Life, 1908-11-05 · page 29 of 48
Life — November 5, 1908 — page 29: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page satirizes the absurd entitlement of a wealthy American millionaire who believes money exempts him from natural laws and common sense. The story follows a rich man consulting a doctor about his health troubles, then a professor about discomfort in expensive clothes—in both cases insisting his wealth should allow him to transcend ordinary constraints. He demands specially-cold water at a soda fountain, then attempts to fly off a rooftop because "a Man of my Means should not fly with the greatest ease." The joke: money cannot buy exemption from physics, biology, or basic reality. The doctor, professor, and clerk all respond with mild bewilderment at his delusions. The moral explicitly states that "God does not consult Bradstreet's or Dun's"—financial rating agencies—when enforcing natural laws. The cartoons show the millionaire's comical self-importance. This reflects Progressive-era American skepticism toward unchecked wealth and the belief that the rich absurdly overestimated their power.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
‘LIFE: ‘9 lite, just when I am richer than ever before. Can you tell me how to get well? "* The Doctor smiled indulgently, for he knew his patient was a Millionaire several times over. “Possibly you are eating too much,"” he suggested. “Impossible,” replied the patient, “I can afford it and a Man of my standing cannot stint himself, you know.’* Very well,"” said the doctor, still thinking of the pro- spective fees, “take these and come back to-morrow.” While the doctor was stringing him along on Bread Pills Pepsin, the Millionaire began to give attention to his Wearing Apparel. He went to one of those Tailors where the Name costs more than the Clothes and ordered a vast quan- tity of Suits generously mixed with fancy Waistcoats. When they were delivered, he put on several Suits, hung two or three fancy Waistcoats over his arm and sallied forth. In spite of the fact that he was better dressed than any man on the street he was uncomfortable, for the day was warm. As he walked along he met a Professor of Physics from the local University “ How's this, Professor?” he asked. “I am better dressed than any Man on the street, and yet I was never so uncom- fortable in all my life “Possibly you have on too many clothes,’” rejoined the Professor. “Yes, but I can afford them,"’ argued the Millionaire. “A Man of my means should not dress the seme as the Rabble. What is the use of having Money, if one does not use it?" The Professor passed on rather abruptly, because he had other and more important things to think about, and he con- sidered himself neither an Arbiter of Fashion or a Psycholo- gist. The Millionaire went into the Drug Store and asked for a Drink of Water at the Soda Fountain. “Give me the coldest Water you have,"’ he said to the Clerk. The Clerk, not knowing his great Wealth, promptly pro- duced the required Potion and offered it to the Millionaire without Ceremony. The Millionaire was displeased. “This is the way you serve to everyone, is it not?'’ he demanded impatiently. “Yes, sir,” said the Clerk, calmly drawing himself a choco- late Dope. “Well, that won't do me. I'm a Millionaire, and I want colder Water than the average Man gets.” “If 1 made it any colder, it would freeze," replied the Clerk, picking up a clinical thermometer and sticking it into the Glass, whereupon the Millionaire left in disgust at the audacity of a clerk who had never even met Mr. Bradstreet and yet who wanted to discuss a point in Chemistry with a Millionaire who was rated Att. Shortly after this he decided to try his hand at flying. There is no reason, he argued to himself, why a Man of my Means should not fly with the greatest ease. He sought out the Professor of Physics from the local University, not so much to ask his advice as to boast a little of suspected power. “This is to be the crowning Achievement of my most suc- cessful Career,” he said at length. “What do you think of it?” “You may be a Bird,” said the Physicist, “and your Head may be light enough, but Specific Gravity is Specific Gravity, and that is the end of it.”” Nevertheless the Millionaire went up to the Top of the House and jumped off. The result was very disconcerting to himself and highly satisfactory to his Heirs, whose knowledge of the world enabled them, speaking from the worldly view- point, to handle his Money with more discretion. Moral—God does not consult Bradstreet’s or Dun's in de- termining how his Laws should be enforced Ellis O. Jones. A Generous Love OTHER: Tottie, you must be generous with your candy. Pass it around. Tortie (to guest): Take all you want. Take two.