Life — August 20, 1908 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

~~) Husbands » [JUSBANDS are largely manufactured out of the raw material grown on farms and outlying dis- tricts. There are some few city varieties, but they are poor in quality. The farm output is usually taken to the city early in life, and fed on rum, tobacco and business until he becomes fat enough to kill for the matrimonial market He is then led out to the slaughter and used thereafter as a basis for millinery and dress goods. Husbands form one of our chief assets. They are patient, docile under treatment, become cnured early in life to hard labor, and are useful at dinner parties and political gatherings. The American variety differs from the foreign breeds in many important particulars, He is more easily domesticated and stands any amount of abuse without complaint. There are several instances on record where husbands have slept night after night in pajamas, made by their wives and starched under their per- sonal supervision, without murmuring. They have even been known, in rare instances, to attend church regularly. There are several kinds of husbands. The early morning variety is very companionable, but short lived. In some households the silent husband is the main feature, acquiring this great gift Ly long practice. The literary husband, as a rule, is thin and poor and has his fur rubbed off in spots and lays his ears well back. The Salt Lake husband has a large, open heart, is liberal in his views, and many sided. He is, in fact, all things to all women The best husbands are caught young when their spirits can be easily broken. A Strange Proceeding he NT TERRIBLE (watching Uncle Jack’s fiancée dress- ing her hair): How queerly you do your hair! “How so?” “Why, Aunt Jane pins hers to her lap, Mummie holds hers in her teef, but you leave yours sticking to your head.”* SIGNS OF THE zODIAC ‘LLP B® The 189 Political Extravaganza In Ye Year 1908 Scexe: Two large and varie- gated platforms, separated by a thin curtain, both being very much alike, and composed | “by planks that have just been sawed and planed by _ paid experts. There . is a low mur- muring sound, accompanied by slow music, and Taft and Sherman step for- ward.’ Sherman keeps in the back ground, his long Congressional career making him exteremely diffident. Solo—W. R. Taft I would beg to state I'm a candidate Quite hale and hearty and ruddy. And in spite of all talk— Though I walk the chalk— Tam not an understudy. But the G. O. P. that I represent Is for me a matter of sentiment, And I beg to repeat, tho” you stare, I'm not tied up to the Teddy Bear. H may He gracefully retires with his side partner. There is a loud braying, and several tom-toms are beaten by Pam- many chiefs, filling the air with their peculiar music. W. J. Bryan, leading his running mate by the whiskers, now steps forward. He bows gracefully, while Kern fans him vigorously. Solo—W. J. Bryan. Twelve years ago, As you doubtless know, With a cross of gold I ran, I was rude and crude— Quite far from a dude— But now I’m a proper man. I have traveled wide, And my head applied To Culture and Art, you see. I've broadened my mind And I'm highly refined, As a President ought to be. But the common folks that I represent Are still a matter of senti- ment, And with praceful front, why, I beg to sing That I’m not tied to a single thing. He bows neatly, several large bouquets are handed to him and he retires. There is then a loud blare of music and the band plays “The Conquering Heroes Come,” comicbooks.com