Life — February 14, 1907 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Prayer ITH aching heart I come to Thee and beseech Thee to hear and grant my prayer! . Wilt Thou not, Dear Lord, in the creation of all future generations of human beings, omit the Tonsils; the third palate, tersely named by the Medical Profession “Adenoids” (pres- ent in every normal being), also the Vermiform Appendix, and all other organs of the body which the wise surgeons of our time have discovered to be wholly superfluous and unnecessary; we beseech Thee to omit these, and thereby save the suffering, bloodshed nd annoyance of having them all re- »ved from our children, at some period of their postnatal existence. And, Heavenly Father, I beseech Thee that our children may, in future, be born immune from all diseases of the kinds for which toxins and serums are injected in their blood—most especially, Dear Lord, smallpox, for the supposed prevention of which the ancient, useless, dangerous and filthy rite of vaccination is performed; this most earnestly I pray Thee, from the depths of my heart, that She, THANKS, AWFULLY “MY SON, THIS LARGE APPENDAGE WHICH YOU SEX AT THIS END OF THE ANIMAL IS CALLED HIS TRUNK.” “THEN WHAT 1S THIS SMALL ONE, PAPA—HIS VALISE?” the blood of our children may no longer be poisoned, their health forever im- paired and often ruined, and their liv lost. Since this superstition or vaccin: tion delusion is hundreds of years old, Thy omnipotence alone can rid the world of its hold upon it. Further I beseech Thee, Dear Lord, to create millions upon millions of duplicates of all the organs possessed by sentient beings, and scatter them broad- cast throughout the world; these to be absolutely without the power to feel, to be used in the experimentations of vivisectors, that vivisection of sentient creatures may no longer even be claimed to be necessary or helpful. Again I beseech Thee, Good Lord, to create two-thirds of all dogs, now having to submit to the surgeon’s knife that their ears and tails may conform to the prevailing fashion, these I pray ‘Thee to create with correct tails and ears, that this surgical operation may no longer be imposed upon them—one of man’s truest and best friends. Also, Dear Lord, I beseech Thee to create two-thirds of all the horses with docked tails, and perpendicular necks, that this noble, patient, long-suffering animal may no more be subjected to the heinous outrages of docking and the cruel check. The remaining one-third of these creatures to be for those who are satisfied with Thy handiwork, as created throughout the ages. In the name of Love, which Thou art, AMEN! Differentiation I Awoman weighs two hundred pounds and Is worth a million dollars, she ha full figure; Is worth five hundred thousand, she is plump; Is worth a hundred thousand, she is plump; Is worth a thousand only, she is jat Independent Patten T (smiling): I don’t suppose, doctor, that you could possibly sup- ply me with a new heart, could you? ‘Tue Puysician: I’m afraid not. You see, sir, the factory where you were as- sembled makes a rule never to renew parts. comicbooks.com