Life — February 27, 1908 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIFE AUT SCISSORS WHY NOT? The verse you write You say is written; All rules despite, But not despitten. ‘The gas you light Is never litten. ‘The things you drank Were doubtless drunk: ‘The boy you spank Is never spunk. A friend you thank But never thunk Suppose you speak, ‘Then you have spoken; But if you sneak ou have not snoken. ‘The shoes that squeak Have never squoken. A dog will bite, Likewise has With all his might, But not his mitten. You fly your kite, But not your kitten. ‘Harper's Monthly. “T pRokE a record to-day, Had the last word with a woman.” “Didn't think it possible. How'd it happen?” “Why, I said toa woman in the car, ‘Madam, have my seat.'” —Philadelphia Ledger | AuT NULLUS THE HIGHER CRITICISM Cemic: Now that your play is to be actually produced, you can surely give me some idea as to the plot and general action Pavweicnt: It’s still too indefinite. You see, the call boy and the man at the stage door haven't told me yet what they want done to it!—Modern S IEALUSTRATED EXERESSION “DOWN IN THE Mot “Have. ye anny ancisthors, Kelly ?”” An’ phwat’s ancisthors?"" “Why, people you shprung from.” “Shprung from, begorra! The Kellys shpring from nobody. ‘They shpring at thim!""—The Outlook. EDDIE FOY'S HAMLET (Hamlet's soliloquy, as Eddie Foy Fitzgerald might gi “To be of not to be? Hully gee! ‘That's the question; Whether ‘tis noble, bo, not to set up a tall scream When you're stung; of put up a scrap against a sea of tr To croak, to pound the feather; or jump in At the sound of the gong and go to it, kiddo, And forget your troubles, see? A guy is sure up against it in this world; And if you jump off the dock, where do you come in? A lot of boobs put up with it because they don't Know where they get off. It's a hard luck story, bo, For most of us; so many things put on the cheese; Our best friends pan us, a skirt will throw us down; Bulls in harness pinch us, what's the use?" —New York Sun. Covoxrt Pumaren, of New York, who hates the sight of aa automobile, bought, the other day, a handsome brown mare to match Barbary Belle. A day or two later he asked his groom what he thought of the new arrival. John replied: certainly a fine lookin’ ‘oss, sit, but I'm afraid ber lemper's a bit too touchy. “What makes you think so?" asked the colonel don't appear to take kindly to nobody, like me to go into the box to feed her.” “Oh, she'll settle down in a day or two. The surroundings ae strange, you know. I do not think there is anything wrong with her temper.” “I didn’t at first, sir,” said John, “but you see she kicked me out o' the box twice, and when you comes to think about it— that’s sort o' convincin’.""—Pittsburg Press. A MIND READER Pat had got hurt—not much more than a scratch, it is true, but his employer had visions of being compelled to keep his for life, and had adopted the wise course of sending him at ovce to the hospital. After the house surgeon had examined bin carefully, he said to the nurse: “As subcutaneous abrasion is not observable, I do not thick there is any reason to apprehend tegumental cicatrization of the wound.” en, turning to the patient, he asked, quizzically: “What do you think, Pat ?"" “Sure, sir,” said Pat, “you're a wonderful thought reader, doctor. You took the very words out of my mouth. That's just what I was going to say!""—Current Literature. she doa’, Ir tHe hospital ship is to be commanded by a doctor. #by should not a coal dealer be appointed for the colliers?—New York American. Building, Chancery Lane, London, E. C., England, Acunts. also at Saarbach's News Exchanges. 1, New Coventry Street, Leicester Square, W., Londor eorges, Paris; 1, Via Firenze, Milan; Mayence, Germany. The text ‘and illustrations in Lire are copyrighted, and are nct to be reproduced without special permission obtained in advance. Prompt notification should be sent by subscribers of any change of address, imultancously in the United States, Great Britain, Canada and vance. Additional postage to foreign countries in the Postal Back numbers, after Lue. is published every Thursday, British Possessions. $5.00 a year in Union, $1.04 a year; to Canada, 52 cents. Single current copies, 10 cents. three months from date of publication, 25 cents. No contribution will be returned unless accom panied by stam ped and addressed envelope. Lire is for sale by all Newsdealers in Great Britain. ‘The International News Company, Breams Brgntano's, 37 Ave. de VOper, Pas; foo; 9 Ree Forty-fourth St. and Madison Ave. 114 West 72d St., N. Y. 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