Life — August 23, 1906 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

liad | See FOR A GUEST-BOOK ts! May it include “The wise, the witty and the shrewd, And such as own the double art ‘That makes them friends of head and heart. ove who stand recorded here ret with each added year; intance into friendship grow And friendship ever brighter glow. Old friends are best, we lightly say, But,as they fall upon the way, Keep full the ranks with newer friends, Till Time the adjective amends. Anil if old friends still scem the best, ‘The adage should be thus expressed: Friends ate not best because they're old, But old, because the years that rolled— ‘The years that try and mar and mend— oved them worth the title friend —S. Weir Mitchell, in Century A DEAD LOSS -¢ here, Aunt Dinah, I sent two brand-new shirts of my hushand’s to the wash last week, and you have brought only one back. Now, what have you done with the other?" “Yes, Miss Lulu, ma'am, I was coming ‘round to the question of dat dar shu't. You knows dat I ain't a pusson dat pretends to one thing and protends to anudder, so I'se gwine to tell de truf "bout dat shu’t. It was disa-way. My ole man he upand died las’ week, and de‘ Bur'al Sassiety "dey didn’t do nuthing but covort "round, and I nebber had anyt’ing to lay dat man out in. So I belps myse’f to dat shu’t for a fac’. An’, oh, Miss Lulu, honcy, I jes’ wishes you could hab seen how dat nigger sot dat shu't off!" Lippincett's Magazine. HE KNEW A member of the Nebraska Legislature awas making a speech ‘0a some momentous question and, in concluding, said: “In the words of Daniel Webster, who wrote the dictionary, liberty of give me death!” his colleagues pulled at his coat and whispered: did not write the dictionary; it was Noah. replied the speaker; “Noah built the ark ‘Give me One “ Daniel Webs Noah nothing. —Bufalo News. AN automoniLe driver was arrested recently while driving slowly through a village and fined $s. He demanded why he had Leen so treated, as he had not violated any speed ordinance, but could get no satisfaction. Later a court officer explained the whole matter by saying :."We held a meeting last night and decided that this speeding must stop. This man was the first to come along slow enough for us to catch, so we arrested him."’— ‘cw York Evening Sun. AS-D SCIS' Vr ae 4 AS 159°R5, AVE, NyLLv) DEFINITIONS OF A BABY Father's rival in mother’s love. A crying evil you only aggravate by putting down A native of all countries, who speaks the language of none. Amite of a thing that requires a mighty lot of attention. ‘The magic spell by which the gods transform a house into a home. A pleasure to two, a nuisance to every other body and a necessity to the world. A miniature Atlas that bears the whole world of wedded joys and cares on its littl shouklers.— Philadel phia Press. THE SILHOUETTE MAN’S LITTLE JOKE: “SAY, OLD MAN, YOU Loox sicK." YES, U'M A MERE SHADOW OF sty YoRMER SeLr.” IN COOK COUNTY “Who represents the people of your section in Congress?" “What district?” “We haven't. Th Have you no representative in Congress from this Beef Trust has." —Pittsburg Post. O, TEMPORA! * My boy," said the father, “you should always strive to be aa honorable man.”” “Why so, pa?” asked the son of the period. “Is there any: thing in it? ""—Philadel phia Bulletin. THE ONLY OPENING The story is told of two Trenton men who hired « horse end trap for a little outing not long ago. Upon reaching their destin, tion, the horse was unharnessed and permitted peacefully t graze while the men fished for an hour or two. When they were ready to go home, a difficulty t once pre sented itself, inasmuch as neither of the Trentonians knew bow to rehamness the horse. Every effort in this direction met wid dire failure, and:the worst problem was properly to adjast the bit. The horse himself seemed to resent the idea of going fez» harness again. Finally, one of the friends, in great disgust, sat down ia the road. "There's only one thing we can do, Bill,” said be. “What's that?” asked Bill. “Wait for the foolish beast to yawn!" —Har per's Weekly, THE BREAD WAS SENT BACK A boy who had been working in a baker's shop for some time was just about to finish his trade. One night, when the bos was gone, he broke the marble slab he molded his loaves on, 10 be went to the marble yard to secure another, bat could not fitd cee. On the way back he passed a graveyard, and, as it was very dit, he jumped over and pulled up a small headstone about the rit size and took it back and finished his job. The next day, ser the bread had been delivered, nearly all of it was sent bad ‘The baker looked at it and broke several loaves open, but focsd nothing wrong. Then he happened to turn one of the loaves ons, and found on the under side of every loaf the inscription: "Her lies the body of Mrs. . Born A. D. 1682. Died A.D. 1749."—Dundee Advertiser. RESTRICTED AS TO CHOICE Ravyor: Are you going to Europe this summer, as usual? Suvwe (who has been on the wrong side of the marka): We, we've got to choose between Europe and mer—with the chances largely in favor of Englewood —Chiap Tribune. Senator Incatts tried sarcasm in public life and it fuk! He had an exceptional gift for making enemies, mately retired him to private life. Once ani ment. To this letter the Senator returned a very answer, and received the following reply: I think it would be well for you to reserve your sarcasm foe rapidly increasing number of your enemies, inste: to the decreasing number of your friends, of Itis said Mr. Ingalls never forgot the rebuke, but it was took New York Tribune. Astanpata distillery at Frankfort, Ky., broke dowa the aie day, and 16,000 gallons of whisky were last. It ran into Bessa Creek. Farmers living on the banks of the stream ler ux hundreds of fish, either floating lazily or else leaping playfaly@ the surface and altogether unafraid of the presence of the ‘The farmers caught them by the busbel, and it was not ex:] news of the break at the distillery became known thit & mystery was solved. ‘The fish had become intoxicated —e York Tribune, iblished every Thursd $1.04 a year extra. Single current ¢ date of publication, 25 cenis is fe ig, Chancery Lane, London, E. C., England, Acents. $5.00 a year in advance. Postage to foreign countrics in the pies, 10 cents. Back numbers, after three months by all Newsdealers in Great Britain. The International News Company, Bream’s No contribution will be returned unless accompanied by stamped and addressed excite The illustrations in Live. ore copyrigited, and are not to be reproduced. Prompt notification should be sent by subscribers of any change o] address. Ware only whiskey, that Paces a compete, quoxankeed onclysis on each every, bettle- Seeback label! Thots Al! eaters SURBRUG-Importer Th Egyptian Cigarette of Quality AROMATIC DELICACY— MILDNESS— PURITY BEGIN RIGHT, END RIGHT ARE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE The NEW YORK CENTRAL LIN ULL comicbooks.com