Life — October 18, 1906 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

yg AUT Selsien’ TAKING DOWN A DUKE Before the success of his comedies, Oscar Wilde found it difficult to carn a living, we are told by The Woman's Home Companion. In spite of his poverty, however, he always maintained his self-esteem, and his wit was often directed against persons who assumed undue cuperiority. On one occasion this disdainful wit of his cost Wilde a lucrative position. A very noble duke required a tutor for his two sons, and Wilde was recommended. He called, the duke examined him, and seemed favorably impressed. But he was a very great duke, with a very high opinion of himself, and his manner grated on Wilde. The last question be asked the young man was: “And would you—ah—would you expect to eat with the family?” “That,” Wilde answered, “would depend altogether on how the family behaved at meals.” HIS MOST ACCURATE. COUNTERFEIT ‘The genial Mark Twain complains that he has a most sur- peising number of “doubles.” Only the other day a gentleman wrote to him from Florida, saying that he had been taken so often for Mr. Clemens that he thought it a matter of duty to send his photograph to the real original. The likeness, as shown by the picture, was certainly remark- able—so much so, indeed, that Mark sat down and wrote the following reply My Dra Sim—TI thank you very much for your letter and the photograph. In my opinion, you are certainly more like me than any other of my doubles. In fact, Iam sure that if you stood before me in a mirrorless frame, I could shave by you."—Lip pincott's HOW TO BE A CHAUFFEUR If you have a low front veranda to it home or boarding bouse, crawl under it, after first saturating the floor above with gasoline and other greasy and ill-smelling substances that will leak through onto your face. Lie on your back under the floor where it leaks, and try to trim your finger nails with a dull monkey wrench, swearing loudly all the while. When you get out go to the police station and pay a fine. This procedure, accom panied by the wearing of a pair of fierce goggles, will make you feel like the I thing. —Chicago News. A TRAVELER passing through a small country town noticed a post on which was marked the height to which the river had tisea during a recent flood. “Do you mean to say,” be asked a native, “that the river high as that in 19—?" Dh, no,” replied the native; “but the village children used to rub off the original mark, so the mayor ordered it to be put higher up, so as to be out of their reach." —Tit- Bits. THE WRONG NUMBER Patrick, lately over, was working in the yards of a railroad, One day he happened to be in the yard office when the force was out. The telephone rang very vigorously several times, and he at last decided it ought to be answered. He walked over to the instrument, took down the receiver and put his th to the transmitter, just as he bad scen others do. Hilo!” he called. “Hello!” answered the voice at the other end of the line. “Is this cight-six-one-five-nine?” Phwat d'ye think oi am—a box-car?"— “Aw, giwan! Harper's Monthly THE APPLE AT ITS OLD Game HOW HE FELT George Ade, automobiling in Indiana, dined at a country hotel among a roomful of ministers The ministers, who were hokdis were much amused when Mr. A them One of them said during dinner “How does a humorist of your stamp feel, sir, in such reverend company as this?" “I feel.” said Mr. Ade, promptly, “like a lion in a den of Daniels."”"—New York Tribune A LONG-LEGGED DEER A huge, finely mounted antlered head hung just above the sideboard in the dining-room. This trophy of some buotsmaa’, skill was fastened so firmly to the wall that the glistening neck seemed to be coming right out through the plaster. Robert, ths was secing this decoration for the first time, eyed it with lind; curiosity and very evident uneasiness. It looked almost too le. like for comfort Finally the boy, asking to be excused, slipped from his chs tiptoed into the next room, and then, flushing with embams. ment, returned to his place at the table. “What's the trouble, Robert?” asked his host. “T wanted to see," explained candid Robert, sheepishly, “i that animal's legs were really as Jong as that, or if he wen standing oa something in another room.”"—Vouth's Compario Mr. Bayan is not altogether gratified with his descriptica as the “world’s greatest private citizen.” There is a suggestis permane icy about it.—Mikwautee Sentinel. A FEMININE CONTRADICTION ‘The American girl is a most interesting contradiction. Ste is regarded as the world’s greatest representative of femitie freedom, and yet, at the root of her character she is the mat Prudish of girls. She makes the best friend for a ma, and sct his worst lover. She cannot deny that she is a flirt, and yet ste is at heart hard and selfish. She will do the most uncoe: tional things. and yet in no part of the world is etiquette ere insisted on than in American society —Madame. A soctery which disseminates moral literature once sent 4 railway manager a large number of free tracts to place io the waiting-rooms. One was entitled “A Route to the New Jerw salem.” The letter which the moral literature society reaind in reply declined the tracts. “We cannot place the tre wrote the manager, “as the N, J. is not oa our systen."— Rochester Herald NATURE'S PART Two young women of a type which is by no means common were gazing together upon the tranquil beauty of a2 English landscape. “Oh, don't you love nature?” asked one, turning with claszed hands to her friend. “Yes, indeed.” was the response, in a tone of gratiiisg intensity. “It adds so much!"—Youth’s Companion. Icetaxp can now be communicated with by cable. But sty should any one want to do it?—Cleveland Leader. MOST UNKINDEST CUT With reference to the humors of country "society" reporting. Mr. Melville Stone, of the Associated Press, tells of the accozst of a wedding published in a Kansas paper. The story, which described the marriage in the usual flowers adjectives, concluded with this surprising announcemeat “The bridegroom's present to the bride was a handsame diamond brooch, together with many other beautiful things i cut glass."—Har pers Weekly. Lire is published every Thursday, $5.00 a year in advance 04 & year extra late of publication, 25 cents wsdealers in Great Britain. ‘The International News Company, Bream’s London, E. C.. England, Acests. Postage to foreign countries in the Single current copies, 19 cents Back numbers, after three months No contribution will be returned unless accompanied by stamped and addressed envdept The iliustrations in Lire ore copyrighted, and are not to be reproduced. 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