Life — July 23, 1908 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

+LIFE- There was a little Boston child Of ways controlled, of temper mild, For all that psychic thought extends He used for therapeutic ends. He did not have the stomach-ache, ‘The whooping-cough he did not take; “No functional disorders act,” Said he, “on my subconscious tract.” Nor did this little fellow fret If what he wished he did not get; His mental poise hed quickly find By treating his subconscious mind. And when his mother cried, “I am ased to find you stealing jam,” He answered from the pantry shelf, “Mama, 't was my subconscious self. No matter what his mother said (She was a woman Boston-bred), Still, for his irritating prank That child received a conscious spank. cabeth Bennett, Century. Finest Oxe-Day_ Purasure Tair 1x America— D. & H. R. R. to Saratoga Springs, steamer through Lake George and Lake Champlain to the Adirondacks, Hotel Champlain or Montreal A RUMMAGE SALE The women of the “U. C, M. A.” Club were to be | entertained at Mrs. Blank’s. Each member received a card telling her to bring with her something which she had no use for but which was too good to throw | away. They all brought their busbands—Success, | Asuevitte, N. C.: The four-season resort of the South. Tae Manos, the English-like Inn of Ashe- ville. Gurss Wao.—He is the press and the people, the | sultan who rules the Turks; he is the bell in the steeple and he is the whole blamed works. He is the | hill and valley, the dawning, the dusk, the noon; he is the large white alley, he is the man in the moon. He is the soothing slumber, he is the soul awake; he is the big cucumber that gives us the belly-ache. He is the fire that quickens, the company that insures; he is the ill that sickens, and he is the thing that cures, He is the ruling Russian and we are the grov- cling skates; he is the Constitution and he’s the United States.—Emporia Gazette. NOT ALL Loss Quotations cleverly malapropos or neatly distorted furnish half the wit of the pr ssional humorist. Nevertheless, when such a verbal misstep is sponta neous, there is often real fun in it. A young man had been out sailing with his sister and a friend of hers. He did not know particularly well the fine points of the art, and on trying to make the landing against a head wind, he exclaimed, after several vain attempts: | “Well, it is better to have luffed and lost than never to have luffed at all! "—Youth’s Companion. Detawane & Hupsow R, R.—Shortest. Quickest and Best Line between New York and Monireal. Through Pullmans, dining o cafe cars. Reservations at Grand Central Station. IN NEW YORK STATE. “Say, dad, what is ‘innocuous desuctude'?” “It’s the polite term for a racehorse, John."— Harper's Weekly. Amonc life's ups and downs the most annoying are keeping expenses down and appearances up—New Orleans Times-Democrat, GREAT BEAR SPRING WATER “Its purity has made it famous." While Rock “The World’s Best Table Water”’ The Hit of the Hour, “Richard's Poor Almanach,” beautifully bound and illustrated humorous boot, sent for 10¢, Address White Rock, Flatiron Building, N.Y: to swear by—not at | O eeeeatie GOLF BALL It stands for durability, distance, direction A’perfectly balanced golf ball Price, 50 cents The B. F. GOODRICH COMPANY AKRON, OHIO Knitted Underwear (not the closely woven kind) with consequent interstices between the stitches, gives the proper ventilation for Summer. Our Gauze Merino ab- sorbs_ perspiration per- fectly. For men, women and children. Woven label on every garment. (Nine Highest Awards) int weno ERY American Osten Wholesale Dept., 110 Franklin St., New York. Sursrua’s ARCADIA MIXTURE In each pound there are three to four hundred pipefuls—it costs $2.00 per pound —three-quarters of a cent a pipe. If you smoke five pipes a day it’s less than four cents—five hours of pleasure for four cents—certainly ARCADIA is cheap enough for you to smoke. SEND 10 CENTS [ri.etesce toe: ‘THE SURBRUG CO., 132 Reade St., New York Clark’s Cruises 3 “Arabic” {3° Feb. 4, Orient s Oct. 16, '09, Feb. 5, "10, Cruises Round the World. Fall Tours, ’08, Round the World. F.C. CLARK, New York ‘Times Building, Have You the Ms Ever stopped to think how appropriate vans’ Ale is for the Summer Home Camp} or Yacht THE ALWAYS READY ENTERTAINER O. H. Evans & Sons, Hudson, N. ¥. comic