Life — February 20, 1908 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Alby li RJehg UT SCISSORS TO THE INFLUENZA GERM By the shivering fits which chill us, By the feverish beats which grill us, By the pains acute which fill us, By the aches which maul and mill us, By the quacks who draught and pill us, By the hydropaths who swill us, By the allopaths who bill us, By the nervous fears which kill us, ‘Teil us, tell us, wee Bacillus, What, and why, and whence you are! Say, are you a germ atomic? Have you uses economic? Are you truly miasmatic? Are you solid or lymph: Frankly, is your case zymotic? Are you native or exotic? When your business is transacted Is your stay to be protracted? And do you intend, Bacillus, To return again and kill us? Do make answer, if you please! Tell us briefly, tiny mystery, What's your source and what's your history: Clear the clouds of obfuscation ‘That surround your incubation! Furnish, without more obstruction, Your belated introduction? Let us know your why and wherefore, What it is you're in the air for. And meanwhile, O wee Bacillus, Since with morbid dread you fill us, Prithee, take your leave at once! —London World. A wan who loves his kind forgives his brother's slips. A man who loves his kind doesn’t have occasion to. He puts ashes on his pavement.— Baltimore American. Tue friendly nature of the Pacific cruise is somewhat belied by the fact that there are twenty-six mechanical pianos with the feet—New York Post. UT NULLUS APPRAISING IT john, do you love me?”” How much do you love me?" “Say fifty dollars’ worth, Maria. Money is tight just now.” Courier-Journal. Nor a cent,” replied the rich man, coldly; “money is not food for the poor.” “ Well," responded the applicant, “just pretend that you have a grudge against me."—Philadelphia Ledger. Watt Srarer is a necessity, says one writer. Yes, and necessity, the old proverb tells, knows no law.—Chicago Journal, OUR FOREDEARS Mxs, Dr Fiat: Can you show me anything new in folding beds? Deater: Only this, madam, and it really is quite a success. On arising in the morning you touch a spring and it turns into a washstand and bath tub. After your bath you touch another spring, and it becomes a dressing-case with a French plate mirror. If you breakfast in your room, a slight pressure will transform it into an extension table. After breakfast you press these three buttons at once and you have an upright piano. That's all it will do, except that when you die it can be changed into a rosewood coflin.—The Independent. AFTER THE INITIATION The house is full of medicine And mystery profound; We cannot even run about Or make the slightest sound; They keep the big piano shut, We cannot strike a note; The doctor's been here twenty times Since father rode the goat. He joined the lodge a week ago— Got in at 4 Aas, And siateen members brought him home, ‘Though he says he brought them. His leg was sprained, and one big rip Had rent his Sunday coat— ‘The members had a jolly time When father rode the guat. He's resting on the couch today And practising the signs— The bailing, signal call, and grip ‘And other monkey shines; He utters passwords ‘neath his breath And other things he'll quote— ‘The members had an evening’s work When father rode the goat. He has a brilliant uniform, Alll red and white and blue, A hat with plumes, and scarlet braid, And golden badges. too. But, somehow, when we mention it, His visage waxes grim— We wonder if he rode the goat Or if the goat rode him. — —New York Sun, A rortticat, correspondent of a western Kansas paper was recently asked to report a wedding which was to occur in the town in which he happened to be that night. Here is the report the editor of the paper got: “Amid scenes of splendor ard sounds of swect concord (I suppose that’s the way to start out) Victona, the beautiful daughter of Mr. and Mes. J. C. Merl (may the Lord forgive me). was married to Mr, Edward Pos. Promyaly at 8 o'clock the bride, a vision in white (I'll never doa thing like this again as long as I live). Of course, the bride wert clothes, and there were ruses and music and things to eat; bet I don’t know where to put them in. The bride’s father is 4 prominent ranchman and the bridegroom is a decent yours chap, which I suppose should go in somewhere. Please deo ask me to write up any more weddings." —Kansos City Jourseh Farner," asked Rollo, “what isa financier? “A financier, my son, differs from the ordinary business mas in being able to make the Government sit up and worry «be his affairs do not go right."—IWasp. “Wary is Jones raising a beard? “Oh, I believe his wife made him a present of some ties. Leslie's Weekly. Lire is published every Thursday, simultaneously in the United States, Great Britain, Canada and Building, Chancery Lane, London, E. C., England, Aces. Brentano's, 37 Ave. de !' 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LL Ale advertising advertises Evans’ Ale. As ale drinking grows upon the people Evans’ Ale grows in demand. Simply cause and effect—the best is good enough. Mctets, Restaurants, Cafesand Dealers. comicbooks.com