Life — January 9, 1908 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

An Inspiration to Soctability Sy ‘ A SPELLING REFORM One of the witnesses in a lawsuit, who had just been sworn, was asked to give his name. He replied that it was Hinckley. Then the attorney for the prosecution requested him to give his name in full "Jeffrey Alias Hinckley.” Tam not asking you for your alias," said the Lawyer, im tly. “What is your real name jeflrey Alias Hinckley.” “No trifling in this court, sir!” sternly spoke the judge e “Which is your right name—Jeffrey or Hinckley?" “Both of ‘em, your honor."” “Both of them? Which is your surname?” “Hinckley.” “And Jeffrey is your given name?” Yes, your honor." : Then what business have you with an ali “I wish 1 knew, your honor," said the witness, ruefully. “It every he eh ti crigll . “THE BEST IN THE HOUSE” hom bh What do you mean, sir?” demanded the judge, who was fast losing his tempe left flow “T mean, your honor, that Alias is my middle name, for some . ; ‘ * “Gers reason which my parents never explained to me. I suppose Alfred E, Norris & Co., Proprietors, Philadelphia they saw it in pint somewhere, and rather liked the looks of it. I'd get rid of it if T could do so without the newspapers find- Geral ing it out and joshing me about it.” I ca “The Court suggests that hereafter the witness begin his marry m from the middle name with an E instead of an A. Counsel will proce a plat with the examination,” said the judge, coughing behind his had p 3 handkerchief.— Youth's Companion. P Isit “Dot ‘Tue Soutn ror Hosrrratity: The Manor, Asheville, North 4 7 Not f Carolina, is the best inn South —Booklat Loverly LEAVES FROM A BROKER'S DIARY Nov. ist. Looked up bank account to-day. Find I'm eight 3 R o ¥ ment? hundred dollars overdrawn. Bank reported ina bad way. Sorry. | \ Nov. 2d. Man called at office with bill. Asked for payment ° q “ Had him arrested for dangerous lunatic i . < Hos Nov. 3d. Customer came in to buy some stock; office force | P 5 5 never cx fainted. ? BP OF s . the dese Nov. 4th. Funny man propounded query: “Would you f i (fe RE ‘oy ,, ) “The ‘old piece without a motto, of a motto without a /; wee ’ " Kicked him for luck. 5 pnoneso Borrowed two dollars. Credit still goot) HORS : 2 Geral Borrowed fifty cents. Gloomy days. Borrowed a dime. ‘T’bell with it Oe hanes y headqui: Stopped cating. Tees x a oth. To the Salvation Army. Hallelujah. —Gotdjietd ‘ Geral his ches ‘As to Round the World travel— An exclusive atmosphere is assured guests of THE COLLYER TOURS COMPANY, MERKELEY MUILDISG, ROSTUX NO ANIMOSITY “She must hate her husband to apply for a divorce,” said the Chicago woman. all,” answered the New York woman. "She does not allow sentiment to interfere with business. She has studied the matter carefully, and is convinced that the alimony would amount to more than the allowance he gives her." —IWashington Star In a pinch, use Allen's Foot-Ease, OXFORD TESTS 3 ‘One might say that the first test at Oxford is athletic ability, the next, suciability, and the final, scholastic ability. When you have passed the first two you are the admiration of your friends; when you have shown yourself a scholar besides, you ens cher tae ance aes ee CALIFORNIA—FOUR Days FROM NEW Y ORK | TOO STRONG TO WORK: TOO PROUD TO BEG; TOO HONEST TO STRAT. Sunset Magazine WISHED TO BE TRUTHFUL | By NEW YORK CENTRAL LINES} “There are several seats up forward in the car, sir.” said the conductor te the man who was hanging to a strap. | successive days hanging onto a strap!"—Yenkers Statesman west. For Winter Resort Booklets and information, address, W. E. CONKLYN, G.E. P. A., SPRING WATER 1183 Broadway, New York. SEABOARD AIR LINE RAILWAY made {t famous.” comicbooks.com