Life — December 19, 1907 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SERRE SE UT SCISSORS THE DAY OF THE LITTLE FELLOW Nefore the panic struck us, When all were coining gold, They said he was a piker And gave him welcome cold . But at this troublous season When he gocs on the Street 4 different reception He probably will meet It's "Howdy, Mr. Oddlot, Just kindly step this way, And would you like to purchase ‘Two shares of stock to-day?” Then Uncle Sam was also Inctined to hold afar And bargain with the bankers For prices over par. He did not take the trouble To have his bonds arranged To suit the modest buyer, But now all that is changed. W's “Howdy, Mr. Smallfry, You look quite well, I sec, And have you fifty dollars You care to lend to me?” —MeLandburgh Wilson in the New York Sun, Burctar (rousing the sleeping head of the family): Don't move or I'll soot! Whar’s your money hid ? Hyap ov tae Pasiuy (struck by a bright thought): It’s in th pocket of my wife's dress “That's all right. I'll just take the dress. Thanks." Chicago Tribune. CONSOLATION “Steward, how long will it be before ‘bout an hour and a half, ma'am “Ob, dear, I shall die before then.” “Very likely, ma‘am. But you'll be all right again when you've been on shore ten minutes.” —Marine Journal. into the harbor?" Wares the first fire company, in response to an alarm, reached the long row of tenements, the fire captain at once jumped from his engine and endeavored to locate the fire. When he had in effectually hunted through three of four structures for it, he descried an old woman sticking her head out of a window of the topmost floor of an cight-story tenement, a little farther up the street. “Any fire up there?” he yelled, when he had reached the pavement beneath this building. In answer the old woman motioned for him to come up. Accordingly, the captain, with his men higging their heavy hose behind them, laboriously ascended the eight flights and burst into the room where the old woman was “Where's the fire?" demanded the captain, when no fire nor smoke became visible. “Oh, there ain't none here,” replied the old woman, flashing an car-trumpet. “I asked y" up ‘cause I couldn't hear a word you said "way down there.""—Bohemian. Dip you ever notice how a piper prances up and down as he pipes? He never sits, he never stands still, but up and down, round and round, to and fro, he struts continually. A little boy, listening to the weird skirl of the bagpipes of a street performer, once said to his father: “Father, why docs the piper keep on the moveall the time he plays?” “I can't say, my boy,” the father answered.” uoless it is to prevent any one getting the range with a cobblestone."—Washington Herald. Aut NULLUS AMERICAN WEATHER ‘An American and a Scotsman were discussing the cold ex- perienced in winter in the north of Scotland, says a Glasgow paper. 7‘ “Why, it’s nothing at all compared to the cold we have in "said the American. “I can recollect one winter when a sheep, jumping from a hillock into a field, became sud- denly frozen on the way, and stuck in the air like a mass of ice.” “But, man," exclaimed the Scotsman, “the law of gravity wouldn't allow that.” “We don't do things by halves at bome,’ pitcher. “The law of gravity was frozen, tox Telegram. replied the tale- — Democratic EG LT Kind Old Gentleman: 1 REGULARLY, LITTLE BOY. Any Kind of a Boy: ou, VES, SiR; REGULARLY EVERY YEAR, THE TWO SUNDAYS MEFORE CHiaisTatas, OPE YOU GO TO SUNDAY-SCHOOL ANOTHER HERO “Were you frightened during the battle, Pat?” “Not a bit, sor. Oi kin face most anything whin Oi have me back to it."—Circle. “Wn WAVE received the following spicy analysis of British wilizing procedures in Africa, from a young Egyptian from Tanta, who shows dramatic aptitudes. The title of his commu- nication is A TRAGEDY IN SIX ACTS. Act 1—The Missionary. Act 2—Whisky and Pale Ale. Act 3—The Maxim Gun. Act 4A Newspaper. Act $—Cricket and Football. Act 6—Death of the Last Aborigine. Finis—Band plays “Rule Britannia.’ ‘Standard. Egyptian PROVED (A distinguished French physician has announced, as there of his observation of our national characteristics, that are coming to look alike.—Daily Newspaper.) Americas You don’t believe it? Well, it's true, As I will shortly prove to you, By taking you about the place And showing you face after face. Come on, and I will show you first Charles Evans Hughes and Willie Hearst; As like are they as twin-born peas, As any blind man plainly sees. Next look at Chauncey M. Depew, And tell me, is he Kyrle Bellew Or Mr, Fairbanks? On my heart, I cannot tell the three apart! ‘Then there is alo Mr. Taft— Just look him over, fore and aft, And tell me if ‘tis really he Or Colone! William Jennings B.? Amongst the ladies. look around : What marked resemblances are found ‘Twixt Carrie Nation, fond and fair, And Nazimova debonair. And when Maude Adams comes along With Nordica, the Queen of Song, Pray tell me quickly, if you can, Which one of them is Peter Pan? And so it goes right down the line. ‘There’s Anna Held and Hammerstein; And Reverend Charles T. Parkhurst, too, The replica of Johnay Drew. And dear old Andy Carnegic, Who looks so very much like me, That beggars stop me by the score To ask me for a Dinosaur. —Herper's Weetiy AN UNCERTAIN JOB Michael Callahan, a section boss for the Southern Ruilrosd in the little town of Ludlow, Kentucky, has a keen Gace #2 One warm afternoon, while walking along the railroad tt: he found a section hand placidly sleeping beside the rails. Cals han looked disgustedly at the delinquent for a full minute sx! then remarked “Slape on, ye lazy spalpeen, slape on, fur as long as you shye you've got a job, but when you wake up you ain't got no. Lippincett's FOREWARNING “Jobn, do you love me?” es, Do you adore me?" 1 s'pose.” Will you always love me?” “Ye—look here, woman, what have you been and gone 204 ordered sent home now?"—Louisville Courier Journel Iv REPLY to a correspondent, the Boston Pilot explaias be old English toast, “Here's to the three B’s and the H." Ts three B's are bread, beer and bed; the H. stands for Heave= Here's to the three B's and the H Bread when we're hungry, Beer when we're dry, Bed when we're weary, And Heaven when we die.” They are said to be used chiefly in Sussex cial, THE POINT OF VIEW ‘The countess has gone on her first shooting-t the gamekeepers’ house for the night. “have never heard the nighingales sing so loud,” ster marked. “You can easily quiet them, my lady; I have put a bootjac oF two by your ladyship’s bedside.” —Jugend (Munich) Lire is published every Thursday, simultaneously in the United States, Great Britain, Canada and Additional postage to foreign countries in the Postal Single current copies, 10 cents. 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