Life — March 12, 1908 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

gp Lig ls Sis lag UT SCISSORS ONCE IN A LIFETIME It was a pitiful mistake, An error sad and grim. I waited for the railway train; ‘The light was low and dim. Tt came at last, and from the car There stepped a dainty dame, And, looking up and down the place, She straight unto me came. “Oh, Jack!" she cried, “oh, dear okd Jack!"* And kissed me as she spake; ‘Then looked again, and frightened, cried, “Ob, what a bad mistak I said, “Forgive me, maiden fair, For Iam not your Jack; And as regards the kiss you gave, T'll straightway give it back.” And since that night I've often stood Upon that platform dim, But only once in man’s whole life Do such things come to him. —The Traveller. Ronext Surrn, brother of Sydney Smith, and an ex-Advocate- General, on one occasion engaged in an argument with a physi :n over the relative merits of their respective professions. “I don't say that all lawyers are crooks,” said the doctor, " you'll have to admit that your profession doesn't make angels of men.” No," retorted Smith, “you doctors certainly have the best of us there."—Rochester Herald. Aut NULLUS QUITE ANOTHER MATTER “And you say this patent meter will actually reduce one's light bills, eh?" queried the prospective customer. , you evidently misunderstood me," answered Mr. Graves, who was trying to follow in the footsteps of the immortal Washington. “I said it would reduce the consumption of light.""—Philippine Gossip. He: Let Me UGHT THE LIGHT. She: Te WEA! THAT WOULD BE HIGHLY BEPROPER. THE REAL NEED “They say that laziness is caused by a germ. What a fine thing it would be if we could find something to kill the thing.” “Ob, no. I know something finer than that. Think how much nicer it would be if we could all find some way to gratify it." —The Hebrew Standard. THE ANTICIPATED INTERRUPTION F. M. Bradley, the noted superintendent of the Sons of Temperance, was talking at a local hotel about temperasce orators. The temperance orator of to-day,” he said, “is always sare of a respectful hearing. In the past it was not so. At the begin ning of the temperance movement drinking men came to out meetings for no other purpose than to interrupt and confuse ‘The orator had to be very careful in his remarks. He had to look out lest he give his bearers an opening for some opportune but ribald interruption.” Mr. Bradley gave a loud laugh. *T remember,” he said, “when they began temperance werk here in Washingtoa. A series of meetings was held in a large hall. ‘The audiences were always numerous, but they inter. rupted horribly. In the end an ex-prizefighter was hired to st every night in the obstreperous gallery and keep order there “Well, one night the orator contrasted the clean contest of home life with the squalor of drunkenness. He spoke beaut. fully and at his climax he cried, in ringing, impassioned toves “*What do we want when we return from our daily toil? What do we desire to ease our burdens, to gladden our bears, to bring smiles to our faces and song to our lips?" “Here the orator paused for effect and the conscientious pri fighter tip-toed hurriedly to the front of the gallery, shook finger at his unruly charges, and said in a threatening st whisper find, the first feller among ye wot says "Beer!" —oot Washington Star. THE MAGNATES IN JAIL. “So you people put a couple of magnates in jail on beary you?’ asks the investigating reformer. replies the native. ‘We fined them the limit; they wouldn't pay and we put them in cells.”” “That's a good example.” “Is it? Within two days they organized the prisoner, guards and jailers into the International Penalty Company, issued five hundred million in bonds, paid the fines of all the prisoners, left us with a mortgage on the jail and the court-boose —and stuck the surplus money in their pockets.”"—Chicage Evening Post. DANIEL UP TO DATE Jimmy, aged five, was told the story of Danie! in the lots’ den, by his grandmother. When she had finished the story, she said, “Now what do you think Daniel did the very ft thing when he found he was saved from the lions?"* “Ob, I guess he telephoned home to his wife to tell ber be was all right," answered Jimmy.—Harper’s Monthly Lire is published every Thursday, simultaneously in the United States, Great Britain, Canada and $5.00 a year in advance. Additional postage to foreign countries in the Postal British Possessions. Building, Chancery Lane, Londoa, E. C. also at Saarbach's News Exchanges, 1, New Coventry Street, Leicester Square, W., ingland, AcENTS. 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