Life, 1907-09-19 · page 9 of 24
Life — September 19, 1907 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three distinct sections: **"The School Child Up to Date"** (poem by Elsie Duncan Yale): A humorous cautionary poem warning children about hygiene and safety at school—boiled pencils, sterilized slates, carbolic soap, avoiding microbes, and disinfected lunch boxes. It satirizes early 20th-century obsessions with germ theory and antiseptic precautions. **"A Family Puzzle"** (small illustration): A comedic logic puzzle presenting an intentionally confusing family relationship riddle, likely meant to entertain readers. **"Resources"** (article with illustration): Discusses railroad stocks and widows/orphans as financial investors. The piece appears satirical, suggesting "there's good money in fooling part of the people part of the time"—likely critiquing how financial schemes exploit vulnerable populations or gullible investors. The tone throughout is satirical social commentary typical of Life magazine's era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
*LIFE« The School Child Up to Date AKE haste to school, my little child, Or else you will be late Your books are all aseptic now And here's your sterile slate. Your pencil has been boiled an hour— Tis germless, now, I hope; And don't forget to wash your desk With this carbolic soap. And lest about the schoolroom floor Some unseen microbes lurk, Just sprinkle formaline around Before you set to work You'd better put, for safety’s sake, Bichloride in the ink And water that has not been boiled You must not dare to drink. Of course, when recess comes around, ‘ome food you'll want to munch; So in this disinfected box Is predigested lunch, And since ‘tis said that in a kiss Bacteria may dwell, I may not give you, as I'd like, A mother's fond farewell. Make haste to school, my little child, And leave my tender care; And may you still be safely kept From microbes in the air. A Family Puzzle Elsie Duncan Yale. A tENSO! : The family seems to be somewhat mixed. Hucues: Yes, it is; the woman is the man’s third wife, and the man is the woman’s second husband; the baby is the child of the woman’s second husband by his third wife, the twins are children of the man by his first wife, the girl with the red hair is the woman’s child by her first husband, the boy with the short trousers is the son of the man by his second wife, and that little girl standing over there by the woman’s second husband is another of the woman's children by her first husband. SAVING (?) TIME Resources “ RETTERMENTS!” A titter ran round the board. Then the oldest di- rector, who had seen the railroad business grow from small and timorous beginnings to its present greatness and insolence, kindly took it upon himself to instruct the new member in the esoteric significance of the term he had just let fall “Betterments, my young friend,’ quoth he, ‘are but another resource of ours when our sins chance to find us out. ‘The first resource, as you already know, is the widows and orphans who have invested their little all in our securities. Suppose, for instance, we have watered our stock (putting the proceeds in our own pockets, of course) until the public have lost patience and threaten us with drastic legislation. We first trot out the widows and orphans, with a dark picture of their distress should there be any impairment of the property. If that avails not, we turn to our other resource, and point out that unless the unreasonable hostility to capital abates, we shall never be able to borrow money with which to carry out !ong-contemplated betterments. “Tris true you can’t fool all the people all the time, but only a hog would wish to do so. There’s good money in fooling part of the people part of the time.”” comicbooks.com