Life — June 27, 1907 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

f sone MAKES THE MAYOR 60 ff ENN Hearst W. R.A young man with a long face, a long pocketbook and a long record, who born in Califor- nia, raised himself in New York, de- scended into Hades, and is forever out of politics. He is a great traveler, having visited Europe, Asia, Africa and parts of Brooklyn. The only place he hasn't vis- ited has been Congress. For many years now he has had yellow fever, being con- stantly attended by trained nurse Bris- bane. At one time he was a member of Harvard, that college being remind- ed of it ever since. cupation is loving Mayor McClellan and reading the New York World. Favorite flowers, goldenrod and sassa- fras. Author of “The Trail of the Serpent,” “Yellow Is That Yellow Does,” etc. Motto: ‘ Money makes the mayor go.” Address, care Ella Wheeler Wilcox. Sue Him! R. WILLIAM J. LONG, the ro- manticist nature-writer, wants Pres- ident Roosevelt to apologize for his recent remarks. No ¢, William. He won't apolo- gize. He would rather fight. Sue him for libel. That’s your proper remedy, and a good advertisement, besides, for both of you. “QHE'S a very intellectual woman.” “So I hear. Is she intelligent?” His principal oc- ° <7 PeE, Who's What In and Out of America o Twain, Mark (alias Clemens.) Born in the United States of America threescore and eleven years ago, this young fellow is still a baby in white flan- nels, having outlived several philosophers, sages and obstreperous livers. History to the contrary, he is the first discoverer of Joan of Arc, the Mississippi River and the Court of St. James. Early in life he traveled abroad, and not only survived, but was even able to write well after- ward. His principal fondness is for mis- sionaries, Christian Science and moral- ity. But since becoming intimate with H. H. Rogers, he has devoted himself more and more to missionaries and Chris- tian Science. His principal recreation is not parting his hair. His true greatness consists in the fact that he is still regarded with pure affection, in spite of the fact that he has been advertised by George Harvey. At present he is engaged in writing an autobiography, which, it is es- timated, will be finished in 1999, or pos- sibly in the fall of 1998. His favorite motto is “Smoke Up.” reading in bed. HERE is much of the flavor of go- early-and-avoid-the-rush about the Harvard University Gazette's announce- ment that “Week-day morning prayers begin at 8.45 A.M. served.” No seats are re- His only vice is Esdy, Mary Baker. A cclebra- ted claim remover of Concord, Mass. Also Profitess. This lady was born in New Hampshire some seventy years ago, and since then has been principally en- gaged in raising husbands, money and disciples. Her husbands have vanished, being only errors of mortal mind, but money and disciples are still on hand. Her principal occupation is removing claims and wads and being an understudy to divinity. Unlike the old woman who lived in a shoe and who had so many chil- dren, this lady always knows exactly what todo. At one time she lived in Massa- chusetts, but, it being so unhealthy for her there, she left and has never dared to return. ‘Though not of royal blood, she lives on royalties and souvenir spoons, and as a hymn manufacturer is a great success. She writes the English language with almost the lucidity of Henry James. Her favorite posture is reading McClure’s Magazine. Favorite flower, forget-me- not. Principal works, “The Robberies Company, Limited,” “The Law and the Profits.” Favorite motto: “What fools these mortals be.” Address, Heaven and Earth. Towed Home ED: What kind of an auto has he? NED: Twenty horse- power going out and one horse coming back. CRANK is a man who knows more about one subject than we do about twenty. comicbooks.com