Life — November 21, 1907 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ree = AUT SCISSORS HIS HUMBLE USES She was versed in Greek and Latin, e was versed in German, too; She was versed in all the classics, And the poets old and new. She had studied art and music, And in culture she was graced; But I note her weary husband Had to button up her waist. She could talk of bygone heroes, She could tell offhand their names; She could tell when Rome was founded, And the date it fell in flames. She could tell of styles and fashions Ata mile-a-minute rate; But she had to ask her husband If her hat was pinned on straight, —Datroit Free Press. Miss Darsswett had just returned after spending a week with a country friend. Imagine her consternation when she dis: covered her previously well-stocked wardrobe empty. "Gracious, George!” she said to her brother. “Where are all my clothes? And what in the world is that great black patch on the lawn?” ‘The face of George exhibited all the well-known signs of con: scious righteousness, and he met her gaze unflinchingly. “* Ma tia,” he replied, consotin, “you wrote to me that if I wanted the key of the billiard-room I should find it in the pocket of your bolero.” "Ves, yes!" "Well, I don’t know a bolero from a fichut or a box pleat, so I took all the things to the lawn and burned them. ‘Then I recovereil the key from the ashes.” She froze him with a stare, and he is now thawing slowly on the kitchen stove. —Argonast, Henry White, our Secretary of Embassy at Paris, tells of a brilliant reporter on a Freach journal who holds a strong objection to the note-book, dear to mast of his associates. ‘The Parisian newspaper man wears large white cuffs, and on these he is said to jot down such events as appeal to him, with suggestions for his subsequent articles. At first, the story runs, his laundress was much puzzled by these hicroglyphics, but as time went on she became able to read them, and apparently derived much benefit and pleasure therefrom. One day the journalist received with his laundered garments a slip of paper on which was written “Your last washing was very inte glad to have you give us more political news.” Weekly. ng, but we should be Harper's A HARD ORDER Mike had only recently been made foreman of the section: gang, but he knew the respect due his rank. innegan,” he said to an argumentative assistant, “I'll have nawthing out of you but silence—and mighty little of that Youth's Companion. “T've just heard of a great investment. a barrel of money? ire! What is it?” You see it's a certainty—no chance of its going wrong.” 1's certainly all right. I'll goin for a few thousands." ume of the biggest New York financiers are in the deal.” WHAT! Why didn't you say so before? Excuse me, if they're in, you can count me out of the deal."—IWith McCutcheon Car- toon in Chicago Tribune. Do you want to make | AuT NULLUS HE WON OUT A curious person of a certain town, who loved to find out everything about the new residents, espied the son of a new neighbor, one morning, in a doctor's office Sood-morning,” he said. "Little boy, what is your name?"* me as dad's,” was the quick reply. M course, I know, little boy, but what is your dad's name, >» ill he persisted : “I mean what do they say when they call you to breakfast?” They don’t never call me; I all Ladies' Home Journel. s gets there first. See?" — on! ovcul Now 1 KNOW WHERE THAT CoNTOUNDED COLLAR-BUTTON WENT.” “out Basror Wrtitaus, of Connecticut, for many years president of the Episcopal Church, lived all his life unwed. A friend men. tioned that one of the States was imposing a tax on bachelors, to be increased a certain per cent. every ten years of bachelor: hoot, and added: “Why, Bishop, at your age you would to pay a hundred dollars a year. “Well,” said the Bishop, quietly," have it’s wuth it." Bellman, ‘Tira was an Englishman who imported a famous wolf hound from Europe some years ago, to get rich cate for the scalp money oficred by the State of Texas Some genuine 1 ‘They followed many miles throug! without getting sight of either wolf or hours toa wooded spot, wher you see a wolf a man. “Yeees, sir: th How was the rece?” “Peauctty hot: nipan’ Utt-tuck, T-t-t-the dog wa-wa- er Herald. $to each. Texas sports were invited to witness the first chase, 1a hours Jijus' posed. was a leetle ahe Lire is published every Thursday, simultancously in the United States, ¢ British Possessions. $5.00 a year in advance. Union, $1.04 a year; to Canada. 