Life — February 7, 1907 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A merry wag is E. H., observant and absorbent, collecting with care railroad wrecks, cash, enemies and the literature of the historic separators, Turpin, Teach, Kidd, Morgan, et al. His eye is now on the Orient. The Interstate meddlers are at his gate; the Rough Rider will catch him if he don’t watch out. Auto Versus Art M. ORDWAY PARTRIDG the sculptor, lately told the members of the Vassar Students’ Art Society that rich New Yorkers spent somuch money for automobiles that they could not afford to buy pictures. It is a fact, he said, which artists had investigated and verified. To be sure, it was only the next day that Senator Clark paid $40,000 at an art auction for a Jules Breton, but that does not affect Mr. Partridge’s assertion. It is not the $4o,cco picture buyers that auto- mobiles would lead away, but the dis- criminating persons who buy the pictures that are not yet dear. Every Bryan has a silver lining. It never rains but it Eddys, Henry James is stranger than fiction. Hearst and Young Pulitzer OSEPH PULITZER, Jr., who achieved temporary fame a few weeks ago by undertaking to whip William Randolph Hearst in the office of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, is 22 years old and learned to spar at Harvard. He took the former candidate for Governor of New York to task for some things Mr. Hearst had said about Pulitzer, Sr., in a speech during the campaign. He asked Hearst if the talk was in earnest or if it was mere- ly the usual hot-air of a political speech. Hearst replied that -he usually meant what he said. Then Young Pulitzer planted a blow on the Hearst solar plexus or as near there as the circumstances would permit. He tried to repeat the blow, but Hearst waved his arms so wildly that accurate aim was impossible, and before any dam- age was done members of the Post-Dis- patch force separated the two. ‘LIFE* Hearst gave the story to the St. Louis Republic and it was telegraphed all over the country. According to Hearst, no actual blow was struck, though he ad- mitted the attack. Young Pulitzer was terribly put out about the statement that he had not landed on the man who had traduced his father. When assured by onlookers that he had planted a good one near Hearst’s equator, in spite of the Hearst denial, he was visibly pleased and he felt that life in St. Louis, where he has heen sent to learn the newspaper busi- ness, was not altogether without its ad- vantages. Some Valentine Suggestions 1, (Suitable for a young retired couple to send toa Presi« dent of the Ur Simile upon us, let us, please, 69 Sce again those ivories nN Beaming on us as of yore Au In those palmy days before We aroused your seething ire— BELLAMY AND Dear Maria. Ml. (Designed jor a United States Senator, jrom a tong- sujlering fotker,) Chauncey, if you will resign I will be your Valentine! RS. VP. PLD. Q, T can’t wait to hear from you— I'm no ordinary knocker, But old FATHER KNICKERBOCKER. Wl. (For 0 young aspirant Jor public honors who has not yet had enough of The Peepul) 1 will be your Valentine Sure as six and three are nine. T will be your lover true, Sure as yellow isn’t blue. T will be most anything Long asit will chance to bring Me before the public eye In some new capacity. Yours for better or for worst, Winue Raxpy Anriz Horst. TY: (Written especially jor a Kaiser send to himselj.) You're the biggest thing on earth: Worthiest of all the worth! <\) You're the finest thing that am ey Alll the way from Pots to Dam! Looking at you dazzles me So I cannot hardly see— You can bet, O Man, Divine! 1 will be your Valentine. Dated at the Hof Budweiser, Augespeil, [signed] Hoct, Der Kaiser. 197 (For a Republican National Comvertion to send to a Seerctary of War weighing 363 pounds.) Uncle Bill, come get in line! You're the man of weight for mine— L will be your Valentine Like J. Cwsar, in the days When he cornered all the bays, Hating Cassius and his ways, Wondering what the crowd was at, Tstand pat On the plat- Form, “Oh give me men who're fat.” VI. (For a Great Humorit. The Latin herein set Jorth is Iresh from the Classical Department of the Packingtown University) , ey Ego sum, ad meum finem, Semper tuum Valentinum. John Kendrick Bangs. A Waste of Money 5 0, when Speaker Can- non was a plain Member, he took one of his constituents to dine with him at rather a good hotel in Washington. It was in the fall and Mr. Cannon ate very heartily of that American edible, Indian corn; in fact, almost his entire dinner consisted of corn. The Westerner looked at him and said: “Say, Mr. Cannon, what does it cost you to board here?” “About five dollars a day,” said Mr. Cannon. “I'll be durned,” drawled his constituent, “ef I don’t think it would be cheaper fer you to board at a livery stable!" Marcus Twainus Magnurbanus! Humoristus Maximistus! Magister de Jokororum, Solus Funcus super Forum, All is lost, save Taft. Music hath charms to sooth the savage Conried. Answers to Correspondents H.TAFT: Boom duly received, all W « charges paid. Please inform us whether you h it straightened out. Have put it on ice until called for. Cuauncey: Oh, no; it is never too late to resign. Henry Jags: We cannot give you ad- vice as to How to Learn English. You might take out naturalization pa- pers, however, and live in the coun- try. Try a good public school. Much can be done even when full grown. comicbooks.com