cook's Express Steamers saii every Monday and Friday. Luxurious dahabeahs and special steamers for charter to families and private parties. | TOURS TO THE ORIENT 424 ANNUAL SERIES, Leave Nov. 2, 1908, Jan 7, 9, 23, Feb. 13. 18, 27, 100, Travelde Livre through Egypt, Moly Gi FoR y MEN G BRAINS Land, The Levant, etc. “MADE AT KEY WEST/— INDIVIDUAL TRAVEL TICKETS EVERYW! “IMPORTED” “ROYAL NESTOR” NY. . THOS. COOK & SON Greg fate oes mea New York, Boston, Philadelphia, Chicago , ties San Francisco, and 140 Offices Abroad The Qridinsl Bread of Ores 20 teers to $40 “ NESTOR"? De Potter Tours, 32 Broadwa: Around the World December 9: Orient, January 393 Various Tours to Europe.—30th Year, Old World Tourist Guide Free. icbooks.com