Life — September 26, 1907 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

aL PREEF: :AUT SCISSORS Aut NULLUs THE OLD ‘AWKINS FAMILY "Yes," said Hawkins, who had recently bought some old silver at auction, “this is the okd Hawkins family plate Indeed?" said the observant guest; “At engraved upon it.” THREE AUTHORS “Is it? O—er—yes, of course. The original Hawkinses Prolific authors, noble three, lish, you know."—The Catholic Standard and Times vat surely this is an I do my derby off to ye cted, deat old chap, who knows The quantity of verse and prose That you have signed in all these years! You've dulled how many thousand shears! You've filled, at a tremendous rate, A million miles of “boiler plate" — of laurel for your brow! upcup to you—here’s bow! And you, deer Ibid. Ah, you wrote Too many things for me to quote, Though Bartlett, of quotation fame, Plays up your unpoctic name More than he did to Avon's bard Your stufi’s on every page, old pacd Bouquets to you the writer flings; You wrote a lot of dandy things. And you, O last, O greatest one A word with you, and I have done You Exchange, that ever flats Around with verses, anecdotes, And jokes. Oh, what a lot you sign (Quite frequently a thing of mine). Why, it would not be very st If 1 should see this signed — res . BUT WE WOS'T, KID, 1'VE JUST KRAEMMERED THERE'S A DUCK-FOND AT THE BOTTOM or THE, nie.” “ont, CUBHE ! IF WE COULD ONLY GO ON Like authors, wondrous three. by off to ye! —Franklin P. Adams, in Century THE EQUALITY OF MEN JUST AS GOOD AS EVER, TOO A New Vorker who docs his bit of *globe-trotting” tells of An old physician of the last generation was noted for bis two orld entries that he saw in the visitors’ book of a fashionable brusque manner and old-fashioned methods. One time a lady resort oa the Rhine. called him in to her baby who was slightly ailing. The A few years ago one of the Paris members of the Rothschild doctor prescribed castor-oil. family had registered as follows: “ K. de Paris.” “But, doctor,” protested the young mother, “castor-oil is It so chanced that the next visitur to inscribe his name in the such an old-fashioned remedy.” book was Baron Oppenheim, the banker of Cologne, and he “ Madam, iced the doctor, “babies are oki fashioned wrote his name beneath Rothschild's in this wise: “O. de things."—Ladics’ Home Journal. Cologne.""—Lip pincot's THEY NEEDED HIM Colonel Albert Pope, bicycle and automobile manufacturer, was in San Francisco on the day of the earthquake, at the old Palace Hotel. He was tumbled out of bed by the shock, and rushed down stairs to see what was the matter and was told there was no danger of the fire reaching the Pslace. Later in the day, he was advised to move along, and he packed two suit-cases with some of his belongings and hired an express wagoa to take him to the St. Francis. It was certain there was no danger there. Still, next day the fire was imminent, and Colonel Pope reduced his baggage to one suit-case and decided to go to the Presidio, for he knew General Funston, and was certain he would find refuge there ‘The Colonel is tall, whiskered and most dignified. He stood fon the curb for hours trying to hire a wagon to carry him and his suit-case to the Presidio, but nobody paid any attention to him. Then he decided to walk, for the fire was getting clos He carries! the suit-case for half a mile of so, stopying, now and thea, to throw away some of the stuff in it, and, at the end of the second mile, had thrown everything away except a nightshirt and a tooth-brush He sat down on a doorstep to rest. As he was sitting there an automobile, Jooded with soldiers, broke down out in th street. ‘The suldiers tried to fix it, and couldn't. “Pardon me,” said the Colonel, who had noticed that the automobile was one of the kind he makes himself; "if you will allow me, I think I can help you in your difficulty.”” He Icoked over the machine, found where the difficulty wa and fixed it. Then he started to return to his seat on the door in here," commanded one of the soldiers “No, thank you; I think I shall rest for a time Get ia here. We need you.” “But Lam Colonel Albert Pope"— “Get in here. You are too valuable a man to lise.” And they tumbled the dignified Colonel irto an automobile, took him to a garage, and made him work two days, fing automobiles, before he got word to his friend, General Funston, who thea came and rescued Saturday Evening Post RESPONSIBILITIES OF MANAGEMENT. You must explain these big dividends of yours to the public, said the reformer. “Well,” answered Mr. Dustin Stax, after some reflection, “it is easier to explain big dividends to the public than it is to exphin ‘small dividends to the stockholders.""—Washington Star. WORKED HIS WAY “What must I do to be saved?” cried the plutocrat at the mourners’ bench, “Take all your ill-gotten gains and restore them to the ones from whom you took them!" thundered the exhorter. Next day the plutucrat wrote checks for most of his fortune in favor of his business rivals, who immediately thought he had one crazy, and so they played the market against his corpora tions, and as a result they had to fork over the amount of the checks and twice as much more to him when the market closed. — Nesbit, in the Chicago Evening Post Lire is published every Thursday, simul i Great Britain, Canada and Building, Chancery Lane, London, E. C., England, AcENts. Brentano's, 37 Ave. de !'Opera, Paris: British Possessions. $5.00 a year In adv nal post eign countries in the Postal also at Saarbach’s News Exchanges, 1, New Coventry Strect, Leicester Square, W., London;' 9 Rue Union, $1.04 a year; to Canada, 52 cents. Single current copies, 10 cents. Back oumbers, after St. Georges, Paris; 1, Via Firenze, Milan: Mayence, Germany. three months fron on, 25 cents. The illustrations in Lire. are copyrighted, and are not to be reproduced without special permission panied by stam ped and addressed envelope. obtained in advance. Lire. is for sale by all Newadealers in Great Britain. The International News Company, Breams Prompt notification should be sent by subscribers of any change of address “The Sun never sets oa “Rad-Bridge"” and the Brith Expire. | THE STRONGEST and most robust of men and women occasionally require a ree pure tonical stimulant. The purity and excellence of BRIDGE WHIST SCORES YOU can tir your coffee with pewter spoon, but de you? 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