Life — May 16, 1907 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

BURBANKED HUMANITY [Luther Burbank, can be applied to the human family as well as to plants.— One o} the magazines.) he horticultural wizard, says his work O, wizard of our Western land, Who changest daytime plants to night, You grow—and seemingly offhand A blackberry that's d can you change as readily azzling white. Bu The fruit upon the family tree? For instance, there's the large girthed man, Who takes two seats when on a car, Who travels on the all-bog plan, adies are. I be And never stands where Can he be changed so he w The beau ide of courtesy? am divine! And can you raise—oh, d An Easter lidless type of girl A brand new output feminine That will not care for frill or curl? And through thy magic shall we see A gentler sex, sans vanity? And can you hold out some hope faint That we shall see, in politics, An office-seeker free from taint, Who will not stoop to lies and tricks? j.. fact, can it be your great mission ‘To graft a graftless litician ? Denver Republican ONE FROM THE GALLERY James Bryce, the British Ambassador,” said a Chicagoan, eon the Oce the promenade deck k turning to Napoloon, he told me an “crossed with o ic, and ‘one mo amusing story “He said that in Paris, during the Nay years back, he attended a Napoleon play at the Odeon. “In this play one act hinged on the birth of the little King of Rome. If the child was a girl one cannon shot was to be firee "Well, on the night in question a cannon shot rolled forth, and there ensued a Jong silence on the stage. It isa girl, said Josephine, tensely But just then a second shot was heard, and the empress nic craze of some if a boy, two shots cried : D, a boy, a boy!" Now, though, through some error, a third cannon shot thundered forth. In the awkward pause that followed a gamin in the gallery shouted ** Parblen, it’s triplets!""—Washington Star. ¥S<AVT MT Selsyers 5 28) Avi Nyllw COULDN'T FORGET WALL STREET * Wall Street associates of the great “bear,” James R. Keene, admit almost unanimously that the financier is seldom caught napping. They declare, however, that Mr. Keene is absent minded occasionally, and tell this story on him to prove it Keene and his fellow “bull baiter,”” Washington E. Connor, were at the Keene country place outside of New York. It was a beautiful summer evening, and Connor proposed a stroll through the magnificent grounds. Though the guest had left all the cares and worries of the Street in the city, appar ently the host had not. The two started on the walk, but Connor voticed that Keene was strangely uncommunicative. Suddenly the full moon appeared above the trees, and Connor regarded its splendor in silence for a moment. Then he turned ompanion “Isn't the moon beautiful, Keene?” he asked “Yep; but it’s too high, too high!” was the preoccupied answer, with a sigh—Sunday Magazine “1, FELLOWS ! LOOK AT THE LEMON: MARMALADE EXPLICIT INSTRUCTIONS As the St, Patrick's Day parade turned the corner an electric car came clanging down the street. The gallant captain knew that the proper maneuver under the circumstances was “open order,” but not knowing the exact word of command for the occasion, he turned to his followers and shouted in martial tones *Attintion, min! Here coomes the carr? Coompany, sphlitt!"—Woman's Home Companion. Sreaxinc with a young lady, a gentleman mentioned that he had failed to keep abreast of the scientit vance of the age. “For instance,” he said, “I don't know at all how the incan- descent electric light which is now used in some buildings is pro- duced. "Oh, itis very simple.” said the lady. and the light appears at once." —Tit- Bits ‘ou just turn a button A GOLFING ALPHABET Ais the Alphabet; now let us try Its lessons to golfing’s sweet charms to apply. B is the brassie, the bogey, the ball, ‘The bunker, where grief often comes to us all. C is the caddie, who's oft disinclined To look for the ball, which yourself you must find. D is the driver, and if I but knew Its secrets I'd gladly reveal them to you. E is the elegant, exquisite ease Which your partner displays when he comes to the tees F is the foozle, the foursome, the ‘fore ‘The latter anrounced by a fear-striking roar G is the guttie, discarded and dead, So we'll take, if you please, its successor instead. H is the handicap; as we progress We are proud to behold it grow happily less. Lis the iron, and J is the jigger, And K is the "Kite," with two shillings the figure, Lis the lie, and it need pot be stated. How often a good one is necessitated M is the mashie, and also the match, And likewise the medal we all want to catch. N is the niblick, in trouble a friend. © the opponent, one up at the end, P is the putter, most useful, the fact is, For giving on drawing-room carpets some practice. Q is the question, which worries the soul, Why on earth it’s so hard to get into the bole? R is the rubber-core, ancient device, ‘Though with certain advantages as to the price. S is the stimy, and also the stroke, And likewise subscriptions: but they are a joke. ‘Tis the tee where the amateurs stand. With their noses just peeping o'er hillocks of sand. U,V. W,X, ¥ and 2 Are useful to mutter in passions instead Of the sorry expressions which sometimes distress me: Such as “Oh, goud gracious!” " Confound it!” of " Bless me!* —Liverpoot Post THE TWINS The Harmon twins looked so much alike as bubies that their parents coukd scarcely tell them apart. As they older it became evident that to Grandmother Harmon at least the twins were a unit “You were asking me how much the twins weigh,” si Grandmother Harmon to a neighbor. “When I weat out th. afternoon I put one of them on the scales at the grocery, ani found they weigh just Oventy-six pounds. “Do they always weigh exactly the same?” inquired the neighbor, and Grandmother Harmon looked quite imputicot “The twins?” she said. “Of course; why not?” ‘The neighbor had no reason to give, but she rebelled a few days later when, in answer to her inquiry, Grandmother Hat mon said “*Where are the twins? Ob, they got a cinder in one their eyes, and their mother has taken them down to the ocu list’s to have it removed, they were fussing so over it.""—Veuti's Com pantion. Lire is published every Thursday. $5.00 a year in advance. Postal Union, $1.04 a year extra. Single current copies, 10 cents. from date of publication, 25 cents. Lire is for sale by all Newsdealers in Great Britain. 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