Life — May 9, 1907 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

i ; Wao CONFUSED IDENTITY People taken by sur imes say what they do not mean. A carful of people were entertained recently by a con- versation which neither of the participants found comic. A train was waiting in a dim station at the end of a dull afternoon; lights were not yet lighted, and it was decidedly dusky withia the ar. An excited and near-sighted woman hurried in, hurried down the aisle, peering at the passengers as she went, and at last. as she dropped into a seat beside another woman, exclaimed with a sigh of relief Dh, it's you! "Certainly not!” snapped a startled stranger, turning; where- upon the mistaken traveler hastily apologized “1 beg your pardon—but it’s so dark in here I was quite sure you were, " Another woman, in similar circumstances, became even more confused. She was waiting for her sister in a railway station when a gentleman, looking for his wife, and misled by a general resemblance in figure and clothing, stepped up behind ber,and, laying his hand on her shoulder, exclaimed “Thank goodness, Emma, it's you!” ‘The name he used happened to be really hers, which made the sudden familiarity even more startling. She jumped nervously. “You're mistaken, sir!" she gasped. “I'm Emma, but she isn't me.”"— Youth's Companion. MORGAN AND THE STUTTERER A young reporter on the New York Sun, who stuttered fear- fully, was sent one day to try to get a statement from Mr. J. Pier- pont Morgan. “Who and what In moments of § stammering always became acute, so he stood with jaws locked, vainly trying to speak, Mr. Morgan began to fume, What in the devil are you ‘The reporter's sense of humor did not share the clogging up of re you?” demanded Mr. Morgan. prise of nervous excitement the reporter's ind finally he sputtered his speech, and, after much facial contortion, he managed to gurgle out *T-T-1—aaaaa-m an clocutionist.” Mr. Morgan saw the joke, he grimly relaxed and when the reporter's speech-consciousness returned he got the statement.— Saturday Evening Pou. POET IN TRAINING * Did you beat the carpet, dear? “I did,” replied the poet “And the stovepipe—have you taken it down?” “T have.” “That's a dear! Now, go and dig in the garden for exercise, and then you may go to your garret and write love songs for groceries!"—Atlanta Constitution. eZ cIs§e D4 AMT SSSERS IME Nh 5, AVI. NO ROOM FOR A THIRD Secretary Taft was, on one occasion, in consultation with Senator Penrose, of Pennsylvania. ‘The Secretary is gigantic and the Senator is taller and weighs more than any other member of the Senate. While these two statesmen were in earnest conversation an aggressive politician endeavored to enter the room, but an alert secretary politely interfered. What are they doing in there?” asked the politician, in: quisitively. ‘ ‘This pertinent question nettled the secretary, and he answered, tersely: "Holding a mass-meeting, I presume."—Philadel phia Record. “mow 1s THAT? YOU DON'T WEIGH AS MUCH AS you pip?” “Wily, YOU SEE, 1 COT IN A RAILWAY ACCIDENT OTHER DAY AND LOST THREE LIVES." SILENCE “This phonograph is silent,” sai had deposited his penny. “Of course,” responded the genial proprietor; “all it contains is the President's explanation of the advancement of General Wood."—Philadelphia Ledger the indignant tourist, who A Lasce number of people keep on talking when they have ceased thinking,” says the Baltimore American. But would you make a voiceless solitude of our best society?—Cleveland Plain Dealer } ON THE BARGAIN COUNTER The Bookman bad first chance upon this contribution. Instead of accepting it, the publishers wrote: “We received to-day through the mail, a list of books which appears to us to be aw advertisement. As no instructions accompanied the list, we writ you asking what it was.” “He Fell in Love with His Wife.” Bound in black and white rare. “The Man with the Hoe." Ilustrated; somewhat soiled “The Heart of Midlothian.” Half calf; only one copy left. “Siberian Exile.” Bound in Russia; several copies. “The School of the Woods.” In boards; shelf worn. “ My Wife and 1."" 2 vol, edition in white and gold, a rare bar- gain; Vol. II only. “Our Old Home.” Vellum; 10 vols.; 1863 Ed. “What Will He Do with It?” One-half Russia, illustrated by a Japanese artist; Vol. I only. “The Pet Lamb.” Sheep; old. “A Rose of Yesterday.” A bargain, white with silver clasps; somewhat faded.—The Editor. CONCLUSIVE REASONING A little elderly German who keeps a stationer’s shop amuses himself by making up stories about his customers and telling them to his family. “Dat young lady who has de pink cheeks, she be married soon, 1 Vink,” he announced one night “Now, my Carl, you know nottings of her whateffer, is it not s0?" and his wife looked severe. “It is like dis,” said the stationer solemnly: “I observe, and I know. At first she buys paper and envelopes de same: later she buy twice as more paper, and den five times as more pa pe envelopes. So I know she is betrothed. And to-day she buy only ‘one-half dozen envelopes and five times as more paper; and when 1 tell her she get dem cheaper if she buy many, she say, ‘I have no need of more, t’ank you"; so I know de friend he comes soo0, and socomes de marriage on quickly." —The Youth's Companion. “Tops,” a little Washington boy, is four years old and his mamma and papa think he’s just about the best boy that ever lived; but the other day he got a bit cross about something or other and an“ Oh, the devil!"'slipped out before he knew it. Of course, his mother was grieved and hurt, and she told Toolles so. She explained that he mustn't be naughty, and that above al! things he must not swear, “But, mamma,” said Toodles. “it ain't swearing to say that, ‘cause there is a ‘devil.’ “But, my dear.” said Toodles’s mamma, “you must not make light of sacred things." —Bujale Commercial THE LAW'S DELAY Shortly after Congressman Maddox, of Georgia, had turned over part of his law practice to his son, the young man came into the office with a flushed, triumphant face. “Pap,” be began, “you know that Wilkins case you've been trying for the last ten years?” The Congressman nodded. “Well,” said the young man, "I've settled it!” “Settled it!” ejaculated his father. “Settled it! Why. my boy. T gave you that case as an annuity!”—Woman's Home Com panion $5.00 a year in advance. from date of publicatic Lire. is for sale by all Newsdealers in Great Britain, iz. Chancery Lane, London, E. C., England, AGENTS. tano’s, 37 Avenue de Opéra, Paris Postage to foreign countries in the ‘Single current copies, 10 cents. Back numbers, after three months The International News Ci = = ———— — | ‘ews Exchange, 9 Rue ppany, Breams aarbach’s News Exchange, 1, New Coventry Street, Leicester Georges, Paris; Saarbach's News Exchange, Mayence, Germany ‘No contribution will be returned untess accom panied by stamped and addressed envelope. The illustrations in Lave. are copyrighted and are not to be reproduced. Prompt notiscation should be sent by subscribers of any change of address. are, W., London; Saarbach’ hange, 1, Via Firenze, Mil Saarbach's News Wilson — For guavarttee of purity, see back \abel onevery baile; Wat's WAY some. ‘Whiskey. When you order whiskey, order the best. The best is HUNTE RYE tis pare, ripe, mellow and whole- ‘The American Gentlemar’s WM. LANAHAN & SON, Baltimore, Md. U e L M ITED-_. 18-HOUR. TRAIN TO CHICAGO 1 comicbooks.com