52 cents three months from date of publication, 25 cents No contribution will be returned unless accom panied by stamped and addressed envelope. ‘The International News Company, Breams Lire is for sale by all Newsdealers in Great Britain c. Additional postage to foreign cou Single current copies, 10 cents. Ba AN OVERWORKED ELOCUTIONIST Once there was a little boy, whose name was Robert Reece; And every Friday afternoon he had to speak a pice. So many poems thus be learned, that soon he hail a store Of recitations in his head, and still kept learning more And now this is what happened: He was called upon, one weet, And totally forgot the piece he was about to speak ! His brain he cudgeled. Not a word remained within his bead! And so he spoke at random, and this is what he said “ My Beautiful, my Beautiful, who standest proudly by It was the schooner Hesperus—the breaking waves dashed igh! Why is the Forum crowded? What means this stir in Rome? Under a spreading chestnut tree there is no place like home! “When Freedom from het mountain height crit, little star, ‘Shoot if you must this old gray head, King Henry of Navare! Roll on, thou deep and dark blue castled crag of Drachert My name is Norval, on the Grampian Hills. ring out, wilt be! Te “If you're waking, call me early, to be or trot to be. ‘The curfew must not ring to-night! Ob, wood trcel Charge, Chester, charge! clever! ‘The boy stood on the burning deck, but I go on forever!™ an, spare t On, Stanley, on! And let who wil te His clocution was superb, his voice and gestures tine His schoolmates all applauded as he finished the “TL see it doesn’t matter,” Robert thought, "what words I ss, So long as I declaim with oratorical display!" —Corelym Wells, in St. Niche A youse constable arrived in a certa and in the’course of duty found it essen old offender. Arrived at the police station he ushered bite the cells with the comment, " Mind th “Gace awa’, man,” said the prisoner, with contempt the step afore ye was born." —Tit- Bits “Lies CONFUSING ENGLISH “TL sce one of our battleships reported fast in the mod.” “Well? was just thinking that a ship fast in the mad ought tote record-breaker on the open sea.""—~Philadel phia Ledger nk nuns bas prom perfection of the acroglss utomobile as an aid in meeting immensely valuable, With Us panics will be impossible. New York Post, THE FAMINE SAVED HIM A remark made nearly twenty years ago, says a wniter i te London Telegraph, is still numbered among king's collection of Irish bulls. Tt was a time of famine, and Miss Balfour, the siste o te former premier of England, Arthur Balfour, then Chief Sem tary for Ireland, was one of the noble hearted band of mel women who were helping with food and clothes the victi=s d those black days. As she sat ina cabin one morning, an old man called dot blessings on the head of her distinguished brother, and co heads of all those who had ministered to the wants of the ja: “And sure, me sweet leddy,” he said, “if it hadn't bees f the famine, it's starving we'd be this day.” the gems tt 2 millionaire from Pittsburg was observed to be lott outside of the pearly gates. “Why don’t you hurry #7 a knock?” queried a shade. “I'm waiting for that other 37” get ahead of me," whispered the Pittsburg millionaire. “Al Why, a grafter from San Francisco. By the sit It scem as innocent as a lam z of him I HE MEANT IT There is a Western politician, halls of Congress, who is well known for hi admit that he is ill, as well as for his circumlocu! expressios ¢ serving hi sisi One day a friend asked after the great “ Thomas,’ said the conservative repr “Tam not well, but Iam better than I ws than I now am."—Lippincet's. at Britain, Canada and, nes in the Postal numbers, after org he text and illustra permission obtained in advance. : 1, Via Firenze, Milan; Mayence, Germany. ions in Lire. are copyrighted, and are not to be reproduced Acents. entry Street, Leicester Square, W Pe Brentano's, 37 Ave. le Neem Fe withes! pod Prompt notification should be sent by subscribers of any change of address. comicbooks.com