Life — March 21, 1907 — page 35: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

FRENCH HUMOR Often French wit is of the merely absurd sort, like much of oot own, Thus it was a French courtier who said of a man mus for obesity that he found himself sitting all around a table by himself, ‘That is really better than our modern American jest on the approaching fat man Eva more American in character is the remark of the boast t/a man boxed him on the ear—he was buried Here comes a crowd ing Gascon, th the next day, Here isa French joke that is rather English in character: The Marquis de Favitees, notorious for his impecuniosity, called on a cun of means named Barnard, and said “Monsieur, Lam going to astonish you, Tam the Marquis de Favices, 1do not know you, and I come to borrow five hundred * Monsieur,” Barnard replied, “Iam going to astonish you mach more. I know you, and Iam going to lend them.” Yet the typical French story always has a sting in it, like the bs ‘of the wife who died, which has gone over the world in varying guise. In the village of Poitou a woman fell into a trance. After the Poitevin custom, she was wrapped in a sheet to be carried to the cemetery; but as the procession was passing through a na pierced the sheet, wounded her so that blood flowed, and she awoke, Fourteen years later the woman really died, and again was borne toward row road a thorn of the wayside the grave, As the procession passed through the narrow road, the husband called “Not so pear the hedge, friends! > Dutch humor and wit are not of a sort to apt ‘The people of Holland are ra of s most ponderous kind. Once on a time a controversy started tetxcen Holland and Zecland, and the argument continued for two seats, ‘The thrilling question at issue was: Does the cod hook, or docs the hook take the cod? Let this illustra~ uiice—Marvin Dana, in Lippincott's. ot so near the hedge! 1 to us often rely sarcastic; their fun-m: ing is GREAT BEAK SPRING WAT! “Lt purity hus made it famous,” R VIVISECTION FROM THE DOG'S POINT OF VIEW Went out for a walk this morning. It was such a beautiful day, that I nearly forgot that I had eaten nothing for two days. Saw anice-looking man and wagged a friendly greeting, but be didn’t 1 suppose he didn’t see me. Stopped at a beautiful The Home of the Friendless.”” Feeling qzalified for edmission, I applied, but a janitor with a broom chased me away. I forgave him, however, for I suppose he never has been friendless himself. Stopped to watch a man unload a ago of coal, but he threw a chunk at me and I ran around the comer. Met two small dogs with nice collars, They were out walking with a beautiful young girl. She looked nice, so I ap- ached by degrees and wig-wagged a pleasant good-morning. Whea she saw me she waved her hands at me, and as I darted volera fence I heard her say: "Oh, why do they let those dread- respond, house, which had a sij fot little curs wander about the streets?” And she looked like sucha nice, friendly girl, too. But perhaps she had not got rested vp from the charity ball yet, and so I ought not to feel any resent- meat against her, Anyway, I suppose I'm not good enough to asociate with nice dogs with brass collars and marcelled tails. And yet I'm a friendly, sociable dog, with no bad habits except being poor and homeless, and I can't help that. Ab, this is a queer world! Finally I met a coarse-looking man, who seemed friendly. He shistled to me and spoke persuasively, At first I didn’t trust him, but I thought I might be doing him an injustice, and so I went over and licked his hand and nearly wagged my tail off. Then 1 Anew he had been deceiving me. He grabbed me by the neck and threw me into a covered wagon. Finally we came to a big pce, where hundreds of hungry dogs were all penned together, fghting and yelping. ‘They told me it was the dog pound, and Gat we should all be smothered to death by chloroform. Oh, Fell. why pot die at one time as well as another? And chloro form woukd be an easy death. No more hunger, no more kicks and cuffs, no more cruel glances. But no, I was not to die that ay. A big wagon came and took usall toa great building, away down on the so dogs. One had both eyes out and another had his tongue cut out sad one ear gone. The next day he was going to have his eyes taken out, and the day after he was going to have his legs taken Fone by one. After that they were going to take his nerves out, sod then, if he was still alive, they were going to take out his ce young man with eyeglasses came in and looked ingly. “We'll take you to-morrow,” he said. “I'd Me to begin to-day, but I have to go toa dinner early this eve h side, I was put intoa cage with a lot of queer Do you think you'll need all your furs, dearest? Dexa Drivoate: Of course; they'll probably send us to beris before the sessioa’s out.—Diiescol, St. Petersburg. The Charm of the Orient. Japan and China are peculiarly fascinating to the American traveler. The hospitality of their people—the quaint customs, citics, shrines and temples—towering mountains, winding rivers, and beautiful valleys, instill a desire to “ stay longer.” Japan is at her best in April and May, the season of flower festivals, when the cherry trees are in bloom and all Japan in holiday dress. Why not go thig spring? 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