Life — February 13, 1908 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A FULL MAN My brain is a chaos of junk, My thoughts are in fragments and shreds, I'm lost in a fog of blue funk, My dreams come in tatters and threads, T'm given to visions and frights, My darkness is peopled with spooks, T'm wakeful and nervous 0° nights— I've read all the Season’s new books. J haven't a single sane thought, T'm all in a ferment and fret, You may think I'm mad, but I'm not; Pethaps “twill be soon, but not yet: Tse sobbed with ten sweetbeart’s a da Sought treasures in long-hidden nooks, Looked on many a gory affray I've read all the Season's new books. Tse traveled from circle to pole, I've ridden with ladies and. knights, Te witnessed the wreck of a soul And mixed in uncountable fights; I've struggled with problems so vast T'm dizzy with turns, twists, and crooks, My reason is failing me fast— V’ve read all the Season's new books. My mind is a victim forlorn OF book indigestion acute, With helmeted squires I've sworn And stormed feudal castles to boot, I've run the whole gamut and scale Inchding Odsblood and Gadzooks, My reason’s beginning to fail— I've read all the Seasun’s new books. Blue. yellow, green, purple, and gold, Ve turned back the covers and read, T've felt my heart grow icy cold, And fever grow hot in my head; Oh, grant me asylum, repose, Where are no editions de hixe, My cup of confusion o'ertlows— I’ve read all the Season's new books. —New York Times Att. the friends of Lire will rejoice to see ample evidence of the success of a journal which has done so much to puncture shams and expose hypocrisy, while at the same time adding to the gaiety of its readers by much genuine fun.—San Francisco Chronicle, Editorial Department. COLORED EVIDENCE Exidence that has been tampered with is known as colored evidence, says a writer in the Philadelphia Bulletin, and is like the lady's report of her physician's prescription. After making a careful examination, the physician said “Madam, you are only a litte run down, You need frequent baths and plenty of fresh air, and I advise you to dress in the coolest, most comfortable clothes; nothing stiff or formal.” When she got home her husband asked her what the physician had said. She replied: “He said I must go to the seashore, do plenty of automobiling, 1 get some new summer gowns * ga) bs) |e ae T SCISSORS Aut NULLUs A MARK OF GENIUS At the recent sale of the superb and priceless Stanford White collection, Miss Elsie DeWolfe, the actress, tokl a not inappro- priate architect story. “A gentleman stopped an architect on the street,” she began Good morning, Mr. Blank,’ the architect said. *Are you thinking of building again "No. said the other. *I stopped you to inquire if you could take my son intd your office as an apprentice. With training 1 think he would some day prove a magnificent architect.” “*He has shown some talent, has he?? said the architect, a trifle glumly, for he was disappointed at not getting another contract, “Talent? Genius, sir; positive genius!" "What's he done ?* “He designed a garden for our Christmas tree." “* Well, what is there remarkable about it?’ said the architect, said the other, "he designed that garden for three dollars, and it cost thirty-seven. "—Washington Star. Tur Erie is the latest railroad to devise a pension plan for employees. Pensions for disabled stockholders would meet a long-felt want—New York World. THY, FIRST GLANCE TROM THE AVFINITY WOMAN EDITOR PROPOSES Gets Quick Acceptance to Her Leap Year Card from Man Editor Drs Mores, Iowa, Jan. 26.—Miss Elizabeth Sohm, editor of Storm Lake Vidette, who failed to get a share of the official county printing, this week published a card reading: * A constant fight for what rightfully belongs to her is a wear and tear on the nervous system of any woman, and we have come to the belief that, in order to stay in newspaper work and maintain our health, we will have to marry some good printer who can do the fighting and swearing for us. This is leap year, and this may be considered a proposal by any one who would be qualified to fill the vacancy $0 evident in the Vitete office.” When G. A. Craig, the bachelor editor of the Lytton Star, saw the article, he stopped his press, made over a form, and in a double-leaded card responded as follows: “We believe we are eligible to fill the vacancy which Miss Sohm feels exists in ber print shop. We are a Missouri Demo: crat of forty years’ standing, considered a good printer, and can swear fluently in seven different languages. We agree to accept Miss Sohm's proposal on condition that she will show credentials as to cooking abilities, and express a ingness to darn our socks and mend the gable end of our trousers when needed. As coon as a favorable reply is received we stand ready to close the deal.” Jowa is awaiting the next issue of Miss Sohm’s Vidette to see if she is “game."