Life — March 28, 1907 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LINES TO A LITERARY MAN IN LOVE Lover, if you would Landor now, And my advice will Borrow, Raleigh your courage, storm her Harte— In other words, be Thoreau. You'll have to Stowe away some Sand. For doubtless you'll find i. That to secure a Maiden’s hand Hug and tackle Pater. ‘Then Hunt a Church to Marryatt, An Abbott for the splice; And as you Rideout afterWard. You both must Dodge the Rice Next on Heaven-Gissing Hill A Grant of Land go buy, ‘Whence will be seen far Fields of Green, All Hay and Romany Rye Here a two-Story House-man builds; The best of Holmes is You make sure on its Sill ‘The dove of peace Hazlitt Hough does one Wright this Motley verse, ‘This airy persiflage? Marvel no Morris to Howitt's Du Just Reade Watson this Page! —Elizabeth Dickson, in Putnam's Mago A QUESTION OF TITLE A Western politician, new to the ways of Washington, tells of fan amusing incident in connection with his hunt for lodgings when first be came to the national capital “T approached the head of a fine place in the swell quarter,” said he. “This lady—an elderly lady of a terrible and aggressive refinement of —met me at the door. Awed toa nervous degree by her excess of manner, about all I could gasp out was “*Would it be inconvenient to let me an apartment in your establishment, Mrs, Blank?! “At this the elderly person stiffened even straighter than he fore, and then delive ing rebuke: * Miss Blank, sie! Miss—from choice Tribune. Witt S. Giuneer’s punctiliousness in the matter of good English is well known. ‘The famous composer was one day standing outside his club, where he was met by a man who said “Ibex your pardon, sir, but do you know a gentleman, a member of this club, w 2” “Tean't say Ido,” responded Mr. Gilbert. “What is the name of his otber eye?" —Argona pne eye called Matthew PERIPATETIC “What bad news have you now?" inquired the President. “He's left,” announced Secretary Loeb. “Who's left? The cook or the chief engineer of the Panama Canal?"—Lowisville Courier-Journal. Hyxer; My hearing is unusually keen. Pywer: Is that so? “Yes. For instance, at the distance I am from you now Ican hear your watch ticking.” Marvelous! My watch is six blocks away, but I have the ticket for it in my vest pocket."—Chicago News. Wity cannot we make a treaty with Pittsburg to issue no more passports to New York?—The New York Evening Mail. \ PORTRAIT OF COL. BILL YARD, OF KENTUCKY WHAT COMMAS DO Here is an example of odd punctuation: “That that is is that that is not is not is not that it itis." To avoid nightmares, we immediately punctuate thus: "That that is, is, that that is pot, is not. Isnotthatit? Itis."—London Chronicle. A Rrsarkamie court decision in a bigamy case has been handed down at Perugia, Italy, where Charles Balliori, a tailor, was acquitted of a charge of having two wives on the ground that he has two hearts. Four physicians testified that Balliori had two hearts, and the court at once decided that this was ample reason for him to marty two women.—New York Tribune THE DOG WAS TIRED A little incident related by the late General Shafter in an ary cle on the capture of Santiago illustrates the spirit of the Amer, can soldiers who entered Cuba, and at the same time contains 4 bit of humor that was none the less enjoyable because unconscious. ‘The men had been in battle all day, and, weary as they vere, had then walked eleven rough, muddy miles in the dark, a re markable and arduous performance, which served to show thei sterling military qualities. A correspondent noticed a corporal of the Twenty-ffth Col ored Regiment carrying a pet dog in his arms, Surprised that aa overworked soldier should voluntarily burden himsel “Corporal, didn’t you march all night before last? “Yes, sab.” “Didn't you fight all day yesterday?” “ "Deed I did, sah.’ Didn't you march all last night?” "Yes, sah.” “Then why do you carry that dog?” “Why, boss, ‘cause the doa’s tired!"—Youth's Companion, vas ‘Tux young officers of the Infantry and Cavalry School at Fort Leavenworth considered that they were already bearit.g a sufi- ciently heavy burden when they learned of the decision that they were not to be allowed mounted pay, and those of the Infantry were called upon to refund about $45 each which they bad re ceived and expended upon professional books in hopes of increas ing their usefulness as officers. To the young men thes bur. dened, and others of the army struggling with debt and disap- pointment, the report of the scene of hilarity witnessed at thi pital among the Congressmen who had just voted a0 increase of fifty per cent. in their own pay has all the tragic interest of the spectacle of the Emperor Nero fiddling at the burning of Rome. We trust that they will keep up good heart, however, as we hope for an increase in service pray at the next session of Congress. — Army and Navy Journal DOG SAVES A RABBIT A sportsman on the Huntsham estate, North Devon, had a rabbit brought to him by his spaniel, which had caught it under a hedge. ‘The rabbit could walk only very feebly, though all its limbs were found to be sound. In its mouth, however, was a thick twig about three inches long, which had become wedged in behind the teeth in the rabbit's rush from some threatened danger. The animal was unable to extract the trig with iss paws and was being gradually starved to death found by the dog. —London Evening Standard. THE HILARIOUS RUSSIANS Once, speaking about Yegor, Pavel said, “Do you know, Andrey, the people whose hearts are always aching are the ones who joke most ? The Little Russian was silent awhile, and then answered, blinking his eyes, " No, that’s not true. If it were, then the wbole of Russia would split its sides with laughter.”"—Maxim Gorty, in Appleton's. Luvs. is published every Thursday. $5.00 a year in advance Postal Union. $1.04 a year extra. Single current copies, 10 cents from date of publica ents. Lire is for sale by all New Building. Chancery La Saarbach's News Exch E. C., England, Acrnts. Postage to fot » in Great Britain. ‘The International News Company, Breams Square, W.. London; Saarbach's ign countries in the News Exchange, 9 Rue St. Georges, Pi Back numbers, after three months Saarbach’s News Exchange, Mayence, Germany No contribution will be returned unless accompanied by stamped and addressed enveloy. The illustrations in Lare are copyrighted, and are not to be reproduced. Prompt notification should be sent by subscribers of any change o] address. : Saarbach’s News Exchange, 1, Via Firenze. Miles; Vor guarawtee of purity, see back \abel onevery baile; Wat's WAS _ HUNTER WHISKEY Is Absolutely Pure and is Guaranteed under the National Pure Food Law This confirms its reputation, and its great popularity demonstrates that it is the preferred whiskey of those who know the best, like the best, buy the best WM. LANAHAN & SON, Baltimore, Md. @® CHICAGO and WEST—Lake Shore Limited—The New York Central Lines 456 comicbooks.com