Life — April 23, 1908 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Z wh) TELEGRAPH TO THEODORE Ij the ship of state needs caulking Or the lion’s tail a twist If the Senitors are balking: Ifa silver spoon is missed pligue in Honolut able in the cup- te to Mr. Roosevelt, And he'll fix the m: Hi there's a If there's just v er Up. If there's a Iynching bee in Texas; Hi the green bug’s he wheats If there’s anything to ves us; Ii you're troubled with cold feet If your dinner isnt ready Or you're feeling rather dry, Teddy And you'll get a hot reply Seni a telege If there's too much rain in Kansas Or its dry in Te Ua summer cyclone fans us Or if Bowser has a flea: Hf your sweetheart proves too fi If you want to know the sco If you get a punctured nickel— Drop a line to Theodore. If they need another member Of the Ananias Club If you're sunstruck in December Or you're suffering for grub; igher Or the Beef Trust gets too gay, Ring up Ro And there'll be the deuce to pay. If the railway rates soar evelt on the wire If the stork don't visit Alice: If we lose to the Maroons; If Ben Tillman's full of malice Or Maria full of prunes; If the troops shoot city rent, from this ditty— Or you cannot pay yo Take a kesso Write to Roosevelt, President. Hf there's scandal in Peoria Or the city's fi Or if Storer tells his story Or they're knocking on Bill Taft; Ia panic hits the nation Or they loose the Or if U Let him trust in Theodore —? 4 with graft: ngs of war le Sam needs a vacation delphia Ledger. A Norrneeste fii hi the West Virginian mountains came up with a mountaineer td of pigs. driving the pigs t0?"" asked the rider. a bit.” “Where are yor Dut to pasture “e sa't it pretty slow we tten tem on grass? Up where Tcome from we pea them feed them on corn. It saves a lot of time “Yaas, stpoe $0," dravled the mountaineer. “But, h-—, what's time to a hawg?"—Feerybody's Magazine, Lire is pablished every Thurwtay, simultaneously in the United State ‘Additional postage to foreign countries in the Postal alw at Saarbach's News F rs, after three St. Georges, Paris: 1. Via Firenze British Possessions. $5.00 a vear in advance. Union, $1.04.a year: to Canad months from date of publication, 25 cents. No contribution will be returned unless accompanied by stamped and addressed envelope 52. cents. Single current copies, 10 cents. AUT SCISSORS Aut NULLUS A RELIEF TO BOTH “At last,” b we're alone. I've been hoping for this © sighed, chance." "So have 1,” saidt she, very frankly “Ab! seid, then, that I wanted to tell you that love you. Ves; and T want to say *No’ and get it over with.""—London “TL pos'r understand it,” complained the tramp. “What « “Well, yer sce it's dis way, b asked the philanthropist Ta on't you understand” fer a dime ter disin't I give youse a git a bed, an‘ he says, dime las? night ?*"* “Well “Well, what T want ter know is dis feller has ter sleep more'n oncet in his life» Cleveland Leader LEAP VPage THE PROPER N' ident looked eu! BER Jones, the finished her hree hundred and ‘The summer sexton of he Lanchury meeting house, as survey of the little church. “You say it seat six people,” she sd, raising h ¢ to gaze at him. “What a wus number!” “Tdon’t know why ‘tis," replied Mr. Jones. Resen ion at her calm survey of him d back at her “Strikes me it's a very sensible number. ‘Three hundred in the lexly of the church hoir, one of the organ-t and a campstool for Hollis Prouty, that blows for Miss C mings to pla thaps down your way you'd think he « to stand all the time different in the ¢ ght being only a boy, but folks see things ae Companion To rscare criticism: Do nothing, say nothing, be nothing — Philistine. is that y There's .for which Mr. William James, the psychologis, has duly accounted, and which his tietber, Henry James, the novelist, has duly exemplified. Bat who can tell why it is that the very best st re not only not recallable, hut are actually not in existence at the time \ey ought to be. This one, for instance, skould have Leen told f Bridgeman, of the Peary Arctic Club road near W seeking, when sh a straw fro Tol Washi L A LA MODE Did you ever notice that the only trouble about good st don’t think of them when they're most act, it was only fabricated in 1908, and its author is Herbert L says that in those prehistoric Mr. E en when s wore bloomers and rode “bikes,” one such s ing and decidedly so costumed was scudd m, Masi row up before an a along a country for which town, indeed, she was stonished farmer “My man,” sai is this the way to Wareham ? The farmer looke she, her over very carefully. ‘Then he removed “dunno “iss. But you kin see fer yerself thet's the way J ng Post WORTH A TRIAL Townsend Brad Cyrus the author and clergyman, told ata y. “lay dying. He had lived} inner in Toledo a story a An said Dr. Br life of which, as he now looked back on it, he fel ¢ minister at his bedside he mm 1 we If Tkeave a I my salvation be 2 The minister ans T wouldn't Like to be po BY WAY OF ENCOURAGEMENT “The manager always Keeps back a portion of the willain’s alary."" “Why does he de t—afraid No; but he always acts his part better when he’s mad."—, is Democrat. A KEEN OBSERVER “It's for Mr Richley’s motor car, you know ‘Oh, ee—that bolt will cost you two dollars ai Philadelphia Pres | Who was t Lowed to: Ir's just an ordinary bolt, you se,” said the man, “You uught to be al uplicate it for twenty-five cents of © “Oh, I guess +0," replied the machin’ T that I love you, Clarence." said the young heires, I have to speak to mamma.” You mean I'll have from Europe t Eh?" sai “No, Twill, She'll be we the last three m e nobléman while she was there.” she may have engaged Independent. WATCH THE PROFESSOR Lecture upon the rhinocere nti ly impossible that you can form a eyes fixed on me —The < hidew less you keep ye Thristian Tustructor, “Over. a relative of mine went to this man to get some fia She complained, f} ml that they were celling very high man said. and News Book ; “Jassie.” said the merchant, solemnly, at the eleventh host, “we have forgotten to get a fresh supy i ‘And the office boy, in his excitement, responded with “Good: ff ness, sir, 0 we havel If we aint a couple of Llunder-headed idiots!"—Tit- Bits | Great Britain, Canada and Back m The text and illustrations ix mission obtained in advance Building, Chancery Lane, London, E. C. inges. 1. New Coventry Street, Leicester Square, W., London, 9. Ree Milan: Mavence. Germany . Tr are copyrighted, and are not to be ‘reproduced without speciat fer Brentano's, 37, Ave de "Opera, Paris England, Acr comicbooks.com