—New York Times. FATE Said the Vase from Tokio: “I'm so costly, as you know, That I hope to see myself ‘Soon on some collector's shelf, ected and marked with care, *Do not handle. Very rare!"” Said the little Urn from Greece “Tam po museum piece: Yet my figure knocks askew Such a twisted thing as you: Grace and Beauty, line on line, Vave my way to fame divine! Said the Jar from Ispahan Years I buast—a wondrous span; And the Bard hath made of me ‘Songs for all eternity. Cease your chatter, lumps of clay, Only J outlive to-day id the maid, from Dublin hired Faith, this dustin’ makes me tired! Smash—ye haythin out 0° shaye! Smash—ye ugly furrin ape!” In the ash heap, hid from sight, All the vases lay that night —Lippincett's Mogesin BATTLE-FIELD LOGIC Among the men who served with Roosevelt's Rough Rides’ Cuba was a little Dutch Jew, who, according tu the men iss own troop, was “the very incarnation of cool, impudent tesa ina fight.” He was a consistent fatalist One day he observed a comrade dodging a spent ballt ds had whistled uncomfortably close to hit Vat's de use to todge dem pullets*"’ sang out the *Dey'll hit you shust as vell vere you are as vere you aia)!"— Exerybody's Magazine. CHANGED HIS TASTE ‘The Empress Eugénie, whom Napoleon II chose to shes throne, had a ready wit, which, although it never veiled a sxe often confused those on whom it was dirceted. ‘The bie fr ‘T. W. Evans tclis in his reminiscences the story of a dct guished Senator, who, on being asked what he thought d te speech in which Napoleon had declared his marriage to the Deputies, replied : A fine speech—excellent;; but I prefer the sauce to meaning that Napolcon's words were better than bi of a bride. Some weeks later, at a dinner given at the Tuilerics Senator was seated next to the Empress, who, otierving after having been helped to the turbot. he declined the xt said to him, smiling roguishly “Monsieur, I thought it was the sauce you liked, and ext at fish. With rare presence of mind the Senator hesitated moment “A mistake, madame,” he said, “for which Tam pow ust to make amends”"—Youth's Companion. Was there ever a more mordant and sardonic strobe d scription than that O'Connell gave of Peel's bloodinar? “His smile was like the silver plate on a coffin.” Less sa but less witty, also, was his description of a lady of a = repellent temperament: “She had all the characteristic d+ poker, except its occasional warmth." —Argenuit Artie a flattering allusion to Secretary Taft's series a member of the Cabinet, Chairman Charks Sprague ©? introduced that gentleman to the big audience at the Ger Union the other night as, “the Secre is ‘Taft good naturedly set the matter right, amid Laugbter, st that the incident reminded him of a story told him by the Pe dent. Mr. Roosevelt once attended a pu' West, at which the chairman spuke most speaker he presented. This chairman ure in introducing to you a man known {rom Calor? ® Maine, from Canada to Mexico, who has known what #5? ]& on the firing line—who has smelled gunjouder—te BO Mr."—— Here the chairman hesitated, embarrased moment, then turning to the guest of the eveniag, “What is your name, please?” —Bujjalo Commerc Lire is published every Thursday, simultaneously in the United States, Great Britain, Canada and British Possessions. $5.00 a year in advance. Additional postage to foreign countries in the Postal Union, $1.04 a year; to Canada. 52 cents. Single current copies, 10 cents. Back numbers, after three months from date of publication, 25 cents. No contribution will be returned unless accom panied by stamped and addressed envelope. Lire is for sale by all Newsdealers in Great Britain. The International News Company, Breams permission obtained in advance. Building, Chancery Lane, London, E. C.. England, Acents. Brentano's, 37 Ave. de 1Ope also at Saarbach’s News Exchanges, 1, New Coventry Street, Leicester Square, \¥.. Lends St. Georges, Paris; 1, Via Firenze, Milan; Mayence, Germany. The text and iliusirations in List. are copyrighted, and are nol to be reproduced cd ithe 4 Prompt notification should be sent by subscribers o] any change of address. “No” a Marquis of HE: Wh ahat— Hee He Rwasaha UBBY mothe Weekly, comicbooks.com