Life — May 30, 1907 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

-EMPE- Husbands’ Brigade 1 Humanitarian Effort, Which Includes Working Husbands of All Sorts and Conditions HE Work Horse Parade on Deco- ration Day is a very good thing, indeed. But Lire knows of a class perhaps almost as deserving. Husbands! Our parade will be strictly impartial. Old, tired husbands, nervous husbands, nagged and spavined husbands, will all be included. No kind of a husband will be barred out who is possibly able to attend. ‘The parade will start promptly at ten o'clock from the Fifth Avenue entrance to Central Park. The order of march will be down Fifth Avenue to Twenty- third Street, and thence down Broadway to the Battery, the edge of the ‘Tender- loin being skirted. Joseph Smith, of Utah; Thomas Platt, of New York, and Carrie Nation, of Kansas, have kindly consented to act as judges. All ladies who desire to enter their husbands in this grand movement should send in their applications at once. Husbands while away from their wives will be properly groomed and fed and de- livered as safely as ordinary care will permit. But we shall not hold ourselves responsible in any way for lost, strayed or stolen husbands. All deliveries should be made near the monkey-house in the Park Zoo. In filling out applications, wives should carefully indicate the class in which they wish their husbands entered. These classes are as follows: Entries HeENpeckeD Division.—This, as its name indicates, is 2 grand division, and the prizes given in this division will not affect the prizes in other classes. All husbands are eligible for this entry, provided that they are still physically able to walk the distance of the parade. They will be judged on several counts — cheerfulness, dre etc. But husbands who wear shirts, cravats and other articles of wearing apparel made or selected exclusively by their wives will be judged in a class by themselves. Piess.—This entry includes husbands whose families are inferior socially to the families of their wives and who are con- stantly being made aware of this fact. In making awards, a special committee will question the contestants to see whether their philosophy has been developed sufficiently to stand the constant strain to which they are subjected. Crotnes-Horsr Huspanps.—This class has already been referred to. It includes all who have become accustomed through long habit to wear the garments made or selected by their wives. This is divided into three sections—under, outer and necktie. The highest prize will be awarded to the hus- band who is able without flinching to wear the brightest col- ored worsted tie his wife has made for him. Smokers’ BricapE.—This, naturally, includes all husbands whose wives buy their cigars. They will be judged by a care- ful examination of their constitutions to ascertain how they have endured the strain. During the parade they will be ex- pected to smoke their wives’ cigars. Special ambulances will accompany this division. Derenvents.—Entrics in this class include those husbands whose wives have money and who are constantly referring to the fact in terms of reproach and indicating that the husbands are dependent upon them. Grinpstoners.—This class includes those hard-working husbands whose noses are constantly kept to the grindstone by the money-spending ability of their wives. It will be re- called that the recently organized,Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Husbands has done noble work for this down- trodden class, and it is hoped that the effects will be seen in the parade. Other classes will be announced from time to time. There will be grand divisions of husbands who have been married one, two, three and more times. SEPARATE— CLASS HUSBANDS WHO comicbooks.com