Life — January 9, 1908 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

organ, J. P, An art gallery scav- enger and general collector of bric- a-brac, railroads and ruins. Also origi- nator of Morgan’s famous panic cure. Panics cured while the country waits. He began life in Connecticut and, having roamed over Europe with a potiook and acheck book, and bought upall thealleged masterpieces, he became a patron saint of the custom house, and in the course of time will have a stained glass window erected to his memory in the New York Stock Exchange. Authorof ‘‘The Golden Hunters,” “Treasure Trove,” etc. Motto: “T’'ll Double It.” Address, care the Epis- copal Church. LOVE WILL FIND THE way.” -LIFE- Who’s What In and Out of America VAN @ ITS ALWAYS TOO LATE TO MEND, } Vreeland, H. H. Secretary of Unrest and Discomfort for the City of New York, and incidentally president and stockholder of the Metropolitan Street Railroad. This gentleman was born in an open car in the middle of win- ter, and being carried beyond his desti- nation, liked the idea so well that he has since incorporated it into a system. He spends his time in circumventing the legislature, reducing the cars to a mini- mum, instructing conductors in brutality, and laughing in his sleeve over the daily dividends. It is estimated that in the course of time he will be able gradually to take off all cars, thereby reducing the expense of operating to nothing, and will compel all citizens to walk at the rate of five cents a mile. Principal pastime, avoiding his own vehicles and riding in autos. Principal works: “Treasure Island,” “It’s Always Too Late to Mend.” Favorite flower, goldenrod. Motto: “You can fool all the people all the time—if you start right.” “DUT the Jews don't produce any- thing.” “Nonsense. If that was so there would be no lasting trouble about them.” “Well, what do they produce?” “Jews.” Political Proverb PEAKING OF TAFT: “Where there’s a Bit there’s a WEIGH.” OOK AGENT: Good morning! Are you the lady of the house? Briwcet: I’m wan o’ thim. Heshes, Charles Evans. A hirsute graft chaser, the only one of his kind, now on exhibition at Albany, and advance agent for the boom in jails. This gentleman for years occupied an obscure position in New York, not hav- ing stolen anything or bribed any one, and would doubtless have remained un- noticed had not his curiosity gotten the better of him. Since then has had more deaf ears tured to him than any man in the State. Although he has been in close contact with the Albany legislature for months, it is said of him that he is still honest, the most remarkable instance of its kind in history. His favorite occupa tion is asking leading questions and using a probe, His address is uncertain, but any insuranc: company will tell where he is located. In 1950 IRST MAN: And what did you do on Roosevelt’s birthday? Seconp Man: [had a wonderful trip —shot a prong-horned millionaite. “Really? I didn« know that there were any extant.” “T fancy this was the last of his kind. I killed him in the ruins on Manhattan Island.” “Never heard of the place.” EVOLUTION OF THE SPEED MANIAC comicbooks.com