Life — May 21, 1908 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SPRING QUESTIONS FOR THE CHILD Q. What is a Constitution? Ans. A Concession to Liberty, enabling her to talk Herself to Death. Q. What is the Essential Difference be- tween one Government and Another? Ans. The Price of Life. Chapter XVIT THE EARTH’S POPULATION The Population S> of the Earth con- sists of 999,000,000 (more or less) Hu- 4 man Beings. 1,000,000 (more 4 or less) Chauf- feurs. Human Beings are grouped ac- cording to their Colors. ‘They may be di- vided into two great Classes: 1, Those tinted by Nature. 2. Those who Tint Themselves. The former come in various shades of Fast Colors (see chapter on Race). The latter are of a changeable Pink, with A PINK LADY FLOODS the exception of Savages, who prefer more elaborate color schemes. Chapter XVIIT THE COUNTRIES OF THE EARTH In describing the various Countries of the Earth, the better to avoid partiality, we shall begin at the top and travel downward in as many directions at once as possible. I The North Pole The North Pole is the Geographical Interrogation Point of the Earth. It is probably the only absolutely Moral Spot in the world. NS A MAGNETIC POLE Some Scientists declare it to be the site of the Garden of Eden, thus giving color 545 to the popular notion that Eden was the original Roof Garden. Whatever use may ultimately be found for the North Pole, up to the present time it has only been used for Advertising Pur- poses. The Frozen Tracts that surround it bear the names of Adventurers, Princes and Editors, and the very topmost Tip, out of compliment to a well-known pianist, has been called the Magnetic Pole. So far as we know, all the advantages of the North Pole are shared by the South Pole, but for some reason the South Pole has never been a success as an advertising medium. Rondeau Redoublé T ALL depends upon the point of view, No two opinions coincide, you know: “A single Hair divides the Fal New York thinks Philadelphia is slow. But people out in Ashtabula, O., Deem that the Quaker City’s quite a few. Now, in a sense, both of these things are so— It all depends upon the point of view. A book, a play, a verse, a jest is new, The critic raps it with his little blow; You know that yellow’s red; he says it’s blue— No two opinions coincide, you know. You think, perhaps, you never get a show, Another thinks you have more than your due. It’s hard to say, as Omar, long ago, “A single Hair divides the False and True.” From what, pray, can a body take his cue? “You're black!” declared the raven to the crow. How many pinching places hath a shoe! New York thinks Philadelphia is slow! A bard believes he is a second Poe An actor thinks he’s Irving number two— * + 8 This difficult, entangled rhyme, although I like it, it may not appeal to you. + Ital depends. Franklin P. Adams. Equipment ASHAWAY : I’m going to a house party. Wonder what I need to take along? Cteverton: About a quart of five dollar gold pieces to tip the servants with, a flannel shirt, dress suit, pajamas, and a half-dozen engagement rings. comicbooks.com