Life — January 16, 1908 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ahb4 INCREASE OUR PAY Help us with Congress, Lord; By might of pen and sword Pity the nation’s ward, La Grande Armée Yes, we are poor indeed, And stand in greatest need — must concede; We don’t expect to be Li in luxury; Keep us from penury During our day. Grant us thrice ten per cent, Asa just increment e's accident; our pay Make them to see the right, That we must live, to fight — Bearing our burdens light, Paying our way We ask no wages, than ‘Those of the workingman. See” the Department plan: Increase our pay. Army and Navy Journal. JUST OUTSIDE ‘Two women chanced to meet on a streetcar in Chicago. “Why, how do you do, Mrs. Thompson!” exclaimed one of “T called at your house one day last week, and there was nobody at home.”” “We've moved, Mrs. Giles, Know that?” “No. When did you move?” “About two weeks ago. We got tired of living in all the noise and bustle, and we went away out in the suburbs.” “What direction?" * Northwest.” “And where are you located now ?”” “It's.a new neighborhood, Mrs. Giles, and T can't describe it exactly, bat if I had a map of the city here I coukl show you. We live just about half an inch outside of the city limits. Youth's Companion. HATED GAMBLING—SOMETIMES “Here, my dear,” said the hushand, producing his purse, “here is fifty dollars 1 won playing cards over at Brown's last night. You may have it to buy that dress you wanted.” Reluctantly the conscientious wife took the money; then said, with an expression of rigid rectitude: “I simply shudder at the thought of using money gained in such a way. Henry, promise me that after you have won enough for me to buy the hat to go with the dress you will never again touch those awful cards. I don't want my husband to become a gambler."—St. Louis Globe-Demperst. NEW ANSWERS TO OLD QUESTIONS “Is this a good ten-cent cigar?” “No, sir. ‘That cigar is Connecticut filled and Wisconsin wrapped. It's worse than a second. We don't sell a decent cigar for ten cents, because our trade is mostly transient and isa’t worth holding. We have a fair ten cent cigar at thirty-five cents or three for a dollar." —Exckaxge. them. said the other. “Dida't you A ba el ala =AUT SCISSORS Aut NULLUS AN ANECDOTE OF KiNG OSCAR Once the King was inspecting a class of young girls, who were naturally overcome by a visit from their sovereign. "an you tell me,” asked King Oscar, “the names of the great kings of Sweden?” “Gustavus Adolphus,” answered one girl. arles XII," responded another. Oscar I1.,” stammered the smallest, who was something of a courtier in her way. The King, much amused, went up to her and asked her to tell him of the great events of his reign. The child blushed, hesitated, and finally, in tears, murmured “I don't know any.” ‘The King, smiling, stroked the child’s hair and said: “Don't cry, dear! I doa’t know any myself."—IWashington Star. Prayweicnt: Is her acting natural? Maxacer (enthusiastically): Natural? Why, when she ap- peared as the dying mother last night an insurance agent who has her life insured for five thousand pounds, and who was in the audience, actually fainted. —Tit-Bits. wean “WITH ONE EXCEPTION, EVERYTHING I'VE PUT MONTY INTO HAS CONE. UP IN THE AIR.” WHAT WAS THE EXCEPTION?” AN AIRS Scene: The links of a certain well-known golf club not a hundred miles from Watford. A mixed foursome, all bridge players, was going round. One of the couples consisted of a somewhat irritable doctor and a very indifferent lady player. ‘The doctor's partner had done everything wrong possible. ‘The culminating point was reached when driving from eighth tee the fair damsel pulled her drive in the most approved “Hirst” fashion. ‘The ball lay about two feet off a very high bunker, The lidy, however, without a moment’s hesitation, took her brassie and, for once getting a really good hit, sent the ball about six feet into the bunker. Her partner, with a sweet smile, turned and said: no spade, partner?"—Sporting Times, QUITE CREDIBLE Seven-year-old Frank had just returned from a rehearsal of Christmas music to be rendered at the Sunday-school. “Mamma,” he cried, “we learned such a beautiful carol to- day. It began, ‘Shout the ghd tidings, exhausted we sing!" And his tired mamma, who had just finished a round of Christmas shopping, failed to sce anything incorrect in her son's statement.—Lip pincott's, Having Ornicers of the suspended New York banks are now pretty safe from arrest. Jerome has announced that he will investigate. —Philadel phia North American, THE PRESENTS OF YESTERYEAR Again we try, as we tried before, To give each person a thing to prize; Again we plan, as we planned of yore, For sweet remembrance of friendship's tes, Our purses then were of goodly size. We gave and took with a heart of cheers But times have altered. Who may surmis Where are the presents of yesteryear? That thingumbob that we never wore— Safe wrapped in the bureau drawer it lies. Uf passed to Kate it will fix her score, And Mabel’s gift to Eliza fies; Its use would certainly stump the wise, But on it goes with never a fear. The list grows shorter. Who may surmise Where are the peesents of yesteryear? Fresh as the day that it left the store The Jones's gift to the Browns applies; We send the stuff from the folks next door To gladden our aunt's far distant eyes. The need of grace to the heavens cries, Jess fills the gap and our list is clear. May never they meet beneath the skies! Where are the presents of yesteryear? Kris Kringle, ride in your merry guise ‘To scatter our tokens far and near, And do not blab should the question rise, Where are the presents of yesteryear. —New Vork Su OUTSPOKEN A French marquise whose country house is crowded guests during the hunting scason hit upon the original ied placing a register at the disposal of her visitors, record their desires and criticisms, ‘The pages of the nd bound book soon bexan to be covered with notes such as “Count de R—— still owes twenty-five louis; he know whom.” “The green peas yesterday were burned.” “Baroness M— flirts; unfortunately, not with me The marquise has withdrawn the register. —Cri de Paris A REAL ESTATE firm had lots for sale in a new sub addition. The young, enthusiastic member was writeg advertisement, eloquence flowing from his pen. He ey intending purchasers to seize the passing moment. “Napoleon not only met the opportunity, he created it ‘The senior partner read this line in the advertisement sh and carefully. “This fellow Napoleon," he observed, quizzically; “sts the use of advertising him with our money?!"—Philed Public Ledger. KIPLING AND “MOTHER COOSE™ According to Percy French, a London entertainer “wba is humorous and whose humor is artistic,” this is the way 3 yard Kipling would have written “Baa, Baa, Black Shecy THE SONG OF THE DLACK sHEEP And this is the song of the black sheep, And the song of the white sheep, too; And the auk, and the armadillo, ‘And the crocodile knows it's true: “Have I wool?” said the baa, baa, black sheep, “You ask me have I wool! When I yield each year to the shepherd's shear As much as three bags full! Have I wool?” said the baa, baa, black sheep; “It is found in the sailor's socks, Retaining their heat through the driving sleet And the gale of the equinox!” ‘Tnose who have regretted the disappearance of the mari form of entertainment will be interested in its reappears Russia, where, however, it is called the Duma.— Bled White. AT THE GAME He: (pointing on feld): That's Green over there. Io# weeks he will be our best man. Sue: Oh, Charlie, this is so sudden!—Princeton Tigo: Lire is published every Thursday, simultaneously in the United States, Great Britain, Canada and $5.00 a year in advance. Additional postage to foreign countries in the Postal Single current ‘copses, 10 cents British Possessions. Union, $1.04 a year; to Canada, 52 cents three months from date of publication, 25 cents. No contribution will be returned unless accompanied by stamped and addressed envelope. ‘The International News Company, Breams Lure is for sale by all Newsdealers in Great Britain. 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