Life — December 12, 1907 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AN INCOHERENCY an screamed: “They were here last night!" And every one looked at me. But Sophy smiled: “This goes to the right: We use no cream in our tea."” The fleet sailed off with the news next morn, On a course $.E. for Duluth; But ma, as she stood and stewed the cor, Hroke down and sobbed the truth. Well, there was a great to-do at that, And some were rite with their hints; But Tom cried: “I'm for Rome—that's fla To laugh this of with the prince. Next day we went to the morgue for hats And hung them out on the beach: So Cleveland went to the Democrats, And, of course, T. R. made a speech Well, Lord knows how we hushed the thing up But it all came out in the wash, And after some weeks without meat nor sup, We had the banns read in Oshkosh. So there is the tale of those Jong sad years— Who cares if the King met his fate? Your grandfather'd kill him again, my dears, For that kiss that he stole off Kate. Richmond Times-Dispatch. HIS NATURAL PACE Hountsell, a Confederate soldier, was deemed by his com: Jes, says Mr. Edward A. Moore, in "The Story of a Cannoncer jcr Stonewall Jackson," as great an enigma as Jackson hin- self In some of the various evolutions of the drill it was necessary for the cadets to trot. This gait Hountsell failed to adopt, and ‘was reported to the superintendent, with the specification. “for failing totrot.” Hountsell handed in his written excuse as follows: “Tam reported by Major Jackson for failing, at artillery drill, to trot. My excuse is, Lam a natural pacer.” -LIFE: SCISSORS Aut NULLUS RAPID. Kyickre: Has Jones got quick assets? Bocker: Very; they are so quick they always fall before he can sell them.—New York Sun. JEALOUSY DID IT “How did an American come to be nominated in this ward?” “It was a compromise. The Czechs, Copts, Kurds, Croatians and Bhonglish couldn't agree upon a candidate among them: selves."— Pittsburg Post TREES “Woodman, spare that tree!" We sang it long ago: But just the same the woodman came And laid the giants low. We turned them into tables, We chopped them into pegs, And things unique in styles antique, With queer, unsteady leys. We swept them from the hillside And from the mountain stream, And lest the ax our arms might tax We sawed them up by steam; And even art got busy With geometric marks; ‘To case the nerves that shrank from cu They cleared them from the parks. Across a stetile plaza ‘The winter wind blows free; On summer days the sun's bot rays Beat fierce as fierce can be; Ah, “Spare that tree"—the echo Falls on the desert air But such is fate. "Tis all too late, There are no trees to spare Wa: Ur 1s Boston the other day a young Lawyer. who spends mot of his time trying to seem busy and prosperous. went out fora while, leaving on his door a card neatly marked “Will be back in an hour.” On his return he found that some envious rival had inser underneath, “What for?" —Ladies’ Home Journst Burresix: Why have you been studying thove n for the last three days? Fussex: Don't bother me. 17d Lam poon. I'm taking a Epwix Markwast, at a dinner, said of mixed me “When I was teaching in Los Angeles I used to read every werk a little country paper whose editor's me joy to phors were an u Once, 1 remember, this editor wrote “Thus, the black lie issuing from his base throat, a boomerang in his hand, and, hoisting him by bi keaves him a marked man for life.’ He said in an article co bawe life: ‘The faithful watchdog of his good wife he door, welcomes the master home with an honest bark Is obituary of a farmer he wrote: ‘The race was rua at last. Lies tired steed, he crossed the harbor bar, ans and spur, lay down upon that bourne from which no tavekt returns.'"—Rochester Herald. Tet yer, I did.” “Will yer swear?” “Bible oath?” Yus!”" Bet a penny?" . © Narl"—Independent Hicks: Say! Do you see that? That man is let redd the morning paper before he does. Wicks: Oh, well, the home team isn’t winning now.—Semr ville J “We must walk in the light," says Brother Rockefeller. All right; but don't raise the price of it!—Adlanta Constitution. Lire is published every Thursday, simultaneously in the United States. Great Britai age to foreign countri Possessions. $5.00 a year in advance. $1.04 a year; to Canada, 52 cents. date of publication, 25 cents. No contribution weill be returned wnle Lire is for sale by all Newsdealers in Additional po Great Britain. Single current copies, 10 cents. ccom panied by stamped and addressed envelope. ‘The International News Company, Breams . Canada and in the Postal numbers, after Building, Chancery Lane, London, also at Saarbach's News St. Georges, Paris: 1, V The text and illustrations in Li permission obtained in advance. ‘ Prompt notification should be sent by subscribers of dny change of address. C.. England, Acrxts. Brentano's, 37 Ave. de 'Opers, Pes 1 treet, Leicester Square, W., London, 98: + Mayence, Germany. 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