Life — June 4, 1908 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ZBatads! ‘THE DISTINGUISHING PRINCIPLE Fashion had dictated the amputation of the whisker.“ Nev- er!” exclaimed the Populists, hastily convening. “Once shaved, we couldn't be distinguished from Bryan Democrats."”—Phila- delphia Ledger. THE OLDEST OF PROFESSIONS An old friend of the family had dropped in to see a young lawyer whose father was still paying his office rent “So you are new practising law,” the old friend said, genially. ve said the candid youth, “I appear to be, but Lam really practising economy.""—Youth's Companion. “THERE should be more investigation of cases where graft ‘seems probable," remarked the energetic citizen. “I don't know,” answered Farmer Corntossel: westigations never yet added much to my peace of mind. I'm one of those fool people who would rather go on suspecting the worst than have it proved ‘ashington Star. THE PRICE OF OBEDIENCE Upon moving into a new neighborhood the small boy of the family was cautioned not to fight with his new acquaintances. One day Willie came home with a black eye and very much spat- tered with dirt “Why, Willie,” said mamma, "I thought I told you to count a hundred before you fought!" “I did, mamma,” said Willie, “and look what Tommy Smith did while I was counting!""—Ladies’ Home Journal. automobil funny way? —Wasp. Lire is published every Thursday, simultaneously in the United States, Great Britain, Canada and British Possessions. $5.00 a year in advance. Additional postage to foreign countries in the Postal Union, $1.04 a year; to Canada. 52.cents. Single current copies, 10 cents. Back numbers, after three moaths from date lication, 25 cents. No contribution trill be returned unless accompanied by stamped and addressed envelope. Lure is for sale Ly all Newsdealers in Great Britain. The International News Company. Breams “Watt,” said the cannibal chief, as his followers brought in the lean but plucky explorer, “who in blazes ever said ‘the bray- est are the tenderest’ ?""—Princeton Tiger THAT WAS A PHILANTHROPIC PROFESSOR WHO LEFT US THIS SUN-CLASS LAST SUMMER” ‘Sweet Tune: What is that man doing who is lying under the in Sarcastic Baute: Why, can't you see, he is picking daisies? SEVENTY TIMES SEVEN ‘Tue Prestoest: It appears from your record that you have been thirty-seven times previously convicted, Tue Prisoner (sententiously): Man is not perfect Herald. A From a Paris paper we take the following conversation in a V — police court: CBs = —Heme A vexy dignified Bishop, after a long journey to conduct a service in a distant village, was asked by the spokesman of the reception committee if he would like a whisky-and:soda to keep ‘out the cold. “No!"’ replied the Bishop, emphatically, for three reasons: First, because I am chairman of the Temperance Society; secondly, Iam just going to enter a church, and, thirdly, because—I have just had one."—Bellman, DEGREES Positive—Sylph. Comparative—Mayftower Superlative—My fleet.—Evening Sun HINTS TO TIPSTERS Gano: Whenever one of the big magnates says to buy stocks, Lalways sell. ‘That's the way to fool "em. Capo: Tdon't. When they say to buy, I always buy “But don't you know they never express their private opinions in public? They always say just the opposite of what they think.” “No, you're a back number. They're on to that scheme. When they say to buy, they know you will think they believe itis really time to sell. So now they say just the opposite of what they expect you todo. They say the right thing, because you will think it is the wrong thing. By the way, Gadd, did you ever make anv money in stocks ?”* Neither did 1."—Lippincott’s Building. Chancery Lane, London, E.C.. England, Acents. Brentano's. 37 Ave. de Opera, Paris also at Saarbach’s News Exchanges, 1, New Coventry Street, Leicester Square, W., London; 9, Roe St Georges, Paris: 1, Via Firense, Milan; Mayence, Germany The text ond illustrations in Lure are copyrighted, and are not to be reproduced without special por mission obtained in advance. Prompt notifcation should be sent by subscribers of any change of address. By Srectat Aprotaent HE test of time and use is the truest test of cigarette quality. PHILIP MORRIS ORIGINAL LONDON CIGARETTES for over fifty years have held first place in the esteem of experienced smokers in every city of the civilized world. A Timely Suggestion to Tourists Cruises to NORWAY AND SPITSBERGEN by the superb cruising S. S. KRONPRINZESSIN CECILIE leaving HAMBURG July 18th This magnificent new twin-screw steamship of 9000 tons, 500 feet long, average speed 16 knots, has every modern con- venience and appliance that ingenuity can suggest, tending to the comfort and safety of the passengers. Similar Cruises, including also ICELAND, ORKNEY and FAROE ISLANDS, BALTIC SEA and NORTHERN CAPITALS, by large and commodious S. S. Oceana and Meteor. Duration 14 to 24 days. ‘Cost from $62.50 up. Excellent connections from America by steamens of our transatlantic service HAMBURG-AMERICAN LINE 45 Broadway, New York Boston Philadelphia St. Louis Chicago San Francisco comicbooks.com