Life — April 9, 1908 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“OOR FOOLISH GnTenPoRARics SURE TO BE PROMOTED A grizzled ol Colonel, who is a veteran of the Civil War and w since seen hard active service in several Indian campaigns, the Arctic regions, the Spanish War, and the Philip- pine insurrection, did not view with pleasure the recent pro: motions of younger and almost unknown officers who were jumped over his head. Strolling about his camp in the Philip: pines one day, he came upon one of his officers fondling a he officer, “this is the most remarkable Why, he can take a stick and go through as one of the soldiers.” “Don't tell anybody. Supposing the War Department heard of it?) They'd make him a brigadicr-general!"”—Everybody's Magazine AT THE FREEZING OF THE PIPES Scene: Any Suburban Villa 2 all we want for Brown's job?" You ‘aven't forgotten nothin’? Bless my soul, tow pect to make a plum! —The Bystander A CAUSE FOR THANKS said Mr. Hardeash, seizing the shaking it warmly, “Iam so im: That case the other day, you know— ss, “but did I represent you?"* replied Hardcash; “you represented Tur Sount rox Hosrivatiry: The Manor, Asheville, North is the best inn South, —Booklet, ONE POINT IN HIS FAVOR A witty priest was once visiting a “self-made? millionaire, 1m to see his seldom-used library. millionaire, pointing toa table covered with ed at the Ieaves, "I'm glad I, small voice of youth spoke: "The drive comes 1 putt.” —Sporting Times PERIODICALS A well-known actor says that while his company was touring path not went into one of the "clubs" in a th Carolina town, where the dispensary system is in vogue. What have you in the shape of periodicals?” the player asked of the dusky attendant. Corn liquor, sab," promptly answered the attendant, “beer and wine, but mostly cora liquor, sab."—Harper's Weekly. THE REASON Wioets (fo his neie neighbor's son): Where did you live before you moved here? Jouxwy: Louisville, We moved there from Memphis, and before that we lived in Mobile. “My! Your folks move around some, don't they?” “Yes. We're huntin’ for a place where pa’ll find it easier to work."—Woman's Home Companion ARTFUL SCHEME Mes. Kxtckyx: That little Jones Loy has such beautiful table manners. Mas. Bockre: Yes, his mother always feeds him at home before he is invited out.—Evening Sun. SURE OF HER GROUND Mrsteess: Jane, I saw the milkman kiss you this morning In the future T will take the milk in Jave: ‘Twouldn't be no use, mum. He's promised never to kiss anybody but me.—Illustrated Bits. EAT BEAR SPRING WATER 8 purity has made it famous.” one” you 4° drink, drink Trimgy, Don't let whiskey get the best of you! Say “Trimble” and get the best of whiskey. SOLE PROPRIETORS WHITE, HENTZ & CO. Phila. and Now York Green Label. AT. ALL FIRST-CLASS DEALERS: ESTABLISHED 1793 Club Cocktails A Bottled Delight HERE is always something lack- ing in the flavor of a made-by- guesswork cocktail. CLuB Cock- TAILS are the only perfect cocktails. A mixed-to-measure blend of rare old liquors aged in wood—always uniform in flavor, fragrant, delicious, appetizing, a CLUB COCKTAIL is a vastly better drink than any chance-mixed cocktail possibly could be. T kinds. At all good dealers, Man hattan (whiskey base) and Martini (gin base) are universal favorites. GEHeubleinEBro, HARTFORD NEW YORK LONDON Over 60,000 Sold OF A RE- ELLER” A SATIRICAL BURLESQU’ CENT NOTORIOUS “B! ANOTHER THREE WEEKS NOT by EL-N-R GL-N 25 Cents Paper Covers 68 Pages Of all Booksellers and Newsdealers and mailed carriage free to any address on receipt of price by LIFE PUBLISHING COMPANY 17 West 31st Street, NEW YORK WHISKEY Ty POR HEALTH PGR REPUTATIC HAS NO EQU AL | comicbooks.com