Life, 1908-08-06 · page 39 of 54
Life — August 6, 1908 — page 39: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This humorous piece satirizes young ambition and journalistic overreach. Young Egbert, aspiring to be a reporter, treats his sister's romantic visit from a suitor as a "story" to cover. He stations himself as an observer, creating absurd "diagrams" and detailed "reports" on the couple's progression from conversation to physical affection—tracking their movement to the sofa, kiss sounds at timed intervals, and culminating in the father's arrival home, which sends the couple into comic disarray. The satire works on multiple levels: it mocks the pretensions of eager young journalists eager for "scoops," the mechanical nature of courtship rituals, and Egbert's complete lack of social sensitivity in treating intimate moments as reportable news. The accompanying illustration of a bee ("Bee It Ever So Humble") provides visual comedy. The page also includes brief medical commentary by Dr. Page criticizing excessive medication—unrelated filler content typical of Life's format.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A Reportorial Love Affair 'OUNG EGE T and his mother sat mysteriously at the head of the irs, in the dim light of early evening. A few moments before, Egvert’s sister had received a young man caller, and had promptly disappeared with him into the gloomy recesses of the front parlor. Young Egbert’s one ambition was to be a reporter. He had read all the liter- ature on the subject, his mind was filled with “scoops? and “beats,” and he had determined, with proper journalistic instinct, to do full justice to this occa- sion. His mother, excusing herself on the ground that she had a duty to perform, in watching her daughter, was equally ready to listen. Egbert slid down stairs, but in a few nts silently returned. Breathlessly he whispered mo: “Present indications are that there will be a good story all right. Mere is a diagram of room. Chairs are arranged as shown in Giagram, with sofa in extreme corner. Gas she faint glimmer. The cross (X) shows the spot where lovers first met. Con- versation as follows: Oh, Georye! How could yout’ “Full particulars later.” Once more he sped away, and aga returned : Lovers practically unchanged. apparently have no realization of th ker. Progress to sofa marked by demonst tions all along the line of march. At last holding hands. Sofa creaking slight- dan- ly.” In a few moments more he was back again “Sh. At seven forty-seven, stern ti there was a faint smacking sound quickly followed by another, Silences between. ‘These continued, ct intervals of about five seconds, with scarcely any interruption, un: Lil a blind on window blew back. Following conversation was taken down: BEE IT EVER SO HUMBLE ADVICE TO AERONAUTS AVOID NEW YORK DURING CLOUDY WEATHEK “*OH George!" “* You musth’ My hair is coming down Jeorge refused to be _ interviewed. Hair fell at seven fifty-two. Full particulars later.”* Egbert sped away once more. But at this instant the boy reporter's father came in through the front door, opening it with the latch key, having first become aware of the buggy in front. The boy's next report was as follows: “Tt was indeed a thrilling moment. The light from overhead, now suddenly become like the noon day run, shone down o7 a scene that bafftes description, Devastation supreme. The young and beautiful for the imported puffs Her confession in rig: girl reached in vi strewed the floor. Jescription of her clothes, will ap- a later edition “POSTSCRIPT: Diagram revised here with. Cross (X) marks spot where lover alf open wirdow " disappeared through Medicinal WW HEN that good time comes which Sir Frederick Treves, King Edward's phy- sician, has recently predicted must some day the people will leave off the ex come, when traordinary habit of taking med they are sick it has already arrived for millio:s of well-informed human bei gs. —Charles Page, M.D. Kind of looks as tho Dr. Page did not believe in heavy doses, He also says, in the same interesting pamphlet Who employs drugs or other means to banish the symptoms of disease is, as Dr. Oswald long ago declared, performing an act analogous to “muffling the alarm bells dur- ing a conflagratio Incidentally, 1 gentleman bas no enthusiasm for vivisection W SHALL never have perfectly physical human beings until love has been demonstrated to be unnecessary.