Life — July 11, 1907 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

STUNG ‘There is a law in Texas which requites commercial travelers to purchase a license before they may do business, a law either unknown to or disregarded by a certain patent-medicine m: from New Englind. He was j where he had placed an order, when a stranger came up and ad. emerging from a drug-store, dressed him 12 sell Brown's Boston Bitters, don't you?" asked Yes; and I'd like to sell you a case—eure you so quick you the stranger won't have been sick yesterday—fact!* the drummer said. All right. How much is she?” the stranger asked, pulling out his pocketbook, and handing over the five dollars demanded, receiving in exchange an order on the local freight-agent for his me, I'd just like to sce your license to peddle—t'm the sherifl “You've got me—t sn't I don't su " the stranger pleasantly drummer aske offering the money se it will be necessary for er 2 toay * the sheriff replied. Then he Whatam I gi >, that will be all right, looked at the order for the case of medicine to do with this stuff?" he asked. “Tl give you a dollar for it,” the drummer suggested, and the trade was made “And do you happen to have a license thought not. Well. yc thout a license » peddle? Huh, 1 have been tr me—selling guess I'll go file a complaint against And the next morning the s fine of tweaty-five dollars goods you," the drummer said, sweetly sheriff, with a sheep Harpers h grin, paid AMBITION Uscte Horace (who és somethi opher) My boy, it is time for you to think seriously of the kind of future you intend to map out for yourself. ‘To sum it up what epitaph are you anxious to have engraved upon your tombstone? Nevunw (just beginning his carce Chicago Tribune. “He got his share." Sue: He has t extraordinary figure, hasn't he? Mx: Th he can buy ready made.— believe an umbrella is about the only thing Illy Sloper's Hal}-Hetiday ed exery Thursds wance he Postal Union, $1044 ye Back numbers, after three months from « Lire. is for sale by all Newsdealers Building, Chancery Lane. London, E Brentano's, 37 Avenue de VOpéra, cents International News PleEsE AUT SCISSORS SOS Aut NULLUS A LARGE ORDER ‘The proprietor of a certain restaurant “leased” the reverse side of his bill of fare to a carriage manufacturer, who prints advertisements thereon. ‘The other day a customer, in a great hurry, ran into the restaurant, sat at a table and was handed a bill wrong side up by the flurried waiter. The customer put on his pince-nez, curled his mustache with his keft hand and shouted in a voice of thunder: “Bring me a fly, a landau, two victorias and a dog-cart. Got any funeral cars?” ‘The waiter fled. —London Graphic. WHAT'S THIS "ERE VILLAGE COMIN’ AT THK SKYSCRAPER THEY'VE WILLIKINS! JST Look ver or?" AGAIN THE SERVANT PROBLEM He: 1 thought they weren't going to get married until the autumn? Sue: Yes, but they changed their minds suddenly, and were appened to hear of a good —Demo- united yesterday. You see, they servant out of a place, and they wanted to secure cratic Telegram Tostratys is having an awful time with his new auto.” Every time he sepairs it he has a lot of parts left over that he can’t find place for." — Milwaukee Sentinel A HOYT STEER The author of “A Temperance Town" and “A Texas Steer” spent much of his time in his country home; but one day he ap- peared unexpectedly in New York at The Lambs Club. Going straight to the café, he made one large, inclusive gesture, which brought every man present about him. “It’s on me,” said Mr. Hoyt. ‘Then he told bis story. Tt was before the days of electricand gasoline motors, and he had boughta little steam yacht. He engaged as his engineer one of his Yankee neighbors, and offered him liberal wages, with the provision that the engineer should find his own coal. It was a Jong way to the nearest coal yard, and Mr, Hoyt had all the trouble he was looking for to keep his own furnace fed. “But where shall I get the coal?" the new engineer asked. “I doo’t care,” said the foremost of American stage humorists. “Steal it.” ‘So the bargain was struck. All went well until in the early autumn Mr. Hoyt went into his cellar to see bow much coal he would have to have brought him for the winter, Of several tons on hand in the spring ooly two or three scuttlefuls remained. The theft was speedily traced to the engincer.—Saturday Eve- ning Post. TOO SWIFT FOR HIM The old broker handed the messenger boy a yellow slip and then pointed to the bronze statue of Mercury, which stood on the desk. “My boy.” said the old broker, solemnly, “do you see that statue? Well, that is Mercury, the swiftest messenger boy on record. Now, I want you to take this message and go as fast as Mercury.” Jimmy *hifted his chewing-gum and toyed with the ends of his dog cared novel. " Yer'll have to excuse me, mister.” he responded, “but can't do anything of de kind. In de first place, I've got more clothes on den dat lobster and, in de second place, if I was caught run. ning like dat I'd get turned out of de union.” And then Jimmy winked at the janitor and started off at the same old gait—Chicago News. LINCOLN’S WAY William T. Stead was talking in New York about the world’s governments, “There is some truth in the saying,” he concluded, “that nations ha Good government is imposible without unselfish work, without self-sacrifice on the part of the citizens. fe the governments they deserve. What governments need are citizens of the Lincoln stamp. Lincoln, are soon to commemorate, was much abused by one of his He was even openly insulted by the commencement of the awful war that you generals, a Pennsylvanian. this man. In his splendid way he put up with that mistreatment im- perturbably the thing kept on and on, growing more and more flagrant, his friends remonstrated with im. ‘They tok! him he was suffering more than was reasonable ot Fight But Lincoln only sin I hold General But whi od his odd, sad, humorous smi —'s horse for him,’ be said, ‘if he will only bring us success.’ Washington Star. ach's News Exchange, Company, Breams Prompt noi w Coventry Street, Leicester Squ: Res, Paris; Saarbach's Nes many Soarbach's ation should be sent by subscribers hiteRock “The Champagne of Waters” LONDON : RAD:BRIDGE Registered at Pat.Office London-Washington-Ottawa. BRIDGE Wh SCORES Ask me RAD-BRIDGE the universal standard 3 Aldersgate Buildings, E. C. 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