Life — September 5, 1907 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“ERIE * Who Would Make the Worst President—and Why ? $50 in Cash Will Be Given for the Cleverest Answer to the Above Question N SWER should exceed 200 words Fach contestant may send in as many answers as he or she desires Live: will publish possible, after they a received, those answers which, in U of the editors, are worthy Mlanswers must be roth the answer which, in the judy opinion publication cived on or before September of the editors, is the best will be a All manuscripts must be typewritten on one side paper, The contestant’s name and addrew should be plainly written on each manuscript All manuscripts should be addresed to the Contest Editor of Live, 17 West gust Street, New York. Manuscrip and adidrewed should be accompanied by a stampel velope, in case the author Noi O THE pasture-full of pilots Strong to steer our Stately Craft, It will hardly be disputed ‘That the worst is Big Bill Taft For he never went to Harvard And he seldom shoots a bear, And for writing “Dear Maria” He doesn’t scem to care He's rather poor att tennis And at writing nature-books, And at dubbing railroad magnates Liars, scoundrels, knayes and crooks. Though he might have kept the woolsack, ding billion-dollar fines, He insists on serving simply In less pyrotechnic lines. He has read the Constitution And forgets ’tis obsolete And within the dictionary He has found the word “disc He isn’t long and lanky, And he isn't cold and chill; And as for drinking buttermilk, He'd rather take He has never boss pill. 1a Con And his talk is not profane; or is he fond of poker ‘To exercise his brain Hence, quite bereft of every charm Required to fill the bill, ‘The White House down at Washington Is one place Bill can’t fill And so of all the candidates With which our land is curst, is plain to every seasoned soul That Big Bill Taft's the worst, ANS tes Ist y 2d. Had it twice already Jous D. Mri No. 3 SUPPOSE Tom I t would make the worst President, but he isn’t making Presidents any more; so we shall have to trust to Providence to make another. I would make the worst President my self, because I would honestly try to do what the people do not want done—let the trusts alone and attack the monopo- lies, which would upset society. However, my modesty is Theodoric. 1 would have to be dragged to Washington and drugged not to resign afterward. 1 now give notice of this for the third and last term—time, I mean. If L could make a worse President than myself I would make it, since, as the An- archists say, that government is best that verns worst Bortox Hate No. 4 AIKRBANKS. Why? Because between trying to please the W.C. 'T. U. and cocktail advocates, he would never be drunk nor sober. JO EW No. 5 HE man who would be the worst Pres: ident is to-day the world’s greatest criminal, having committed every crime known to mankind and had warrants is sued for his arrest in every square mile wherever the English language is spoken, and vet has never been convicted, so strong is Lis‘ pull.” [nominate as worst President John Doe, who began his en inal career by leading astray Richard Roe, an innocent boy yet in his teens. He would hesitate at nothing, from assassi- nating rulers of nations to taking candy from babes. No sooner would John Doe take the Presidential oath of office than our coun- try would be plunged into wars. He would sell us into bondage to China, rob the old soldiers of their pensions and steal the national mints. When John 1D. Rocke- feller passed the dark alley on his way to the court-house to pay his $29,240,000 fine, Doe would sneak out and slug the old man. He would rob Harriman of all the railroads in the country, burn churche: schools and colleges for their insuranc He would destroy our homes, open the penitentiaries, and when finally an enraged people indicted him, he would make his usual “getaway.” ALD. MItnicas “COME FIDO, DON'T BE LAZY" FOXY FIDO “NOW COME, YOU LAZY THING “THAT'S A GOOD DOGGIE” comicbooks.com