Life — October 25, 1906 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

} yg Aut Mt Se Ser APPEARING GREEN Senator Beveridge was talking one afternoon in Washington to a group of newly elected Congressmen. “You boys.” he said, no account appear green. Keep cool, go slow, think before you speak; then you won't give “must o1 yourselves away ‘The unripe Congressmen laughed, and Senator Beveridge continued “LT should hate to hear that of heen Cangressman once di * He, as soon as he reached Washingtoa, went off toa photog rapher's to be photographed. “+L want my likeness taken,’ he said. “ “Cabinet?” the photographer asked “The Southerner reddened and looked pleased. No," he answered, ‘just a plain, every-day Congressman.'* —Bujalo News. of you had acted as a new A wixe agent is compiling a volume of. anecdotes of wine dealers of the work! He said the other day receive a letter that read: ‘Sir: [ have not a ceatime to my name, but I adore champagne. Be goc case of yout delicious nectar. With its help I hope to forget my wretched poverty.’ Roederer replied by return mail: ‘Sie: The wherewith you propose to forget your poverty will not The incessant and persistent presentation of my account ind you every moment of your sad condition.""—Troy * Roederer once enough to send me a LOOKED CHEAP “Wow! if I don’t git rid 0° dis cold Il be a dead non,” complained Jimmy, soon “Did you consult Dr. Goodman, as I told you?” asked his 1 Naw! De sign on his door said ‘10 to 1" an" I wouldn't monkey wid no long shot like dat.""—Philadel phia Press. A retat dealer in buggies do business in one of the larger towns in northern Indiana wrote to a firm in the East on ing vad of buggies. The firm wired him: Cannot ship buggies until you pay for your last consign- “Unable to wait cel the order. iclegraphed the buggy dealer; “ Everybody's can: A Peestan pari electric bulb. —. ament suggests Aladdin's lamp fitted with an York Tribune A SUGCESTION Mas. Wroortre: You tell me, Herr V hter can never become a singer! Is there no hope for her? Heak Voctrscusizrt: Vell, matam, you mighdt put her on a diet of canary seed alretty, undt sce vot dot vill do mit her. —London Tit-Bits. waleschnitzel, that my. Av T Nyllv): Zoo yn IN LILI AT MONTE CARLO A lady at the tables could not make up her mind on which number to place her money. Seeing her hesitation, her neighbor said to her: “Do as I do, madam. Put your money on the number which corresponds to your age.” ‘The lady thereupon planted her louis on No. 22, and the win- ning number was 36. “Ah, madam," said her gallant neighbor, * followed my advice."—La Vie Pour Rire. {you had only A CRYING NEED 1 WISH THY PRESIDENT 'D INVENT SOME KIND OV arrusteric.”” aa SIMPLIFIED EITHER OR AYTHER Two Irishmen, Pat and Mike, stood looking at bricklayers who were working on a building that was being erected, when the following conversation was overheard: Mike: Pat, kin yez tell me what kapes them bricks together? Par: Sure, Mike; it’s the mortar. “Not by a dom sight; that kapes them apart Weekly, Harpers CONJUGAL ARITHMETIC “If youre going to Paris to see some fun, you'll require the very least seventy-five francs a day “As much as that? It’s pretty heavy, especially seeing thr I'm taking my wife with me. “Oh, you're taking your wife? In that case, francs a day will be ample."—Gil Blas. Sout St A Coxxecricet newspaper editor once hired an Englishe: asa reporter, and gave him as his first assignment a near-by town. Arriving at the place, the reporter found gry masses of flames pouring from the huge factory build seemed nonplussed and didn't know what to do. Finally be sent back (0 the office this telegram: “Have arrived and tie fire is burning fiercely. What shall I do?” Of course, he was sent to write up the fire, but as it was ne late for the afternoon edition, the editor said som his breath, and sent back the following reply: "Fi the fire is the hottest and jump in ig frei ew Verk Tribune Ur-to-paTe. geographies will now define Cuba as a sul body of patriots entirely surrounded by warships —Broste Standard Union. : NO HOPE FOR HIM Prisoner: 1 should think you ought to get me out of ths scrape. IV's my first offense, you know. Lawyer: That’s just the trouble. that Ican't posibly prove you are insane.—Chicago Nr. Your record is © good ‘Tue worst feature about a divorce is that it usually ress is, two more marriages. —Chicago Record: Herald. AS ENGINEER from Sunderland was spending a few dajsis London with a friend, and, after a busy morning sightsering the Londoner chose a large restaurant for lunching at, thinkeg it would be a novel experience for the man from the Nant ‘The visitor appeared to enjoy his luncheon, but kept looking in the direction of the door. What are you watching?” asked his friend, rather a Well,” was the quiet reply, “A's keepin’ an eye on coat!” “Oh, don’t bother about that!" replied the other. ” don’t see me watching min “No,” observed the guileless engineer; “tho has nocaly it’s ten minutes sin’ thine went!" —Tit-Bits THE KID BROTHER “That's all right, sis," answered Tommy. ‘I could see you were only playing telephone. He was ringing you up you needa’t hide your left hand behind you—but be baf lips entirely too close to the receiver."—Chicago Tribune NO NEEDLESS WASTE ‘The goldfish in the little aquarium had thriven quite well yx a few weeks after they had been intrusted to the care of theae maid, when they were found feebly otting almost on th backs. Z “Harriet,” called the anxious mistress, “have you givea fish any fresh water lately No, ma‘am,” answered Harriet; “they haven't druak ¢ water I gave them last month yet.""—Woman's Home Comps Lire is published every Thursday, $5.00 a year in advance. Postal Union, $1.04 a year extra. Single current copies, 10 cents. from date of publication. 2¢ cents. Live is for sale by all Newsdealers in Great Britain. The International News Company, Bream’s Building, Chancery Lane, London, E. C.. England, AGENTS. Postage to foreign countries in the Back aumbers, after three months No contribution sill be The illustrations in Liv returned unless accompanied by stamped and addressed emveley. ere copyrighted, ond are not to be reproduced. Prompt notification should be sent by subscribers of any change of address. Wilson - Vor guarantee of purity, 1) YEARS’ TEST PROVES Hunter see back \abel onevery baile; Wats WY BESY ane pide e @® “DEFENDERS OF THE RAILS—THE NEW YORK CENTRAL LINES.”—Utica Herald comicbooks.com