Life — July 18, 1907 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

RFE UT SCISSORS Aut NULLUs A WONDERFUL DISCOVERY A certain gentleman from the F to the ways of this country was accosted one day by a member ald Isle who was unused of the sp ty. This person offered to impart to him, for a m marvell ke money out toiling fo All one needed, he Sid, was a small umount to bet on a certain horse that could’t possibly lose. And yez say Oi can get thot money without working asked the bewildered Irishman, when the other was thro plaining, to count the Sure thing. AM the work you got to d © sporty-looking And the Pat's joy was unbounded when he was handed a roll of yellow: backed bills. ling his new-found friend sked ina voice that trembled with exciteme money at odds of five to one. Oi say, how long has this thing been goin’ on? Lippincett's THE POINT OF VIEW You can’t get eon a half he door keeper at the circus. 1 thought 1 cout have a bad eye, and I * apologized the small town citizen. nly expected to see half of the show.” I have to get two tickets.” said the doorkeeper. J eye it'll take you twice as long to see 5 Weekly Then ye If you only have one the show."—Herp INSTRUCTIONS NEEDED Everybody knows one or more of those conscientious egoists tno one can be trusted ine work without their who cannot rid themselves of the » carry out the simplest details of ro personal supervision, Tr was one of these men who sailed for England, leaving in his brother's care a parrot of which he was very fond. All the way across the Atlantic he worried about the bird. and po sooner had. he landed at Southampton thea he rushed over this cablegram to his brother * Be sur And the b: * Have fed him. but hes hungry again next?”"—IWoman s Home Companion il feed pan wee cabled back What shall 1 do OVERHEARD IN FRONT OF A STATIONERS WIN" DOW IN ECCLES First Lrrrur Gra (eagerly pointing to a picture post-card of Whit-Week procession): You Stcoxp Lrrttx Girt: Yes “And y “Well, that’s me!” ¢ Mary Anne there? A hee?" see them boots be Manchester Guardian. Mos. Bird: 1 1,XVER SEE YOU IN THIS CONDITION AGAIN TLL GET A DIVORCE Srcertary Exum Root is said to have been one of the best paid attorneys in the United States. General Corbin, who used frequently to accompany him upon horseback excursions, was embarrassed by his fruitless efforts to engage Root in con. versation, Becoming desperate from his repeated failures, Corbin in speaking of the dilemma, said: "Why, the man is so being poid for talking that I'M be hanged it I Tit have to pay him Argonaut. accustomed believe he will talk unless he is ps: a Stiff {ce to hear the sound of LINES [Written in dejection to a baby in a crowded third-class way carriage | Repellant Infant! Thing of Fear, Avaunt, aroint thee—come not near! Thy toothless jaws I like not welt ‘They dribble—or let loose a yell Vindictive as a shriek from hell At any moment thou art quick To seize a chance of being sick ‘Thy dangling bandy legs protrude Mottled and creased and much too nude. ‘Thy stare is meaningless—but rude Sinister Being! I declare Td slay thee, but I do not dare! T hold thy company accurst Merce! third-class infant, lest I busst Or have to change and travel first And yet—a Purpose I divine Even in such a shape as thine. Lest Darwin's teaching be denied ‘Thou com’st to humble Human Pride And teach us not to put on side —London Glove. “T atave been engaged in the practice of law a good many years,” said S. S. Urmy, police judge of Topeka, Kans., “and about the most humorous thing I ever saw in a court-room was in Topeka “One day an old negro man was being tried in the justice court—that was before the office of police judge was created—and he demanded a trial bya jury of his peers. He could neither read nor write, and his lawyer insisted that the jury, to be bis peers as required by law, must be unable to read oF write, too. Te avoid dispute I agreed to it, but we had a time finding twelve men in Topeka who could neither read nor write, But we find them, and the case went to trial “Before the jury retired I took two pieces of paper and wrote ‘guilty’ on ope piece and ‘not guilty" on the other, and instructed the foreman of the jury to destroy the one he did not wish used and to return the other to me when the jury reached 2 verdict. ‘The jury was out only a few minutes, when it came in The foreman handed me a piece ¢ written on it Well, gentlemen, you find him guilty. ‘0. sah, jedge. no, sah, we done found him not guilty spoke up one of the jurymen. ‘Then he added with disgust *Ttole that fool nigger he was tearin’ up the wrong piece of paper." —Kansas City Star Witar is your idea of a perfect husband?" asked the senti mental girl "A perfect husband wili submit to any amount of reproof because he delayed dinner to see an eleven inning baseball game to the finish and never ‘once allude to the similar delays occasioned by his wife's devotion to illustrated lectures or pianists *—Washington Star. answered Miss Cayenne, "is one who Lire, is published every Thursday $5.00 a year in advance Additional postage to. foreign arbach’s News Exchange, 1. New Coventry Street, Leicester Square, W., London; Saarbach’s ws Exchange, 9 Rue St. Georges, Paris: Saarbach’s News Exchange, 1, Via Firenze. Milan; Saatbach's News Exchange. Mayence, Germany ‘Ne contribution will be returned unless accompanied by stamped and addressed envelope The illustrations in Lire are copyrighted and are not fo be reproduced Prompt notifcation should be sent by subscribers ol any change of countries in the Postal Union, $104 year: to Canada, 52 cents. Single current copies, 10 cents Back numbers, after three months from date of publication. 25 cents. Live is for sale by all Newsdealers in Great Britain. ‘The International News Company, Breams Building. Chancery Lane, Le E_C.. England, AcEsts. Brentano s, 37 Avenue de Opéra. Paris \ason- THE PURITY, MATURITY, AND FLAVOR OF HUNTER WHISKEY HAS GIVEN IT ITS WONDERFUL. POPULARITY AND A REPU- TATION FOR EXCELLENCE ABSOLUTELY UNSURPASSED Yor quarartee of purity, see back \abel oneverybdiile; Wat's WS WM. LANAHAN & SON, Baltimore, Md. @® Chicago and West—Lake Shore Limited—THE NEW YORK CENTRAL LINES comicbooks.com