Life — August 29, 1907 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AUT SCISSORS ! Aut NULLUS A WONDERFUL THING Mr. Brown had just had a telephone connection between his office and house, and was very much pleased with it “L tell you, Smith,” he was saying, “this telephone business isa wonderful thing. I want you to dine with me this evening, BUNKING WITH ROOSEVELT and I will notify Mrs. Brown to expect you.” Buown (speaking through the telephone): My friend Smith When President Roosevelt made his recent trip to Indiana po will dine with us this evening. lisand Lansing. one of the press ssociations sent alonga reporter Hy ‘ o who had never been out with a Presidential party before. The Now listen and hear how plain ber reply comes beck. reporter was nervous and much afraid some of the other press Ars. Devens reply cure tack with sardine disiacines { ™ Ask your friend Smith if he thinks we keep a hotel."—The representatives would “scoop” him on some of the incidents Home Magazine the trip. He happened to be away from the train when, at one of the stops, an old man, who claimed the President had bunked with him out on the plains, came up t ¢ hands, When the reporter got back he heard the story, but he was a little susp cious of he summoned up all his courage and went in to ask the President about it “Is it true that you bunked with that man who was brought Mr. President?” he asked the President replied. “I remember the cir cumstance very well. We had been rounding up horses, and one was missing. I volunteered to go out after it. I rodealong, 4 good many miles without catching sight of the horse, and night fell on me. I saw a light in the distance and came toa little shack on the plains. I thought that would be better than sleeping out, and I rapped on the door. This man came to the dont, let me in and invited me to sleep there. He had oaly one bunk, so we turned in together The reporter had been standing on one foot and then on the K, ; Vw other. The President stopped, and he had to sty something \ Moe Sohe stammered: "Was this of a railroad train, Mr. President?” & Saturday Exening < IN awatyaine the secret of King Edward's popularity among his subjects, a French writer recalls a stery which is worth Bom GoRve! The Vanquished One: wot you're Twice MY SIZE “TLL GIVE YOU TWO CHANCES THEN. STAND UP acatN.” retelling. He relates how, when his majesty was driving along mintry road in Scotland one day, he came upon an old et woman strugaling under a lad which was more than manage. “You might take part of this in your A CORRESPONDENT of the Boston Globe gives the following carriage,” cried the old woman to the King, whom she did not sentences, each of which contains all the letters of the alphabet recognize. “Alas, my good woman,” replied his majesty, “I'm ‘The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. very sorry, but I'm not going the same way. However, let me Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs give you the portrait of my mother.” fot of good that'll do John quickly extemporized five tow bags. was the reply. "Take it all the same,” said the King, Frowsy quacks vex, jump and blight ing, and be put a sovereign, bearing Queen Victoria's effigy, Quack! glad zephyrs, wave my javelin b in the palm of the astonished old peasant.—Bufalo Commercial Please give the money to Dr. J. Z. Quack’s wife PROFESSOR MATCHED THE BOSS Boston and Cambridge people of an carlier day remember well Professor Child, of Harvard, a scholar who was likewise a live man, President Eliot tells with great gusto a story about his faithful attention to city politics Professor Child always attended to his duties as a citizen of Cambridge. One night he went to a ward meeting at whic 1 boss began to put forth some of his warped ideas. The colleg prcfessor was speedily on his feet and scathingly denounced the boss and his methods, After the mecting was over the good-natured bass, just te show that he bore no ill-will, met the scholar on the stairs and genially handing over a cigar, said: “Have a smoke, profess? His antagonist straightened up, took the cigar, and said wit great diginity: “Yes; I'l match you in any of your lesser vices!"-—Boston Herald. HE WAS NOT LAZY Mark Twain says that all are lazy: some are able to fight down, while others fall. He knew a noo-combatant of thi class when a boy in Hannibal, His name was Jim Black, ao ‘one summer morning he was lying under a tree beside the ri listening to the birds and watching the steamboats glide up sr down the great stream. “Well, what are you here for?" Mark asked him. 'm here,” said Jim, “for to pile them bales onto the wharf “Oh! And now you are resting, are you?” No," said Jim: “I ain't resting, because T ain't tired. I'm just waiting for the sua to sink down behind that there hill, so T can knock off work.""—Kensas City Star Aw otp gentieman, rather portly and clad in a somewhat youthful suit of light gray flannel, sat on a bench in the pork enjoying the spring day “What's the matter, sonny?” he asked a small urchin who Lay on the grass just across the walk and stared intently. “Why don't you go and play?” “Don’t wanter.” the boy replied. “But it is not natural,” the old gentleman insisted, "for a boy to be so quiet. Why don’t you run ibout?”” “Ob, I'm just waitin’,” the little fellow answered. ‘I'm just waitin’ till you get up. A man painted that bench about fifteca minutes ago."—Pittsburg N “Pye” At the recent meeting of the Simplified Spelling Board in New York City Colonel Thomas Wentworth Higginson told a story about Harriet Beecher Stowe. She was, Colonel Higginson said, the last American author to stick to which was the universal spelling for pie one hundred years ago. When the editor of the Atlantic remonstrated with her she had her answer ready “The ‘y.’" she said, “always makes the middle part of the pye taste better to me.""—Vouth's Comparion. Mx, Jawnack: The biggest idiots always seem to marry the prettiest women. Mas. JAWHACK: Now, you're trylag to fatter me —Clerdls Lire is published every Thursday. $5.00 a year io advance. Additional postage to foreign _ Saarbach’s News Exchange, 1, New Coventry S' icester Square, W., London; Saarbach’s countries in the Postal Union, $1.04 a year; to Canada, 52 cents. Single current copies, 10 cents. News Exchange, 9 Rue St. Georges, Paris; Saarbach's News Exchange, 1, Via Firenze, Milsa Back numbers, after three moaths from date of publication, 25 ceats. Saarbach’s News Exchange, Mayence, Germany, is for sale by all Newsdealers in Great Britain. ‘The International News Company, Breams "Ne contribution will be returned unless accompanied by stamped and addressed envelope. Building. Chancery Lane, London, E. C., England, AGENTS. The illustrations in Live. are copyrighted and are not to be reproduced. Brentano's, 37 Avenue de VOpéra, Prompt notification should be sent by subscriders of any change o} address, AND FIRST OVER THE BARS BEST OVER THE BARS Yor guarawtee of purity, HUNTER see back abel on every baile; Andt's AY WM. LANAHAN & SON, Baltimore, Md. @® Niagara Falls 9 Hours from New York via NEW YORK CENTRAL LINES 262 comicbooks.com