Life — January 10, 1907 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“REE= A DEFINITION A stick and a ball and a wee. small boy, A whack A walk of And that is the ind the ball is off; nile; then do it again, 16 of golf —Lippincott's AN IMPASSIONED ACROSTIC From President Roos ville afair, T have acted on the principle thus advocated in the Sou Thave appointed colored men of b T have elt's message to Congress on the Browns- rranged by the” Sun In the North as ght to secure for the colored people all their rights under the law T have done all 1 could to secure them equal school training, I have striven to break up peonage: I have upbeld the hands of those who, like Judge Jones and Judge Speer, have warred against this peonage, because 1 would hold myself to be unfit to be President. if I did not feel the sa 1 feel at wrong done a white man. I have condemned in unstinted terms thescrime of lynching per. petrated by white men, and 1 should take instant advantage of any opport of lynchers. In pee ¢ revolt at wrong colored man as y whereby 1 could bring to justice a mot ly the same spirit 1 have now acted with reference to these colored men who have nilty of a black and dastardly crime. In one policy, port of every citizen of this coun him the spirit of genuine and I challenge try. p ly he hi far-sighted patriotism. MR. DOOLEY ON AUTOMOBILES “Mr, Dooley.” the Harpers. hy in hit * recently publis utomobiles: ed by stay? Sure, I'll niver Mer skates. I've nto arrms wheel, sayin’ ye'er prayers wan minyit ye tol’ me that th’ bicycle it was nicis. sty to get around quick tush as 1 mintion it. Tht autymobill will stay till Whin th’ little, sthreet flyin’ kites iv polismen to chase th enough fr ivrybody to have 4 eighty horse: pe NOVELIST’S INSPIRATION 1 Naples: “Vesuvius he Russian eruption." Maxim Gorky, who is writing a book the t Viewna Hw THINK THIS OVER Of troubles connubial, jars and divorce, This, we believe, is the fruitfullest source— A man falls in love with a dimple or curl, Thea foolishly marries the entire girl —Boston Transcript. CONSPICUOUS ‘The minister had preached to the graduating class of a girls’ college. The girls of the class were on the platform all round the it. and all dressed in white. 1 felt,” confessed the preacher to his wife when he got home, “like a crow on a snow-drift!"— Youth's Companion, THE RHYME FOR TWELFTH “THERE ARE BOOKTH THAT 1 HAVE ON MY THELVTH CU DECLARE THAT NO WoRD RUYSITE WITH TwroyTTt!" SAID LISPER W'CEE Av PATHY roe ME! THTOOPID WRITERTH! IT RUVMTH WITH THEMTHELY TH!” POURING, AS USUAL With our foreman FICTION STRANGER THAN TRUTH ‘A magazine editor was talking about W. W. Jacobs, the famous humorist “T went abroad this summer,” he said, “to try and get Mr. Jacobs to write for me; but I found that be had all be could do for six or seven years to come “He is a quiet, modest chap. When I praised his wonderful skill in the writing of short stories, he said that it was only their surprises that made his stories take. to illustrate what he meant, be told me a story wherein prises came fast and furious, fe said that a lawyer, defending a man accused of house- reaking, spoke like this: Your Honor, I submit that my client did not break into the house at all. He found the parlor window open and merely in serted his right arm and removed a few trifling articles. my client's arm is not himself, and 1 fail to see how you can pu ish the whole individual for an offense committed by only one of his limbs." That argument,’ said the judge.‘ is very well put. Follow ing it logically, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it of not, as he chooses.” “The defendant smiled, and with his lawyer's assistance un screwed his cork arm and, leaving it in the dock, walked out."— Datroit Free Press. ALL ALONE Rustem Pasha, at one time Turkish ambassador to the Court of St. James, was very fond of England, but having a high notion of the dignity of an ambassador, who represents his sovereign, he was greatly dissatisfied with certain court customs, In 2 word, England was too democratic for Rustem Pasha. One day he was. for the hundrgdth time, 1 atic privileges in Continental courts and at the Court of St. James with Count de Bylandt, who was at that time Dutch minister, when the count said to him, slyly: Ik of ambassadors, but, my dear friend, there is only sador in London.”" What!” exclaimed Rustem Pasha, who in these ma ays serious, and did not see the mischief in Count de By landt’s eye, “What! We are seve " My dear Pasha," said Count de Bylandt, ambassador—the United § his,” declares the narrate 6, “neatly ex tive of the great American St. James." ps. comparing there is only one ster!” of the anecdote in the Cornhill fic accredited to the Court CHICAGO RAILLERY + loses an opport glories and material prosperity of Chicago. One day he was holding forth in his usual strai touche upon the part played by the cds in that pe declared the member from Mlinois, “th ‘These trains —run b Carry over 165,000 passengi be in maki to expatiate upon th: when he nicago daily have been a strong f Chicago what it is Whereupon Congressman McCall, of M ly interjected * Mann, th: — Harper's Weekly awful charge to prefer against the railway cents. dealers in, Great Britain England, Acents, The International News Com No contribution will The illustrations in Lave are copyrighted, Bream's Be Prom tification should be sent by subse be returned unless accompanied by stamped and addressed envelope nd are not to be reproduced. ge of address Vs on For guarantee of purity, see back \abel onevery baile; Act's WS AN, in passing along the years, finds in EVANS’ ALE a natural lubricant that pre- vents the wear and DQ Worry. comicbooks.com