Life — January 3, 1907 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

calla Reus MOST DELICIOUS OF ALL CORDIALS | pocket of your dress-vest. When you are dres LIQUEUR Peres Chartreux —GREEN AND YELLOW— Known as Chartreuse At frst.class Wine Merchants, Grocers, Hotels, Cale. Watjer & Co. 45 Broadway, New Vork, No Ve Sole Agents for United States. TY—that’s about all that makes foreign cham- pagnes cost double the price of COOR’S Ghampagne Ship freight cuts some figure, but it is mostly duty. It's your duty to prove the superiority of the American product. Mark Twain's Mysterious Card HEN I was leaving Hartford for Washing- -W ton upon one occasion my wife said: I} have written a small warning and put it in a to go to the Authors’ Reception at the White House you will naturally put your fingers in your vest pocket, according to your custom, and you} will find that little note there. Read it carefully | and do as it tells you. I cannot be with you, and so I delegate my sentry duties to this little note, If I should give you the warning by word of mouth, now, it would pass from your head and be forgotten in a few minutes.” | Tt was President Cleveland’s first term. I had never scen his wife—the young, the beautiful, the good-hearted, the sympathetic, the fascinating. Sure enough, just as I had finished dressing to go to the White House I found that little note, which I had long ago forgotten. It was a grave little | note, a serious little note, like its writer, but it| made me laugh. Livy’s gentle gravities often | produced that effect upon me, where the expert humorist’s best joke would have failed, for I do | not laugh e: When we reached the White House and I was shaking hands with the President, he started to say something, but I interrupted him and said: “Tf your Excellency will excuse me, I will come back ina moment; but now I have a very im- portant matter to attend to, and it must be attended to at once.” T tured to Mrs. Cleveland, the young, the | beautiful, the fascinating, and gave her my card, on the back of which I had written, “//e didn’t” —and I asked her to sign her name below those words, She said: ‘He didn’t? He didn’t what?” “Oh,” I said, “never mind. We cannot stop to discuss that now. This is urgent. Won't you please sign your name?” (I handed her a fountain-pen.) ”” she said, “I cannot commit myself in Who is it that didn’t ?—and what is it that he didn’t?” “Oh,” I said, “time is flying, flying, flying. Won't you take me out of my distress and sign your name to it? It’s all right. I give you my word it’s all right.” She looked nonplused ; but hesitatingly and mechanically she took the pen and said: “T will sign it. I will take the risk. But you must tell me all about it, right afterward, so that you can be sted before you get out of the house in case there should be anything criminal about this.” Then she signed; and I handed her Mrs. Clemens’s note, which was very brief, very sim- ple, and to the point. It said: ‘Don’t wear your arctics in the White House.” It made her shout; and at my request she summoned a messenger and we sent that card at once to the mail on its way to Mrs. Clemens in Hartford.—From Mark Twain's Autobiography in The North American Review. F New Possibilities of the Auto BONES: Why are you crawling under the ma- chine? There’s nothing the matter with it. Jones: I know it, but there comes Brown., If he sees me with this auto he'll expect me to pay As the shimmering stars herald the dawn of a new and brighter year, so the opening of each bottle of pure, sparkling gives promise anew of pleasure yet to come. Straight or blended, White Rock stands the mineral water without a him the money I owe him.—Detroit Free Press. is the most pleasant way of spending three weeks—combining health and recreation. Luxuriously appointed steamships giving hotel ‘accommodations for the entire trip. Ail out. side staterooms. Stopping at places of interest for a day or two of sightseeing. Special tourist rate $140, including every expense, Booklets free. THE WEW YORK AND Pom RICO STEAMSHIP CO., er Haymondand comicbooks.com