Life — August 27, 1908 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Titime Benj.—A manufacturer of pyrotechnics, located in South Caro: lina, but displaying his wares all over the country. This gentleman began life as a farmer, where he learned to use a pitchfork, thus paving the way for a place in the Senate, He has been inter- ested in many edueational movements, hut too busy to use himself as a subject He has a flow of language which is the envy of all first-class politicians. At one time he was mentioned for the Presi- dency, but this has never been laid up against him, — Principal. occupation Keeping things stirred up. Favorite hymn: “Fight On."? Address Peace Tributtal: Hague. care Wall Street W LL STREET is the most sterile spot on carth, The only crop it ever raises consists principally of Has Beens and Panics. It is bounded on the north by the Aurora Borealis, on the east by nal Debt of the south by the Senate Chamber at Washirigton, and on the west by the Rockefeller golf links. Wall Street is regarded as necessary by magnates, politicians and writers of fiction. It will therefore undoubtedly exist after orthodox religion has been buried in the past. It contains treacherous pools whose depths never reveal themselves, and has *LIFE> Who's What dn and Out of America R id, Whitelaw.—Ambassador to England and chigf representative of the Standard il, Tobacco, Ice, Steel, Coal, Meat, and other charitable Ameri who has their dignity at the can organizations, been en- xaged 10 uphold Court of St. James’, and incidentally to display his fine figure. He is also aristocrat, plutocrat, diplomat and_hot- crostat. This gentleman was for years located in this country, where he rocked the editorial page of the Tribune to sleep every night, but once a piece of news which told the truth about the Re- publican party was printed in this paper by mistake, and in order that it might not happen again he was sent to the core of the British Empire, where he roams will, hobnobs with the head butle nd grooms down each day the diplo- matic relations. His favorite occupation is looking intelligent. tion: Bridge with Edward. dress “ Figurehead.”” avorite recrea- Cable ad- the most famous slide in America. toboggan The spirit of Wall Street is indicated hy the fact that, sits down, every one has to pay between Ithough no one ever 70,000 and $80,000 for the privilege of seat Wall Street is in reality a necessity. li it were abolished there would be nothing left but the crude forms of highway robbery. Besides, the young men of the coun- try would then have nothing else to do but try to earn an honest living—which is totally against the spirit of our insti- tutions. TIS MORE BLESSED T0 Givg THAN TO RECEIVE,» forgotten hero Dower, Seorse 4 of the past, who, f settling over him, ding obscurity married to make a sure thing of it, and thus put every Vice- President the country has ever known to the blush. This young man awoke one before breakfast to find himself famous, and mused the publi for several days, was put up in the attic with the basking in the upon the having ther toys. He is now not even white light that thrown down. His “Le and passed on,” heats favorite motto is: me, I saw, I conquered, What his principal oc- cupation is no one knows. Author of the Dewey Cigars, the Dewey Corsets, the Dewey Toothpicks, and at one time endorser of several Address unknown popular remedies. “MR, BUTTKIX HAS A VERY VALUABLE OPINION OF WIMSELF.”” YES, AND DON’T YOU KNOW, 1 HAVE HEARD IT WHISPERED THAT ME 1S PART corToy.”” - J comicbooks.com