Life — February 6, 1908 — page 32: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

COPTICAL CONFUSION Once a Coptic Filled his optic With a wind-blown bunch of ‘Then the Coptic Rubbed his optic And incontinently cust. dust. An optician ‘This Coptician Sought as quickly as he could. ‘Soon this Coptic (With his optic Free of dust) was feeling good. But the optic OF the Coptic Was a freaky thing {rom then, And the Coptic °S lite optic Never saw the same again. For the optic Of that Coptic Has seen double ever since, So that Coptic With that optic Js a hard one to convince. ‘Thus an optical illusion Led to Coptical confusion. a) Lg Le ae UT SCISSORS Aut NULLUS AN ILLOGICAL PHILOSOPHER “The Chinese pay all their debts on the first day of each year,” remarked the man who thinks it his duty to scatter wisdom. “1 have heard so, “But Td rather be in debt all my life than be a Chinaman “—Washington Star. replied the careless person. “How do you suppose that vulgar millionaire’s wife ever od to get in the society uf such exclusive women?” — Baltimore American. mana, "1 believe she always loses at brid VLL GIVE YOU A WORM IF YOU'LL GATHER SOME TWics FOR T - “yes, MY MAN, —Chicago News. AN Asrentcan speeding over the continent of Europe automobile asked of his chauffeur: “Where are we Paris," shouted the man at the wheel, and the dust flew pever mind the details, lionaire; “I mean what continent? "Argonaut. Lrrtur Tommy Whacken was taken by his mother to choose to which These can't be beaten." —Current a pair of knickerbockers, and his choice fell on a. pu acard was attached, stating. Literature “On, irritably screamed the American mil- MODERN ACTIVITIES Positive, dodging strect-cars; comparative, dodging automo- biles; superlative, dodging the water-wagon.—St. Louis Globe- Democrat. ‘Tur Assyrian was scratching some hieroglyphics on a brick. “What you writing?" asked his chum. “Hanged if 1 know,” responded the engraver, “but I guess some of those Assyriolo- gists of the twentieth century can translate it all right." Phila: ddphia Public Ledger. IN SOLITARY GRANDEUR His hat is high, his face is smooth like Webster's aps! ke Cl In all his little traits he shows a statesman’s wonted ways, He wears a long tailed coat that fits him snugly in th And when he stops and stands he thrusts one hat is breast; He hums and haws with his replics a Congress A duplicate of all the rest in Washington, D. € And yet apart from all the crowd he stands, distinct, alot, Although he ki His fellow statesmen in frock coats breathe helpful sentimenss ‘That they have hopes will drift back to their proud constitu But he walks gloomily about, the fingers point at hin ‘To indicate just who he is, this statesman glum and grim. snows he’s not the only shingle on the roof What has he done? Is he for some disturbance ostracised? Nay, nay, my child, the man we mention is not onc despised, He simply stands out fom the rest, distinct, apart, aloof, Although we know h A wondrous man, unheard of in the halls of state is he; He hasn't any bill that will reform our currency! not the only shingle on the n ogo Ped. HAD LOTS OF BUSINESS S. T. Jocelyn, of Wichita, was court stenographer for Jae Pancoast, of Oklahoma, for sever: being tried before Judge Pancoast and they were endeavoring » find out through a witness whether there had been any liquor ail What is your business?" asked the lawyer. repeated the witness, laconically. “Oh, I have lots of busines “ Answer the question,” said the lawyer. “What is your bes ness??? “ Must I tell all my business?” insisted the witness “Answer the question,” interposed the Judge, severely. “Well,” responded he, cheerfully, city marshal for Guiner, janitor of the Methodist church as bartender of the El Paso salooa Kansas City Times. years. One time a case wa, My busines? tm deputy she A REINVESTMENT A. Missouri man tells of an Irishman named Coughlia. ¥ lived in a shanty standing in a field near the main highway fv Kansas City. ‘The found, were lowe d the road, through which ran a big water-main. As the hhiag floor of the place was raised on posts to make it level with se highway, it left a large cellar underneath, wh a dozen hens. One day the water-main burst, flooding the cellar and dior ing the hens. Whereupon Coughlin took steps to enter a cia for damages against the city. After much delay intluestial succeeded in securing the sum of $25 in settlement of Cox claim. “I've got me money!" shouted the Irishman to a negli sitting on the steps of the next shanty. t's glad Tam to hear thot," was the reply’ was it, Coughlin?” Twinty-foive dollars.” “And phwat are ye lin?” “I'm going to buy twinty-foive dollars’ worth 0° ducks,” so Coughlin.—Harper’s Weekly. © Coughlia beg nd how re to do with the twinty-foive, Coup Lire is published every Thursday, simultaneously in the United States, Great Britain, Canada and. Additional postage t Single current copies, British Vowessions. $5.00 a year in advance. Union, $1.04 a year; to Canada, 52 cents, three months from date of publication, 25 cents. No contribution will Le returned unless accompanied by stamped and addressed envelope. ‘The International News Company, Breams Lure is for sale by asl Newsdealers in Great Britain. Building, Chancery foreign countries in the Postal also at Saarbach's 10 cents. Back numbers, after Permission obtained in advance. The best pick-me-up for the man physically run down is— humorous book, sent for 10c. Lane, London, E. C. ‘ews’ Exchanges. 1. New St. Georges, Paris: 1, Via Firenze, The text and iliusirations in Lire. are copyrighted, and are net to be reproduccd without sp England, Acrars. Brentano's, 37 Ave de Opens Pat wentry Street. Leicester Square, W., Lond Milin; Mayence, Germany. Prompt notification should be sent by subscribers of any change of address. White Rock. “The World’s Best Table Water” Hi: of the Hour, “Richard's Poor Almanack,” beautifully bound, illustrated Address White Rock, Flatiron Bldg., N. Y. comicbooks.com