Life — September 20, 1906 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Selea Your Wife with Care N SELECTING a wife many men go on the principle that, it being a matter of small consequence, almost any young thing will do. This is a great mistake. The careful man, even in details like this, will still be governed by proper circumspection. ‘There are various kinds of wives to be had for the asking. The display wife is extensively used She is well made, sh, ready in social emergencies and much pleasure in showing her around. Under cover she is disappoint- ing, and is apt to run up bills, but for certain purposes is in large demand. The domestic wife sews and mends nicely, makes mustard plasters and griddle-cakes, is a poor cloak model, saves money, raises children and is useful in illness. ‘The literary wife reads, writes and talks, She entertains people you hate, gives functions you despise, makes cozy corners and trouble. The economical wife makes over her own clothes, starves you nearly to death, and saves enough money so that you can have a good time with her successor —if you're lucky enough to have one. The extravagant wife es you a good time at twice what it’s worth. In selecting a wife always, of course, pick out your opposite. If you have a large, generous, whole-souled nature, that loves company and is fond of travel, stag parties and demijohns, marry a combination cook, housekeeper and trained nurse. Some one should watch the home. If you are a mean, contemptible, petty, niggardly human shrimp, marry a lovely, sweet, angelic, patient, deserving, womanly woman. Her character will be developed by suffering, thus giving you the opportunity to do some good. Do not marry any woman just be- cause she has money. Become instead her confidential adviser. You will make just as much out of it in the end without having to live with her. Tom Masson. T WOULD be easier to be content with little if nobody had any more. «LIFE = A Horse on It NEVER had a sparking plug, Or needed gasoline; I knew enough to stop and wait When danger near was seen. ‘They never had to “crank” me, or Oil my transmission gear, el in the mud to get rbureter clear. Of course I am supplanted, but When things at sixes go It frequently occurs that I Am useful for a tow. S. I. Litchfield. T IS the inevitable that we are all struggling against. 313 Industrial Notes AS A result of the drying up of those springs which have hitherto gushed abundant boodle wherewith to im- part to voters who were right the grace still in the right to stay, while teaching the hearts of those who were in the wrong to know the better way, more crude necessity, according to the latest figures, is getting itself made up into a finished article of virtue than ever before in our political history. Owing to the heavy shortage of the fancy brands of virtue during recent years, and the consequently strong home demand, it is thought that little of the present output will be immediately available for Panama and the Philippines, although this is largely conjectural. Whether the manufacture of virtue out of necessity will be further pro- moted by tariff legislation de- pends, naturally, on the event of the pending cle pe FEMININE AMENITIES “YES, DEAR, 1 WAS MARRIED LAST MONTH, PRETTY LITTLE PLAT 1 HAVE.” “Vy SEEN MM, My DEAR” TD LIKE YOU TO CALL ON ME AND SEE THE comicbooks.com