Life — August 27, 1908 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

*LIFE: 217 About the only thing that is a sure cure for ‘em is cash spent right along. That will always keep ‘em going more or less. If I could have had that old girl in my shop for a few days I'd have smoothed her out some, And she needed some- thing more than a fresh coat of paint, too. I'm working to-day on a six-cylinder Nervster from N. Y The man who owns it landed here at midnight with a busted radiator and a black eye. He had dined with some chorus girls the night before, and at 3 A. M, started for the North Pole. The girls escaped, but it will take him about as long to get the alcohol out of his system as it will for me to fix up his circulation. Bin. A Sample Platform, for the Use of Political Parties Ww the party, in national convention assembled, make the following declaration of principle: First—We hereby make it a rule not to accept campaign contributions of more than dollars cach. Second.—Prosit! Greeting! Salute! and so on to our dear old soldiers and all their relatives. No matter what it costs the country, we will stand by them to the bitter end. Third.—Initiative and Referendum! We don’t know what in thunder this means, but we want it. Other parties claim it, but it is ours by right. Fourth—The tariff will receive our prayerful considera- tion. Of course all “ interests "’ will be protected. Fifth.—We hail the laboring man of this country as king. We will right his wrongs. We promise a series of cheap ex- cursions from the White House up the Potomac River. We Promise a full dinner pail. We promise more bathtubs in every workman's cottage. If there is anything else we have forgotten, we promise that also. Sixth—Our Supreme Court has long been a source of annoyance and chagrin to every one. We propose to do away with it entirely, thus removing a menace to the country. Seventh—We are in favor of an income tax, as long as it doesn’t affect our income, or the incomes of any one who is helping our party to its rights. In conclusion, if our candidates are elected we shall, of course, see that every industry is protected; that Wall Street is undisturbed; that our banking interests don’t suffer; that labor organizations are permitted full swing, and that we spend no more than five or possibly six billions of dollars during the next year or so The World Moves I a letter to the New York Tribunc, written about two years go, the late Ernest Crosby said: The inauguration of the Rockefeller Institute should not pass without a single word of protest. I venture to predict that the time will come when the searching for human health among the infected organs and tortured nerves of our fellow animals will be regarded with the same loathing which we now visit upon the worst bar. barians of our ancestors. A correct prophecy. The time will not only come, but it will come soon. Some years ago human slavery was considered by the majority of Americans a pretty good thing. Of course, the negroes didn’t like it, but they did not count. Neither do dogs like vivisee- tion, and they do not count. But the negro had friends. So has the dog i" Volt “WELL, WHAT Is IT Now? "’ “PA, WHEN 1 GROW UP, HOW WILL 1 KEEP FROM MARRYING THE WRONG WOMAN? ’” you won't.”